Why can't I find a good man?

[jckinsman]

Wow! Somehow I think I'd like this Father Ray! But the reality is , I am really the youngest of 11, one of my brothers died before I was born! So I guess 12 is the magic number! JC

[XIX]

Catholic dozen, baby.

[Old_Joe]

I'm the youngest of 12.

My advice is to not look under a rock.

[Socrates]

While of course, I can't know if anyone else's personal experience here, my own experiences make me wonder about this whole thing.

Quite a few single young women in my parish and community cannot be bothered to so much as talk to me, yet I find them on Catholic singles sites, complaining in their profiles about how they can't "find a good Catholic man."

Well maybe I don't fit that description, but it seems that a lot of Catholic single women complain about the lack of "good Catholic men," while regarding single Catholic men in their own community as somehow beneath their notice, and not worth even checking out. They won't dare move outside their own tiny social clique - yet cast out into cyberspace hoping to catch that elusive "good Catholic man."


BTW, where's "Norseman" these days? ~ I miss his gripings on similar topics - bachelor misery loves company!

Edited April 26, 2007 by Socrates

[jckinsman]

Yes, I do agree,Some women miss out on "good catholic men" in there own back yard.,,,But maybe they only want 1/2 of a good catholic man, and the other half "real nasty" catholic man...have you ever thought of that??????............No, because your too busy thinking of yourself.............so really you might just qualify as half cath./half nast.!...........so pretty much you should be up for grabs....Right????
Just kidding!.(I hope you knew this).....Just know, women are just silly that way! I asked my sister one time why she did not like this one gentlemen caller?? I was puzzled, he was nice, kind and polite etc.( yes, he was handsome too) She said, she did not like him because he was "too nice"! Needless to say,my jaw dropped and I thought,"Where did my parents go wrong????" I must of been under the mistakin' impression, thats what you were to look for.(Of course catholic being a given!) Needless to say ,she's in a miserable marriage........guess what the problem is??? The crazy thing of it is, we don't know what we want,but we want you to know,what we want it at all times! Good Luck and God's many Blessings...................oh yes,Thank you lord for the sacrament of marriage! JC

Edited April 26, 2007 by jckinsman

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1256568' date='Apr 25 2007, 09:51 PM']Well maybe I don't fit that description, but it seems that a lot of Catholic single women complain about the lack of "good Catholic men," while regarding single Catholic men in their own community as somehow beneath their notice, and not worth even checking out.[/quote]

i think the cure to this comes with age. the older you get, the faster the clock ticks, and the singles start to rise higher and higher up the prospective totem pole. it seems women start to panic towards the age of 35.

ok ladies, i'm ready for the flogging. be gentle.

[Sojourner]

I actually find myself getting pickier as I get older. I'd rather live out my life alone than live it with the wrong guy.

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1256699' date='Apr 26 2007, 06:19 AM']I actually find myself getting pickier as I get older. I'd rather live out my life alone than live it with the wrong guy.[/quote]

hm any possibility for a vocation?

i've learned from couples who have given me real advice, as well as through religious talks and such, that it doesn't come down to the person being just right for you, it comes down to *you* being right. if you look at the flaws of a guy as being wrong, you will never find the right guy. it's about you being able to accept these things and be successful in the relationship regardless.
this is where i think God comes in. to be able to truly love God, is to truly be able to love other people, in that order.

so then i think, does that mean you "settle" for someone? well then they say that you obviously you would only date someone who was compatible with you in the first place, and who you are attracted to (although i've met girls who say they weren't really attracted to the guy at first).. someone that you can get along with, someone that would be a good mother/father.

this sets the good possibility of a potential mate, and this is where you would need to look past the little "annoyances" and not be so picky. you would look at the big picture of whether or not you could have a future and family with them.

finally this is where i end the conversation because i don't want to think about which one of my female friends has potential, or the whole courtship/marriage business in the first place. luckily i have school to think about.. for now.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='johnnydigit' post='1257067' date='Apr 26 2007, 04:09 PM']hm any possibility for a vocation?

i've learned from couples who have given me real advice, as well as through religious talks and such, that it doesn't come down to the person being just right for you, it comes down to *you* being right. if you look at the flaws of a guy as being wrong, you will never find the right guy. it's about you being able to accept these things and be successful in the relationship regardless.
this is where i think God comes in. to be able to truly love God, is to truly be able to love other people, in that order.

so then i think, does that mean you "settle" for someone? well then they say that you obviously you would only date someone who was compatible with you in the first place, and who you are attracted to (although i've met girls who say they weren't really attracted to the guy at first).. someone that you can get along with, someone that would be a good mother/father.

this sets the good possibility of a potential mate, and this is where you would need to look past the little "annoyances" and not be so picky. you would look at the big picture of whether or not you could have a future and family with them.

finally this is where i end the conversation because i don't want to think about which one of my female friends has potential, or the whole courtship/marriage business in the first place. luckily i have school to think about.. for now.[/quote]
I don't believe so on the religious vocation. My pull has consistently been toward marriage.

