Age Difference Between Couple

[friendofJPII]

My friend just got engaged to a guy 20 years older than her. What do you think? She is 30 and he is 50.

Edited July 9, 2008 by friendofJPII

[icelandic_iceskater]

my uncle's ex wife is married to a guy 20 years older than her. They're happy.

ETA: she was maybe 40-45 when she got married. He was 60-65ish

Edited July 9, 2008 by icelandic_iceskater

[goldenchild17]

I don't necessarily think it's wrong necessarily if they are a good match. But personally, I just think its a little weird.

[friendofJPII]

yeah, when she told me I was like, "woaah..they've only been dating a month and he was married before and has two teenage daughters." I'm not sure if I should give my blessing or express my concern. He's a solid Catholic, tho, and a very nice guy, so it seems I only met him once.

People age at different rates, so it depends on the couple.

Edited July 9, 2008 by friendofJPII

[XIX]

Personally, I'd be more worried about them getting engaged after only a month. I think it takes a solid year to get to know the person well enough to think you might marry him or her.


"Clock watching" is not a good reason to rush into a marriage, IMO.

[Lisieux Flower]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1596467' date='Jul 9 2008, 06:06 PM']yeah, when she told me I was like, "woaah..they've only been dating a month and he was married before and has two teenage daughters." I'm not sure if I should give my blessing or express my concern. He's a solid Catholic, tho, and a very nice guy, so it seems I only met him once.

People age at different rates, so it depends on the couple.[/quote]
Wow! Only a month? That would worry me more than the age difference. I know that sometimes you just "know" when you're dating the person that you're meant to be with, but you should still develop a solid, strong relationship before dedicating your heart, body, and soul to someone for the rest of your life. If it were my friend, I would probably recommend a long engagement, just so she can grow closer to this man and develop a bond that would be able to withstand the obstacles in their future.

[iggyjoan]

My friend's dad was in college before his future wife was even born.

[cmotherofpirl]

I know someone who is "dating" someone the same age as his children. When his son found out he asked the father if he was planning to adopt her.

[CatherineM]

We were both 43 when we got married, and we married fairly fast. Our bones were half dust by that point, and we both felt that we were burning daylight. Actually we just so well suited for each other, and so much in love, we just didn't see the point in a long engagement.

My mother has lived the last 22 years with a man 15 years younger than she is. The whole thing creeped us all out, but it wasn't the age difference. It was the fact they moved in together 6 months after my dad died, and he's a registered sex offender. Just what everyone wants for their mom.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1596501' date='Jul 9 2008, 06:51 PM']We were both 43 when we got married, and we married fairly fast. Our bones were half dust by that point, and we both felt that we were burning daylight. Actually we just so well suited for each other, and so much in love, we just didn't see the point in a long engagement.

My mother has lived the last 22 years with a man 15 years younger than she is. The whole thing creeped us all out, but it wasn't the age difference. It was the fact they moved in together 6 months after my dad died, and he's a registered sex offender. Just what everyone wants for their mom.[/quote]


I love your avatar, Catherine!

Yeah, I'm not one for long courtships, esp. if you are older, but I think you give it at least 6 months. Fred Thompson and his wife Jerry are 26 years apart and that really weird, imo. He looked like a Grandpa and she looked so young.!

Edited July 10, 2008 by friendofJPII

[icelandic_iceskater]

didn't hitler marry someone a lot younger than him? like his niece or something?

[Farsight one]

It not an impossible thing for it to work, but it is something that I would generally discourage. The maturity gap can cause some pretty big problems.

[Barbarus]

There is a little over 12 years difference between my SO and I, and it makes not one whit of difference in our relationship. Age is a state of mind, and has more to do with your continued willingness to explore the world around you than anything else. I could definitely see being with someone 20 years different and it being OK, as long as it was the right person with the right mindset. It has more to do with the individuals involved than making a blanket statement about age. Age is one of many factors to take into consideration, and I think should not in and of itself be a dealbreaker.

