I Admit, I Need Help...

[let_go_let_God]

You're Dad only probably flips out because he cares for you. When I finally admited my past with self abuse to my father, he yelled and screamed, scared me right into my room, and I just burst into tears. After about a half hour straight of crying he came back in and apologised coming to the realization that this was my battle and yelling wouldn't help me anyway. Tell them and do not be afraid.

Prayers

God bless-
LGLG

[HeavenlyCalling]

Like John Paul the Great always said, be not afriad, God is with you no matter what you do.

[Jaime]

[quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1109758' date='Nov 3 2006, 12:17 PM']
No, I really can't tell my parents. My dad makes things worse for me enough as it is. He would flip out if he found out that I was doing this and it would just make everything worse. It would just be one more thing for him to yell at me about, and every time he yells at me it makes me want to cut. And that's one of the reasons why I don't want to tell my therapist--she'll probably tell my parents. I'm going to have to do this on my own, at least until I see my NP at the end of the month, and then [i]maybe[/i] I will tell her.
[/quote]


Ok you need to understand something that is very very important. Your therapist will not tell your parents about anything that goes on in your sessions. That would be totally contradictory to your relationship with her! The therapist is there FOR YOU! Your dad my be paying the bill, but you are her priority not your parents. Holding back anything from your therapist is NOT GOING TO HELP.

If your dad is flipping out and making things worse, then I would STRONGLY suggest that you, your dad and your mom go in together and do some sessions.


talk to your therapist. talk to your therapist





Talk to your therapist

[shortnun]

[quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1109401' date='Nov 2 2006, 08:54 PM']
Well he told me to tell my counselor.
[/quote]
Will your SD go with you when you tell your counselor?

[underOATH]

[quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1109758' date='Nov 3 2006, 01:17 PM']
No, I really can't tell my parents. My dad makes things worse for me enough as it is. He would flip out if he found out that I was doing this and it would just make everything worse. It would just be one more thing for him to yell at me about, and every time he yells at me it makes me want to cut. And that's one of the reasons why I don't want to tell my therapist--she'll probably tell my parents. I'm going to have to do this on my own, at least until I see my NP at the end of the month, and then [i]maybe[/i] I will tell her.
[/quote]

Like I said b4 If you wanna talk just email me chasing__safety@hotmail.com I understand most of what your going through.

[kamiller42]

I am no expert in this field, but I have noticed what works. Find someone who has been through this to serve as leader. Find a buddy in a boat similar to yours. Led by the leader, the two of you (or more) make the journey through the storm. It can be done. It has been done. You are not the first to suffer these problems. Journey with those who know what it takes to triumph!

[url="http://www.4woman.gov/faq/easyread/anorexia-etr.htm#4"]As this web site shows[/url], what you're thinking and feeling is a symptom of anorexia. Like a runny nose when I have cold is not me, the negative feelings you have are not who you are.

The question you need to ask yourself, do you [i]really[/i] want to get better? I think you do. This means you will need the assistance of others. This is nothing to be afraid of. Even Moses needed help.
[quote]10 So Joshua did as Moses told him: he engaged Amalek in battle after Moses had climbed to the top of the hill with Aaron and Hur.
11 As long as Moses kept his hands raised up, Israel had the better of the fight, but when he let his hands rest, Amalek had the better of the fight.
12 [b]Moses' hands, however, grew tired[/b]; so they put a rock in place for him to sit on. Meanwhile Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, so that his hands remained steady till sunset.
Ex 17:10-12
[/quote]
I provide [url="http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=303"]this web page[/url] in the hope you take advantage of their services. They are more qualified than us. They know the battle you are experiencing. They'll help you when your "hands grow tired." They can help you beat this!

[Groo the Wanderer]

Heavenly Father, Precious Savior, Most Holy Sanctifier, hear the cry of your child in need. Be with her as she walks this journey. Take this cross from her. Bless it and break it so that when You hand it back to Your precious disciple, she will know that You are there with her to carry it alongside her. Make her journey short and smooth her path before her. Let her know that You are with her all the way and You will rejoice with her when she emerges victorious from this shadow.

Amen.

