Domestic Violence

[Socrates]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Oct 31 2005, 06:33 PM']No.  The purpose of a 'safe word' is that it takes precedence over "stop!!"  "don't" or any other phrase that most people would recognise as when the other person should desist.  That's why 'safe words' are constructs of the S&M group...you don't  (have to) stop, even if the other person is screaming bloody murder....only the safe word is recognised.  Only sickos need safe words.  There....I've said it
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Who are you who are so wise in the ways of S&M?

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Oct 31 2005, 07:33 PM']No.  The purpose of a 'safe word' is that it takes precedence over "stop!!"  "don't" or any other phrase that most people would recognise as when the other person should desist.  That's why 'safe words' are constructs of the S&M group...you don't  (have to) stop, even if the other person is screaming bloody murder....only the safe word is recognised.  Only sickos need safe words.  There....I've said it
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Not really.
Couples have many different kinds of safe words for different situations.
If I am being tickled by my husband and I say "stop -stop"in a teasing voice, the person knows perfectly well I am not serious. However if I say "uncle", it means there is a problem etc, you really need to stop immediately =asthma attack, leg cramp etc.
Also if you are in a social setrting many couples have code words which means get me out of this situation NOW - someone is hitting on you, you are really reached your limit with Aunt Sue etc.
Safe words are a kind of relationship shorthand.

[scardella]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Nov 1 2005, 10:01 AM']Not really.
Couples have many different kinds of safe words for different situations.
If I am being tickled  by my husband and I say "stop -stop"in a teasing voice, the person knows perfectly well I am not serious. However if I say "uncle", it means there is a problem etc, you really need to stop immediately =asthma attack, leg cramp etc.
Also if you are in a social setrting many couples have code words which means get me out of this situation NOW - someone is hitting on you, you are really reached your limit with Aunt Sue etc.
Safe words are a kind of relationship shorthand.
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Thanks for the vindication, cmom!

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Nov 1 2005, 10:01 AM'] Also if you are in a social setrting many couples have [b]code words[/b] which means get me out of this situation NOW - someone is hitting on you, you are really reached your limit with Aunt Sue etc.
Safe words are a kind of relationship shorthand.
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Exactly...I would say these are [i]code words[/i] that you have with someone close to you. I had a similar one in college,when talking on the phone with the person I was dating, to indicate when there was another person in the room, and we didn't have full privacy.

If you want to equate code words with safe words in your life, then go ahead. I doubt if anyone (ok, I [i]hope[/i] no one) in here will ever really need to differentiate between the two. However, I imagine that if you ask most street-wise people for a definition of a 'safe word' it would involve kinky or hurtful sex practices...not how to get away from Aunt Sue.

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Nov 1 2005, 10:01 AM']If I am being tickled  by my husband and I say "stop -stop"[b]in a teasing voice[/b],[/quote]

I would argue it has more to do with your tone of voice than the exact choice of words. With some sexual practices, tone of voice is [i]irrelevant[/i]. It is only the specific word that is important. I imagine that your husband would stop tickling you if you yelled "Gerbil! Oh Great Jumping turkey!" in an alarmed voice (well, he'd probably stop out of confusion)...but I'm assuming your husband knows if you're serious based on [i]how[/i] you say it, more than what you say. This is what NORMAL PEOPLE DO! Good for you.

Edited November 3, 2005 by Cow of Shame

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Nov 3 2005, 12:48 AM']Exactly...I would say these are [i]code words[/i] that you have with someone close to you.  I had a similar one in college,when talking on the phone with the person I was dating, to indicate when there was another person in the room, and we didn't have full privacy. 

If you want to equate code words with safe words in your life, then go ahead.  I doubt if anyone (ok, I [i]hope[/i] no one) in here will ever really need to differentiate between the two.  However, I imagine that if you ask most street-wise people for a definition of a 'safe word' it would involve kinky or hurtful sex practices...not how to get away from Aunt Sue.
I would argue it has more to do with your tone of voice than the exact choice of words.  With some sexual practices, tone of voice is [i]irrelevant[/i].  It is only the specific word that is important.  I imagine that your husband would stop tickling you if you yelled "Gerbil! Oh Great  Jumping turkey!" in an alarmed voice (well, he'd probably stop out of confusion)...but I'm assuming your husband knows if you're serious based on [i]how[/i] you say it, more than what you say.  This is what NORMAL PEOPLE DO!  Good for you.
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I worked on the street doing social services . I know a lot of interesting words.

[crusader1234]

If a person uses physicality in self defence, thats completely appropriate (so long as it doesnt turn into just reversing the agression). I don't care if a man hits a woman or a woman hits a man in agression, its wrong.

Anybody who abuses another person should seek counselling. Anybody involved in an abusive relationship needs to either fix the situation or get out of it.

[beatty07]

[quote name='Dreamweaver' date='Oct 26 2005, 11:37 AM']Here's another situation. What if the hitting is consentual and thats how the couple gets "their kicks"?  There are some odd people out there. If its consentual, is it justified?
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nope. Not if you're talking about some kind of sadomasochistic pleasure. That's just not in keeping with human dignity. I guess being consentual is a heck of a lot better than nonconsentual, but still unworthy of the image and likeness of God.

McClintock has got to be the funniest John Wayne movie ever, next to North to Alaska!!! There's a few comments in it that seem inappropriately casual about striking women. But the final scene...I kind of agree that it was more playful than anything. It certainly wasn't about inflicting pain. I'm not saying it's perfectly cool, I really don't know, but it certainly isn't in a league with domestic violence.