Sojourner Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:42 PM']my friends are church of christ and wouldnt take it so well if i gave them a book for their wedding. i dont want to purposely make them mad. would you say screw it and do it anyway? or would you give them book in addition to something they may want/need? [right][snapback]885935[/snapback][/right] [/quote] My general thought about straying from the registry is that most people buy from the registry. I'm not most people. Registries are suggestions.
Thy Geekdom Come Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Sojourner' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:47 PM']My general thought about straying from the registry is that most people buy from the registry. I'm not most people. Registries are suggestions. [right][snapback]885940[/snapback][/right] [/quote] As long as we're talking about gifts, I still don't have Mere Christianity. Not to press the issue, just thought you should know, in case it got lost in the mail or something.
Sojourner Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Raphael' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:48 PM']As long as we're talking about gifts, I still don't have Mere Christianity. Not to press the issue, just thought you should know, in case it got lost in the mail or something. [right][snapback]885941[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Hmmmm, that's odd. Sent it last month. I'll see if I can dig up the tracking number ...
franciscanheart Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Raphael' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:45 PM']Give them a baby crib. [right][snapback]885937[/snapback][/right] [/quote] that would be especially funny since they want to wait like five years to even think about actually having kids... [quote name='photosynthesis' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:46 PM']ah, well then. If they were non-Catholic, I'd definitely be a bit more tactful. I probably would use a book like "Open Embrace" (which is written by a Protestant couple) and a Bundt pan or whatever. But if a couple is getting married in the Catholic Church and refusing to abide by her rules, I'd be a bit more aggressive. [right][snapback]885939[/snapback][/right] [/quote] :
Birgitta Noel Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Not all women keep their names (solely) for feminist reasons. I kept mine for professional reasons similar to what Photo explained above. I am also an only Grandchild so I have reason to want to keep my name. I have also added my husband's last name to mine...NO hyphen. That way I can go by either legally speaking. Our children will have his family name. No doubts about that there!
cmotherofpirl Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I added my husbands name without a hyphen. He is long gone, but after 20+ years I am used to the name. However, if I ever remarried I don't know what I would do. Add another name to my list???
homeschoolmom Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Raphael' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:15 PM']I don't know what the Church says on the matter, but I'm going to refuse to go to weddings of that type...I'll just flat out refuse and tell them politely why. St. Thomas More, pray for us! (I ask his intercession because...well...he seems like the type of guy who would also refuse...) [right][snapback]885885[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Frankly, this is the type of information that wedding guests should not really know about the bride and groom anyway. You younger people are way too open with private information... [quote name='Sojourner' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:42 PM']My name is my reputation. I've worked really hard to build it, put a lot of blood sweat and tears into it. If I'm going to keep working in my chosen field, trading that in on a professional level might not be the best option for either me or my husband. It's not just people in my field that know who I am, but all the people I write about know me by a certain name. [right][snapback]885934[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Of course you could (and I'm sure this was mentioned somewhere) keep your name in your by line and use your husband's name privately. [quote name='Sojourner' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:47 PM']My general thought about straying from the registry is that most people buy from the registry. I'm not most people. Registries are suggestions. [right][snapback]885940[/snapback][/right] [/quote] You've obviously never been a bride. Those are the things that I want and I want you to buy them for me. I don't care if each fork costs $50! It's what I want! BUY IT FOR ME.... (I almost never buy from the registry... only if I'm at a complete loss) [quote name='Birgitta Noel' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:04 PM']Not all women keep their names (solely) for feminist reasons. I[right][snapback]885951[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Of course not. I had a friend though, who kept hers for feminist/professional reasons. Her children have her husband's name. A few years ago, she realized that it was making things really confusing and she wanted to switch. It was a mess... and quite expensive...
franciscanheart Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:34 PM']Frankly, this is the type of information that wedding guests should not really know about the bride and groom anyway. You younger people are way too open with private information... [right][snapback]885973[/snapback][/right] [/quote] if by private information you mean our views on problems plaguing our world, making us a culture of death, i would have to say i dont think we're doing anything wrong. quite frankly i think its important to know where your friends stand on such issues....
ironmonk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Feb 13 2006, 12:06 PM']Do forgive me if this has been recently debated... In your opinion, is it acceptable for a woman to keep her "traditionally supposed to be" maiden name instead of taking her husband's? If not, is it acceptable for a woman to keep her maiden name in addition to her husband's? If she keeps her maiden name in addition to the new name, is it acceptable to then use it on a regular basis as a part of her last name or should it be like a middle name or confirmation name (where by it is only used when saying your complete name)? [right][snapback]885757[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I haven't been able to find anything directly addressed by the Church in the Catechism. Because of what is in Scripture I would say that as the man being the head of the household, it should be the man's last name as the family name. Just one of the many verses showing the husband as head of the house... [b]Eph. 5:23 [/b] For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. God Bless, ironmonk
homeschoolmom Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 No, I mean, "Hey, come to our wedding! By the way, we're planning to use birth control." I guess if it's a very close friend, you probably know people's opinions. That's not really what I meant. What I meant was boycotting a wedding because you assume you know what the plans of the bride and groom are going to be. Even if they've discussed it in the past with you, you never know-- they might have changed their minds.