[fearundercontrol]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1109862' date='Nov 3 2006, 03:39 PM']
Ok you need to understand something that is very very important. Your therapist will not tell your parents about anything that goes on in your sessions.
[/quote]
That only goes so far though. There's an exception to that rule--if I am or am going to hurt myself or someone else, if I am posing danger to myself or anyone else. And I believe anorexia falls under that exception.

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1109862' date='Nov 3 2006, 03:39 PM']
If your dad is flipping out and making things worse, then I would STRONGLY suggest that you, your dad and your mom go in together and do some sessions.
[/quote]
I've tried that and it never works. I clam up. They've gone in separately and it seemed to work at first, but I don't really knokw how much good it did in the end.

[KizlarAgha]

The hardest thing to do is tell your parents something you know will hurt them and upset and something that you know will make them angry. But that is precisely what you must do. I remember thinking my dad was going to shoot me when I told him about my personal issues, but he didn't. Our relationship is much improved because of it, and I am much healthier mentally. You must tell them if you want to stop living in fear and shame.

[fearundercontrol]

Yeah but I know how it's going to end up because this has happened numerous times before. And it never ends up good at all.

[Groo the Wanderer]

Have faith dear Child of Christ. He does not want you to suffer and if you place your faith in Him, He will get you through anything.

If you won;t do it for yourself, will you do it for Him, since he wants you to be healthy and happy and freed of this burdon?


Love in Christ!

Edited November 3, 2006 by Groo the Wanderer

[fearundercontrol]

I can't. I don't even know if I want to.

[Groo the Wanderer]

How about for the Phatpham? We would weep for our dear sister if you came to further harm.

[fearundercontrol]

I decided I'll tell my NP at the end of the month. But that's as much as I can do.

[Kosh]

are you going to mass and confession regularly? Being close to God will REALLY help. I know. I'm going through something similar, but not the same. Same thing, different sin. So you could PM me and I"ll try to help as much as I can.

Keep up a prayer life!! Being close to God is the most important thing there is!!

[fearundercontrol]

I go to Mass every week. The last time I went to confession was a month ago. But there's no point in going to confession for this if I don't have any intention of changing.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

Dear fearundercontrol,

I have a very close friend who has been in hospital for a year with chronic anorexia and a serious compulsion to self-harm. She has made several suicide attempts, and has no prospect of getting out of hospital yet. Like you, she really struggled to tell her parents, and ultimately they only found out about the full extent of her illness when she was rushed into hospital following an overdose. Her name is Miranda and she is fifteen years old.

You pray for her, and I will ask her to pray for you. Often the best way of defeating your own nightmare is to help someone else defeat theirs. Know that you aren't alone in your struggle. Devote yourself to the Sacred Heart and ask to be hidden inside it every morning when you wake up, using these words:

O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.
O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.
O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

This is how I close my Morning Prayer. Saying it is like lighting a bonfire in my soul. I trust that one day you will have the courage to tell your parents, but you must take these things one step at a time. Recovery is a slow process.

However, it is important to consider that anorexia can't remain hidden for long. If your parents discover that you've been suffering in silence, they might feel even more hurt than they would have been if you had told them at the beginning. Perhaps you could write them a letter? That would give them a chance to digest the information and calm down before they saw you again.

I also suggest going on retreat. You need some quiet time alone with Our Lord. And pray, pray to St Catherine of Siena for help - it has long been thought that she suffered from anorexia.

[quote]But there's no point in going to confession for this if I don't have any intention of changing.[/quote]

Just a quick note - anorexia is not a sin. It's something you can't help. Confession is good because it deepens your relationship with Christ, so you should go regularly to remind yourself of His love and mercy. But I don't think anyone was suggesting that you confess your disordered eating as a sin. If you wanted, you could ask the priest's advice on the subject while you are in the confessional, but that would be something quite different.

[lanie]

I'm really not sure what I'm going to say here but I hope whatever comes out is of some help.