And we told each other we wanted to marry each other after about 2 months of dating, although we both knew sooner. I suspect we'll be married within a year after the time we started dating. When it is right, you know, and I think you know pretty quickly. It should not take a year to figure things out.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Barbarus' post='1596541' date='Jul 9 2008, 08:01 PM']There is a little over 12 years difference between my SO and I, and it makes not one whit of difference in our relationship. Age is a state of mind, and has more to do with your continued willingness to explore the world around you than anything else. I could definitely see being with someone 20 years different and it being OK, as long as it was the right person with the right mindset. It has more to do with the individuals involved than making a blanket statement about age. Age is one of many factors to take into consideration, and I think should not in and of itself be a dealbreaker.

And we told each other we wanted to marry each other after about 2 months of dating, although we both knew sooner. I suspect we'll be married within a year after the time we started dating. When it is right, you know, and I think you know pretty quickly. It should not take a year to figure things out.[/quote]

Does anyone know the maximum age span the Church will marry? Someone told me 30 years...is that correct?

[Deb]

wow. A three way tie in opinions.

I think when anyone dates someone twenty years younger than them, they are trying to recapture their youth or stroke their ego.

If they date someone twenty years older than them, they are looking for a mommy or daddy to take care of them.

If they decide to marry someone after knowing them a month. They will probably be single again in a couple of years.

[StColette]

I don't think there is a problem with that type of age gap, especially given the older ages of the couple. Not that 30 and 50 are old, but it's a big difference say between 18 and 38. Maturity levels are generally a little different when one of the future spouses are still in their teens or early twenties. I put my faith in the priest to determine if the couple should marry or not.

As for the short courtship. Micah and I started dating with the sole intention that we would be married. We were friends first and grew very close to one another. We only made that next step to courtship when we knew for certain, through much prayer and guidance from the Holy Spirit, that we were meant to be married to one another. So in a way, Micah and I have been engaged since the first day we started dating.

As for the Church's maximum age span for couples getting married, I don't know, and I've never heard of any such stance from the Church.

[StColette]

[quote name='Deb' post='1596563' date='Jul 9 2008, 09:49 PM']wow. A three way tie in opinions.

I think when anyone dates someone twenty years younger than them, they are trying to recapture their youth or stroke their ego.

If they date someone twenty years older than them, they are looking for a mommy or daddy to take care of them.

If they decide to marry someone after knowing them a month. They will probably be single again in a couple of years.[/quote]

I think those are pretty harsh, especially because we know nothing of the couple nor their intentions. I wouldn't judge them in that way. It may be true and it may not be true, but frankly that's for a priest, not us, to determine if they have the correction intentions for this marriage.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='StColette' post='1596566' date='Jul 9 2008, 08:53 PM']I think those are pretty harsh, especially because we know nothing of the couple nor their intentions. I wouldn't judge them in that way. It may be true and it may not be true, but frankly that's for a priest, not us, to determine if they have the correction intentions for this marriage.[/quote]


yes, but I don't think the priest can deny marriage to anyone, can he? Unless there is a real impediment. They marry couples who are living together all the time.

[StColette]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1596568' date='Jul 9 2008, 09:56 PM']yes, but I don't think the priest can deny marriage to anyone, can he? Unless there is a real impediment. They marry couples who are living together all the time.[/quote]

A priest has every right as an ordained priest of the Church to deny marriage to anyone that he does not see as fit to marry. This means that if the priest sees that the couple is not prepared nor has the right intention for marriage that he can deny them the sacrament of marriage or ask that they postpone and have further instruction with a priest. I know quite a few priests who have refused to marry couples for several different reasons. Sadly though many priests today don't take seriously the Sacrament of Marriage.

I wanted to add that the Sacraments aren't there for us to take, they just don't really belong to us where we can take them when we want them. I mean if a Priest or DRE doesn't feel that a child is ready for First Communion or Confirmation then they can not give them First Communion or Confirm them and make them go through further instruction.

[CatherineM]

Our priest canceled our wedding two days before the date because someone raised questions about my husband's competence to marry. They can deny marrying someone for a variety of reasons, including just gut instinct.