Of course you have to be willing to accept the flaws, etc. But you stated that you see women begin to "panic" at about 35, implying that they would then be willing to settle to anyone who happened across their paths. I don't see myself getting to that point; in fact, I have been moving in the opposite direction. Rather than settling for just anyone, I have a better idea of what I'm looking for in terms of the kind of personality that complements mine well. Part of that is due to the fact that I know myself better, and what I can and cannot tolerate in a relationship. So I am pickier in terms of not dating just any random person.

Give me five years, though, and I may be singing a different tune.

Edited April 26, 2007 by Terra Firma

[curtins]

[quote name='annabelle87' post='1051146' date='Aug 26 2006, 07:41 PM']So I met this amazing guy last November and we started dating in January...he's 23, grad student, Catholic, doesn't party, values family, respects me, respects my family...wow amazing right? I felt so blessed...I found the kind of person I've always prayed about.

He broke up with me a few weeks ago for stupid reasons. I was/am dumbfounded. My parents even liked him and thought we would get married.

I know I need to trust God because He has a plan and I know this isn't gonna sound too Christian but I hate love and I hate men and I hate having my heart broken again and again. And this time could be the worst, because he was so different. It's not fair. I hate it!

I'm sorry don't mean to sound like a pathetic case but I just needed to vent [/quote]

Didn't party? thats a sure sign to avoid to begin with......


God does have a plan for you. In the meantime..... I'm single........ I think......

[theculturewarrior]

I am not sure what advice or consolation I have to offer. I prayed a novena to Saint Therese asking for discernment of my vocation, and had pretty much assumed it was to be single, so I just gave up. Later that month I met my future wife, and praise God, she is open to life, which is so hard to find.

Edited April 26, 2007 by theculturewarrior

[jckinsman]

[quote name='theculturewarrior' post='1257093' date='Apr 26 2007, 05:30 PM']I am not sure what advice or consolation I have to offer. I prayed a novena to Saint Therese asking for discernment of my vocation, and had pretty much assumed it was to be single, so I just gave up. Later that month I met my future wife, and praise God, she is open to life, which is so hard to find.[/quote]
This to is a worry for me also, in the fact I'am raising six children. Four of them boys two are Girls! Will they be able to find spouses that are not sucked in by the culture of death and assume that birth control is okay! So I guess,as far as finding a good man goes, what about that good woman too????? My children pray for their spouses and vocations, I pray that they "all" have the ears to hear it! JC

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1257075' date='Apr 26 2007, 03:16 PM']Part of that is due to the fact that I know myself better, and what I can and cannot tolerate in a relationship. So I am pickier in terms of not dating just any random person.

Give me five years, though, and I may be singing a different tune.[/quote]

5 years guaranteed.

one day i sat next to the girl i've been dreaming of, and to my surprise, her constant fidgeting during mass annoyed the carp out of me. i was thinking, "how on earth could i have possibly been so enamored by this person? i bet if we did get together i'd have found many more things like that.." i knew it true what they say, how you want the person you can't have, and when you have them, you don't want them anymore.

i still want her.

[theculturewarrior]

Dear single phatmassers:

One problem I've had with Christian women was the expectation of perfection. This is not a problem I've had personally (being perfect and what not) but I have seen many women turn away good men because they simply could not accept them. I have known men with the same problem but in a much more idiotic fashion. If the most detestable woman on earth was the most attractive woman on earth, many men, including so-called "good men" would be willing to overlook that. But if a woman has the form of a woman, and not the emaciated figure of a 90 lb heroin addicted supermodel, some men would leave her for having spinach stuck in her teeth. I find that disgusting, and I think it betrays a perverted cultural sense of what is beautiful. But men are suckers.

I am saying this bluntly, and I hope it rubs no one the wrong way, but the good news is, God has someone for everyone, and when the time is right, he will lead that someone to you. It won't be Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, but it will be Mr. or Mrs. Right. and you will be happy submitting to the will of God.

Edited April 30, 2007 by theculturewarrior

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='theculturewarrior' post='1260852' date='Apr 30 2007, 02:23 PM']Dear single phatmassers:

One problem I've had with Christian women was the expectation of perfection. This is not a problem I've had personally (being perfect and what not) but I have seen many women turn away good men because they simply could not accept them. I have known men with the same problem but in a much more idiotic fashion. If the most detestable woman on earth was the most attractive woman on earth, many men, including so-called "good men" would be willing to overlook that. But if a woman has the form of a woman, and not the emaciated figure of a 90 lb heroin addicted supermodel, some men would leave her for having spinach stuck in her teeth. I find that disgusting, and I think it betrays a perverted cultural sense of what is beautiful. But men are suckers.

I am saying this bluntly, and I hope it rubs no one the wrong way, but the good news is, God has someone for everyone, and when the time is right, he will lead that someone to you. It won't be Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, but it will be Mr. or Mrs. Right. and you will be happy submitting to the will of God.[/quote]


yep i agree 100%. i'm an idiot, a perv, a sucker, and i know it. it's always attraction at first and normal, but of course i do try to look for the practical aspects i mentioned before. and with friends whom i wasn't attracted to at first, i consider the possibilities..

oh ya what i heard was, "it's not you looking for Mr. Right or Mrs. Right all the time, it's whether YOU are right yet."