Birgitta Noel Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:34 PM']I had a friend though, who kept hers for feminist/professional reasons. Her children have her husband's name. A few years ago, she realized that it was making things really confusing and she wanted to switch. It was a mess... and quite expensive... [right][snapback]885973[/snapback][/right] [/quote] That's odd. It shouldn't cost anything other than the postage for the letters and maybe the cost getting a recent copy of the marriage certificate? I was married almost four years ago and just recently officially added his name, has been very simple....
Aloysius Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Apologies to any woman who doesn't think it's fair; but fair or not this is the way it is: our society is a patrinomial society. Women do not have last names. They take their father's name at birth, they take their husband's name at marriage. You could keep your maiden name but that'd just be keeping your father's name. You could keep your mother's maiden name but that'd be just keeping her father's name. You could keep your mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's maiden name. But that'd be her father's name. The only way you could, if you really cared so much and thought it unfair, have your own last name, is if you took one up yourself in the way last names were originally created. Pick your favorite color and make it your last name. Take on the name of the town you grew up in. Take the name of your highschool sports team. Name yourself after your profession. Et cetera et cetera. But if you'd rather just stick with the system we've put in place that works so well, cherish your first and middle name as the unique name about you. Take your husband's name and give that name to your children so your husband will feel more obligated to see through to the commitment of raising them (if they have his name, his pride is on the line... and because biologically speaking the father really doesn't have to stay and raise a kid an extra incentive like that appeals to him more primally than anything else)... use that name to name the family that you are starting anew. So yeah, you're not going to have Church teaching one way or the other. It's reason and common sense that appeal to the futility of trying to keep a maiden name or whatever. Our culture already arose into the current patrinomial system, and it is too deeply entrenched to ever get rid of it. Use all the hyphenations you want, try to keep a maiden name from however far back in history you want... it's not going to change our patrinomial naming system.
Sojourner Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Who said anything about changing the system? There are just aspects of it that aren't practical in every situation.
avemaria40 Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 boys take their father's last name too, they just keep it.
homeschoolmom Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Birgitta Noel' date='Feb 13 2006, 01:49 PM']That's odd. It shouldn't cost anything other than the postage for the letters and maybe the cost getting a recent copy of the marriage certificate? I was married almost four years ago and just recently officially added his name, has been very simple.... [right][snapback]886003[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I think it's been a hastle to get all of her documents changed and sometimes there are expenses with that.
Sojourner Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Feb 13 2006, 03:04 PM']I think it's been a hastle to get all of her documents changed and sometimes there are expenses with that. [right][snapback]886024[/snapback][/right] [/quote] If you change your name legally, there are court costs associated with it. And there are costs associated with all the documents -- Social Security, driver's license, checks, etc.
homeschoolmom Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 yep. My friend accidently spelled her son's name wrong on his birth certificate (she claims she was heavily drugged and her husband made the goof). Fortunately, there's a little bit of a grace period on those kinds of things and she didn't have to pay for the change. Otherwise his name would be Benjaman.
Aloysius Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Well, generally girls not taking their husband's last name are trying to preserve their individual name somehow. Just showing how they never had an individual last name in the first place. Yes, boys take their father's names they just keep them. That's why it's patrinomial, the names pass through the males. The females do not pass on names, ergo they do not have last names of their own. This naming system has served our society very well in taming and rehabilitating the damaged role of fatherhood. Nowadays feminists are trying to change the system, even if all you folks are not. It is interesting how their changing the system is coinciding with a great disintegration of the family unit, great divorce rate, et cetera. I'm not proposing if there is a causal relationship nor what direction that causal relationship would be going in, it's just interesting that at the same time we have this lack of good fatherhood (well, that's been damaged since the industrial revolution, but it's completely disintigrating now) we have an attack on the naming system which makes men feel like their pride is on the line in the wellbeing and raising of the children. Whether or not this naming occurs legally doesn't bother me too much. I wouldn't take a position either way there... if you really don't want to pay an extra fee at your marriage then that makes no difference to me. Of course, my brother and his girlfriend argued to me one time that the reason they didn't get married was because they couldn't afford the fees for the marriage licence et cetera... so just be mindful of the full spectrum that that mindset occurs in...
homeschoolmom Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='Aloysius' date='Feb 13 2006, 02:14 PM'] if you really don't want to pay an extra fee at your marriage then that makes no difference to me. Of course, my brother and his girlfriend argued to me one time that the reason they didn't get married was because they couldn't afford the fees for the marriage licence et cetera... so just be mindful of the full spectrum that that mindset occurs in... [right][snapback]886033[/snapback][/right] [/quote] There is not extra fee at marriage (at least not in Wisconsin)... The name change is done ON the marriage license. Both people have the option to change their names at that time. And the cost of a marriage license is a cop out... Ours only cost $40. I'm sure they cost more now, but not a whole lot.... I'm curious if any states requre a blood test anymore to get married....
Sojourner Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Feb 13 2006, 03:22 PM']There is not extra fee at marriage (at least not in Wisconsin)... The name change is done ON the marriage license. Both people have the option to change their names at that time. And the cost of a marriage license is a cop out... Ours only cost $40. I'm sure they cost more now, but not a whole lot.... I'm curious if any states requre a blood test anymore to get married.... [right][snapback]886041[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Yeah, it's like $50 here. Not a reason to not get married.
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