I used to self harm, and I had some issues with eating disorders. For me self harm was an addiction, it was my coping mechanism just as some people use alcohol. Both put me in control, both allowed me to run my life. The self harm allowed me to take all of what I was going through out on myself. I also started drinking a lot. It was a way for me to forget what was really going on inside. My lack of eating, the alcohol consuption and the self harm were all destroying me. Only one person knew at the beginning of it all, my ex boyfriend, who didn't even seem to care he never questioned me, he never even seemed to notice my scars, it wasn't until a few years later that I realised how painful that was at the time. No one else knew until I snapped. The person who was with me when I snapped was a franciscan friar of the renewal, slowly I opened up to a few more people, all of these people were within the retreats I attended. My parents didn't know nor did my friends at home. No one really had any idea. When I was at my lowest point my Mum asked me if I was on drugs, I laughed in her face. I said no but I wasn't going to tell her what was really going on. I got to a point where the self harm wasn't enough for me so I went to my GP and explained the basics, and that I was beginning to scare myself and how much further it could go. He sent me to a psychiatrist, who quickly put me on anti-depressants. I took myself off them after just a few months when a friend told me I didn't seem to be myself and I figured it was because of the pills.
I soon stopped seeing him and decided I had to sort myself out, it took some time to convince myself but I knew I couldn't keep living my life in the destructive way I was. So I decided I had to stop pretending to be someone and I threw myself into my faith. I did a formation course, it was like a month retreat. It was incredible it was really hard and a lot of the time I felt like I was fighting the devil. But I got through all thanks to God. Once I had opened up about my sufferings I had people to talk to, I even began talking about it and discovered quite how many other people I knew had self harmed. I really felt that God around that time placed angels along my path, people who truely cared for me. People who understood, but if I'd have kept hiding who knows if I'd even be alive today.
It took me a long time to get through it, but it's a decision you have to really set your heart and mind on, I threw myself at the feet of Christ and he pulled me up and embraced me. I still struggle a lot, I've been tempted to self harm and I've fallen more than once, I've skipped meals wanting to have that control over my body wanting to reach the perfection that the world tells me I ought to be. But in God's eye's we are perfect. He forgives us everytime. I'm still trying to grasp that, I'm still incredibly broken, I still struggle daily but now I really know that God is with me in it all and that he pulled me through and continues to pick me up everytime I fall. In a lot of ways I'm glad I went through these things, I wouldn't want to do it again, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone but I feel it's truly made me who I am.
You need to want to do this, otherwise it wont work, but I'll pray for you. It'll be hard to overcome but the other side is much more beautiful. God bless you.

[fearundercontrol]

I can't believe how hard it was for me not to tell my therapist today. I actually kind of wanted to. But I just wouldn't let myself. I can't wait until I see Sherie (the NP) at the end of the month. Man do I feel messed up.

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1110763' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:06 PM']
However, it is important to consider that anorexia can't remain hidden for long.
[/quote]
You'd be surprised. Last time I had lost 18 pounds in a month and a half, and my parents hadn't noticed, even though I displayed pretty much all the signs of anorexia. They didn't know until my counselor told them. I really wonder, if nothing had been said, how long it would have been before they noticed...or if they would have noticed at all.

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1110763' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:06 PM']
Just a quick note - anorexia is not a sin. It's something you can't help.
[/quote]
But I made the decision to do it.

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1111019' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:22 PM']
I can't believe how hard it was for me not to tell my therapist today. I actually kind of wanted to. But I just wouldn't let myself.[/quote]
Have you thought about writing a letter and giving it to your therapist? Sometimes writing is easier that having to say it out loud the first time.

If you do tell your parents, who most likely react the way they do because they care about you, an indirect approach might help. Maybe explaining how you are nervous about telling them because it will upset them, but you need their support more than any other kind of reaction so that you can get better.

[quote]But I made the decision to do it.[/quote]
There are mitigating circumstances. God knows that sometimes we are in harder positions to choose to do what we should than other times. Anorexia is a disease because it is so hard to break that pattern of thinking and acting. You should not blame yourself for falling into that choice.

You have only done wrong where you are if you don't care to ever change. That is clearly not the case because you did tell you spiritual director and are posting here. What is important here is that you want to get better. Sometimes people fall and mess up in life. Sometimes we need a little help to get back to where we should be. What matters is that you keep trying. God knows that is hard on you for you to deal with and He is pleased everytime His children choose to try again.

No matter how hard this may be for you, you will get better. No matter how inadequate you may feel sometimes, you have one more powerful than anything on your side. He will never give up on you. You can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13