Age Difference Between Couple

[Norseman82]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1597208' date='Jul 10 2008, 06:39 PM']He also said that the Church cannot deny the sacrament to a couple that is living together.[/quote]

I have heard of at least one priest teling couples that are shacking up that they need to find separate living arrangements or he won't proceed.

[Noel's angel]

Good idea, but in reality the couple will just end up disliking that priest, probably gossip about him and try to give him a bad name, and then go to a priest who will bend to suit their every wish.
Our parish priest won't allow secular songs played at weddings, for example. Recently a couple wanted the song 'She moved through the fair' (which isn't even a good song for a wedding, but that's beside the point), and he refused so they went to another parish to get married just so they could have that song.

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1598325' date='Jul 11 2008, 10:34 PM']honestly there is no way around the fact that TWENTY YEARS IS A BIG GAP!

I once went out with someone who was about seven years older than I, and sometimes it felt like we had come from different generations. He was done with college and I hadn't even started... it was just too weird. I know successful marriages where the wife was at least ten years younger, but I know that for myself that would not work at all.[/quote]

i agree - i mean, it really depends on teh disposition of the couple, and God knows what we can each handle - He's the one who created the intended spouse anyway, right? i would like to think that i'd be open to someone who's 50 (i'm almost 30), if it were God's plan, but i honestly don't know - like you said, 20 years is a long time. I still stand by my "no" vote for the general question, but personally, i have no idea. i pray to be open to whatever He wills.


[quote name='Norseman82' post='1598548' date='Jul 12 2008, 10:45 AM']A friend of mine married last year - he was 47, and his bride was 30 or 31; neither were maried before. They had their first child earlier this year, 10 months after the wedding.[/quote]

see - that's just cool.


[quote name='Norseman82' post='1598550' date='Jul 12 2008, 10:48 AM']I have heard of at least one priest teling couples that are shacking up that they need to find separate living arrangements or he won't proceed.[/quote]

very cool.

[quote name='Noel's angel' post='1598579' date='Jul 12 2008, 11:49 AM']Good idea, but in reality the couple will just end up disliking that priest, probably gossip about him and try to give him a bad name, and then go to a priest who will bend to suit their every wish.[/quote]

You never know - i am SOO thankful (Praise God!!!) that the priest i went to when i was 19 did not bend, and refused to marry us in the Church (Thank You, Jesus!). His action is one of the reasons why i gave Catholicism an honest look during my post-conversion creed-shopping.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Noel's angel' post='1598579' date='Jul 12 2008, 05:49 PM']Good idea, but in reality the couple will just end up disliking that priest, probably gossip about him and try to give him a bad name, and then go to a priest who will bend to suit their every wish.
Our parish priest won't allow secular songs played at weddings, for example. Recently a couple wanted the song 'She moved through the fair' (which isn't even a good song for a wedding, but that's beside the point), and he refused so they went to another parish to get married just so they could have that song.[/quote]
All for a song?

[Norseman82]

[quote name='XIX' post='1596470' date='Jul 9 2008, 07:13 PM']"Clock watching" is not a good reason to rush into a marriage, IMO.[/quote]

Some people don't have the luxury of time like they did when they were in their 20s.

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1599024' date='Jul 13 2008, 12:27 AM']Some people don't have the luxury of time like they did when they were in their 20s.[/quote]


So that is a reason to rush into things?

[CatherineM]

I don't think we rushed into anything by getting married quickly, but at 43 years old, we had experienced enough life that we definitely knew what we wanted, and were able to make up our minds quicker.

[picchick]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1599673' date='Jul 14 2008, 12:28 AM']I don't think we rushed into anything by getting married quickly, but at 43 years old, we had experienced enough life that we definitely knew what we wanted, and were able to make up our minds quicker.[/quote]


ooooohhhhhh right I can understand that. I thought that he meant find a girl and then marry her because time's a clickin'

[Norseman82]

[quote name='picchick' post='1599685' date='Jul 14 2008, 12:48 AM']ooooohhhhhh right I can understand that. I thought that he meant find a girl and then marry her because time's a clickin'[/quote]

Actually, the "clickin'" comes more from the female half of humanity. But what CatherineM states is true, as you get older, you get more serious and cut through the games and such.

Please spend time in the shoes of people whose "time's a clickin'".

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1599712' date='Jul 14 2008, 01:28 AM']Actually, the "clickin'" comes more from the female half of humanity. But what CatherineM states is true, as you get older, you get more serious and cut through the games and such.

