Age Difference Between Couple

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1596586' date='Jul 9 2008, 09:14 PM']Our priest canceled our wedding two days before the date because someone raised questions about my husband's competence to marry. They can deny marrying someone for a variety of reasons, including just gut instinct.[/quote]

oh wow, I was told that since the couple administers the sacrament they cannot deny them the right to marry unless there is a Church impediment. Thanks for the info.

[picchick]

I think that when it comes to a certain age, it doesn't matter. For example, I wouldn't date a teenager but once you are in your twenties it doesn't really matter. I don't know that is just what I am thinking which right now may not be too clear

[CatherineM]

FriendofJPII-The couple does actually administer the sacrament to each other with the priest or deacon as witness for the church, but your pastor still has the right to say no to the "witness." Maturity, or mental capacity, is a church impediment, and it is a very arbitrary one left to the discretion and wisdom of your pastor. I did the paperwork for an annulment once where the couple had shopped around to 6 priests before finding one that would agree to marry them. The first 5 had issues with them marrying. The 6th was older, retired, and I almost wonder if he wasn't bored. Anyway, the marriage lasted 3 years, and their shopping around was pretty good evidence of their immaturity, by not being willing to go through pre-marriage counseling that the first 5 priests had wanted them to go through, and they were given an annulment. They were in their 50's, but still considered immature in the eyes of the church.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='picchick' post='1596610' date='Jul 10 2008, 03:58 AM']I think that when it comes to a certain age, it doesn't matter. For example, I wouldn't date a teenager but once you are in your twenties it doesn't really matter. I don't know that is just what I am thinking which right now may not be too clear [/quote]
No, I think you're right. There's an 8-yr difference between my aunt & uncle, but you don't notice it because it wasn't like they got married at 15 & 23 or anything.

20 years is quite an age gap, but I don't necessarily think it's horrible. Getting engaged after just 1 month, eh, it's possible. I don't know them, so I can't really speak about it.

[missionarybelle]

i know a couple who re 20 years apart and have lots of beautiful children and are very much in love.

i know it can be hard now for the kids though becuase they're dad is 80 something and they're all just in their 20s or so. but i know they'd rather that the parents had gotten married rather than stayed apart and never had any of them

[Faith 1st]

My mom is 10 years older than my step dad.....and they have been happy for about 26 years....

My step dad was about 21 and my mom 31. When they started dating.

So my stepdad is 11 years older than my sister....now it sounds wierd huh

[goldbug16]

It's a bit odd, I mean, if the girl was 25 and the guy was 45....That just seems a little sketchy to me. I really don't know. It's a hard question. I think that it would depend on the couple...

[Deb]

[quote name='StColette' post='1596566' date='Jul 9 2008, 09:53 PM']I think those are pretty harsh, especially because we know nothing of the couple nor their intentions. I wouldn't judge them in that way. It may be true and it may not be true, but frankly that's for a priest, not us, to determine if they have the correction intentions for this marriage.[/quote]


Good thing I am entitled to my opinion. I am basing it on the people I have known in that situation.

[StColette]

[quote name='Deb' post='1597045' date='Jul 10 2008, 02:16 PM']Good thing I am entitled to my opinion. I am basing it on the people I have known in that situation.[/quote]

Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, but saying such things as a blanket statement could cause slander to someone's reputation and can fall under the sin of gossip. The way you worded your statements made it sound as if all people who marry under those age gap circumstances only have those things in mind. So like I said, we just have to be careful of making statements like that because it can give others the wrong impression of the couple.

[Noel's angel]

If it's not okay, I think I may be single forever....

[hérisson]

[quote name='icelandic_iceskater' post='1596528' date='Jul 10 2008, 03:41 AM']didn't hitler marry someone a lot younger than him? like his niece or something?[/quote]

No, his secretary. Ended up in suicide. Tragic story. Certainly not to recommend as an example.
Wait : I'm not saying that's a reason for a negative judgement on the quesiton in general.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='hérisson' post='1597128' date='Jul 10 2008, 03:19 PM']No, his secretary. Ended up in suicide. Tragic story. Certainly not to recommend as an example.
Wait : I'm not saying that's a reason for a negative judgement on the quesiton in general.[/quote]


I just talked to my friend who was a theology major and he said that there is no age span limit. So technically an 80 year old and a 20 year could marry. He also said that the Church cannot deny the sacrament to a couple that is living together. Interesting. I'm more concerned about the fact they have only been dating for such a short time. The Sacrament of Mariage is too great a commitment to be entered into with someone you just met,imo.

Edited July 10, 2008 by friendofJPII

[CatherineM]

My parents had 8 years separating them, my grandparents too. I'm actually older than my husband. About 93 days, but I'm still his elder, so I expect him to mind.

[fides quarens intellectum]

i voted no - we don't have to look very far back in history to find that such age differences have never been as uncommon as they might appear today - the husband had to establish himself and such before choosing a much younger bride...

Today, though, if they are both psychologically stable (i.e. he's not "stroking his ego" and she's not looking to replace daddy), and they are both adults, well, i personally don't see a problem with it. Plus, there's that whole idea about women maturing more quickly than men.

As for the engagement after a month, well, i find that a bit more worrisome, but perhaps they have good reason... i don't know.

[Paddington]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1597208' date='Jul 10 2008, 09:09 PM']He also said that the Church cannot deny the sacrament to a couple that is living together.[/quote]

That sounds wrong. How can the Church that gives annullments be obliged to [i]anybody[/i]?

[Totus Tuus]

I think part of it depends on how old they actually are. Someone twenty marrying someone forty seems more drastic than someone forty marrying someone sixty, but honestly there is no way around the fact that TWENTY YEARS IS A BIG GAP!

I once went out with someone who was about seven years older than I, and sometimes it felt like we had come from different generations. He was done with college and I hadn't even started... it was just too weird. I know successful marriages where the wife was at least ten years younger, but I know that for myself that would not work at all.

Edited July 12, 2008 by Totus Tuus

[Anastasia13]

Unless they are both old, then that much age difference seems like a bit much. I mean, at 20, you could have a kid. Then that kid would be the age of the person you are dating. And people are in such different stages of life as young adults from people say 20 years older. If the younger person is younger than say 40ish, I will probably be against it.

Edited July 12, 2008 by Light and Truth

[Winchester]

It isn't the calendar years, it's the physical appearance. It only matters whether the older person is old looking. Like Demi Moore--she's really slid down Age Mountain and is closing in on Ancient Gorge. I'm against stuff like that. But Sally Field is still cute as a button, so her dating a younger guy wouldn't bother me.

[Norseman82]

Well, if we're going to constantly tell people who are seeking spouses that they need to be patient and God will send them one in His time, not ours, then we had better be prepared to deal with a rash or 45-yo males seeking the twenty-something females. A friend of mine married last year - he was 47, and his bride was 30 or 31; neither were maried before. They had their first child earlier this year, 10 months after the wedding.

[melporcristo]

JMJ

Thats funny this came up because there's this little old man at Daily Mass who wants to "get to know me". No GRACIAS ...