Please spend time in the shoes of people whose "time's a clickin'".[/quote]

Were you insulted by my question or my comment? I never meant it to be insulting. My question was to clarify what you were saying. And my statement was to clarify what I was thinking.

God Bless,
Meg

[Deb]

[quote name='StColette' post='1597107' date='Jul 10 2008, 03:46 PM']Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, but saying such things as a blanket statement could cause slander to someone's reputation and can fall under the sin of gossip. The way you worded your statements made it sound as if all people who marry under those age gap circumstances only have those things in mind. So like I said, we just have to be careful of making statements like that because it can give others the wrong impression of the couple.[/quote]


Excuse me? Cause slander to someone's reputation and fall under the sin of gossip? I was not even referring to any specific people. Like you said, we have to be careful of making statements about other people, especially if we come off like we are making decisions that someone may be sinning by their comments. That could cause scandal and could fall under the sin of judging others.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Deb' post='1599923' date='Jul 14 2008, 12:05 PM']Excuse me? Cause slander to someone's reputation and fall under the sin of gossip? I was not even referring to any specific people. Like you said, we have to be careful of making statements about other people, especially if we come off like we are making decisions that someone may be sinning by their comments. That could cause scandal and could fall under the sin of judging others.[/quote]


I am a little bothered about much older men going after younger women. It doesn't seem fair, not when there are older women who have been waiting for a long time.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1600377' date='Jul 15 2008, 12:07 PM']I am a little bothered about much older men going after younger women. It doesn't seem fair, not when there are older women who have been waiting for a long time.[/quote]

I guess it all depends on whether the "older woman" still is able to have kids and whether the "older man" has kids or has been married before. As in the case of my friend I mentioned above, maybe he could have married someone his own age, but she may not have been able to have kids, so I can't blame him one bit for marrying someone 16-17 years his junior.

[Noel's angel]

People are talking as if marriage is some sort of work contract. Does no one have a place for love? You fall in love with a person, not with their age.

Older people shouldn't pick other older people because they've been 'waiting a long time' for marriage. They shouldn't marry younger people because they can give them a better chance of having kids.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1600640' date='Jul 15 2008, 05:56 PM']I guess it all depends on whether the "older woman" still is able to have kids and whether the "older man" has kids or has been married before. As in the case of my friend I mentioned above, maybe he could have married someone his own age, but she may not have been able to have kids, so I can't blame him one bit for marrying someone 16-17 years his junior.[/quote]

Then he should have gotten a move on when he was younger.

I don't know the specifics regarding your friend, so I am not judging him personally, but there are many men out there who want to live the swingin' bachelor life until they become, well, old and lonely, and then they decide to marry a young chick and start a family. That just seems irresponsible to me. Many men view a younger women as some sort of prize.

Edited July 16, 2008 by friendofJPII

[Norseman82]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1600736' date='Jul 15 2008, 09:05 PM']Then he should have gotten a move on when he was younger. [/quote]

Is that an offer??

Many do not live the "swinging bachelor life", but instead they are shot down when they did try to "get a move on" when they were younger as you put it, only to be blown off with the same tired lame cliches like "you've got all the time in the world", "God will send you a spouse in His time, not yours, so be patient, and trust in God", "you don't need to be married to be happy", "you need to be filled with God first", yada, yada, etc., etc. Well, guess what? Like idiots they listen to such nonsense, and then they are told they shouldn't have waited so long (and those who are virgins are faulted for wanting to be equally yoked with fellow virgins, to add insult to injury!). Come on people, WAKE UP! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS! The chickens have come to roost, so people had better start dealing with the consequences of jerking people around and playing mind games with them.

I'm sorry, but messing with people's minds like this is the quickest way to provoke people to a deliver a good right cross across the old schnozzola.

Edited July 16, 2008 by Norseman82

[StColette]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1597208' date='Jul 10 2008, 06:39 PM']He also said that the Church cannot deny the sacrament to a couple that is living together. Interesting.[/quote]

I would hate to say that he is wrong on this, but he is wrong here! The Church can deny the sacrament to those who are not fit to receive the sacrament, which includes those who are living together. A priest has every right to protect the sacraments. I heard this from a number of very orthodox Priests and Theology Professors.

[StColette]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1597208' date='Jul 10 2008, 06:39 PM']I'm more concerned about the fact they have only been dating for such a short time. The Sacrament of Mariage is too great a commitment to be entered into with someone you just met,imo.[/quote]

My in laws got engaged a month into dating one another, they've been married 34 yrs lol