A Question For The Girls

[VoTeckam]

So I have found myself in a particualrly tricky situation. I am my best friend's maid of honor for her wedding (set for November). She has mentioned in the past that she wants a Pampered Chef Bridal Shower. She even emailed me this morning to suggest the name of someone who hosts these parties. For those of you who are not familiar with pampered chef (I do not know if they have this itnernationally) these parties are usually hosted at someone's home and the hostess invites friends over to sit through a presentation, eat, and order the products used in the demonstration. In the case of a bridal shower, the bride registers for the gifts she like before hand and the guests order from that list at the party instead of bringing a gift to the shower.

Now tell me if I am crossing a line here... I find this all to be incredibly tacky. Unlike when a bride registers at a store, in this case, the guests will be given a narrow wish list and they will be forced to chose a gift in public. In a store you can look over what the bride has requested and pick something in your price range or even pick something besides what is listed.

Part of me feels like this is what she has asked for so I should honor it. Another part of me doesn't want to put the guests in a bad spot and be known as the MOH that throws tacky bridal showers.

Thoughts???

[hoosieranna]

Tacky. Bridal showers were originally meant to be initiated by friends on the bride's behalf. They were NOT an effort by the bride to get more gifts. You (in general, not you specifically ) go to product parties to buy stuff you want, not what someone else wants. All I can suggest is to talk to her.

[Lilllabettt]

These party type of direct-sale things generaly make for a lot of uncomfortable squirming. That's my feeling anyway. I guess it'd be different if it was really close friends ...

That said, I don't see why the Bride's "Pampered Chef" wishlist should be any more narrow than a traditional gift registry would be. Hopefully she has enough tact to include a wide range of price points on her list.

Do you know if your selection will be really, really public? As in, everyone sits around and watches while you make your chioce? With the traditional gift registry, the Bride would be able to figure out how much you spent anyway. The only thing the traditional registry has going for it in terms of privacy is none of the other guests can tell.

[VoTeckam]

[quote name='Nadezhda' post='1912723' date='Jul 6 2009, 03:36 PM']Tacky. Bridal showers were originally meant to be initiated by friends on the bride's behalf. They were NOT an effort by the bride to get more gifts. You (in general, not you specifically ) go to product parties to buy stuff you want, not what someone else wants. All I can suggest is to talk to her.[/quote]


Here is my alternate idea that I am going to propose to her.... thoughts on this would also be appreciated.

1) Since she loves to cook and will need to set up a kitchen I thought I would suggest that she3register for only kitchen gifts and I will make invitations in a culinary theme.

2) I would set up the church hall in stations (we have GREAT kitchen) where guests would do some of the prep work on our meal (like cooking classes at Sur la Table if you have ever been). I've been to similar parties and had a great time so I think this could work....

3) I would prepare the food while the games are played and the gifts are opened.

4) We eat and get excited for the wedding.

Is this any better?

[VoTeckam]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' post='1912727' date='Jul 6 2009, 03:42 PM']These party type of direct-sale things generaly make for a lot of uncomfortable squirming. That's my feeling anyway. I guess it'd be different if it was really close friends ...

That said, I don't see why the Bride's "Pampered Chef" wishlist should be any more narrow than a traditional gift registry would be. Hopefully she has enough tact to include a wide range of price points on her list.

Do you know if your selection will be really, really public? As in, everyone sits around and watches while you make your chioce? With the traditional gift registry, the Bride would be able to figure out how much you spent anyway. The only thing the traditional registry has going for it in terms of privacy is none of the other guests can tell.[/quote]


I agree that these parties are awkward. I usually refuse invitations to these parties because I dont want to be pressured into buying something I don't want jsut to show my appreciation for the chance to socialize.

The buying won't be "public" but the guests will feel obligated to get something... even if it is something they don't really want to get the bride.

[hoosieranna]

[quote name='VoTeckam' post='1912728' date='Jul 6 2009, 02:43 PM']Here is my alternate idea that I am going to propose to her.... thoughts on this would also be appreciated.

1) Since she loves to cook and will need to set up a kitchen I thought I would suggest that she3register for only kitchen gifts and I will make invitations in a culinary theme.

2) I would set up the church hall in stations (we have GREAT kitchen) where guests would do some of the prep work on our meal (like cooking classes at Sur la Table if you have ever been). I've been to similar parties and had a great time so I think this could work....

3) I would prepare the food while the games are played and the gifts are opened.

4) We eat and get excited for the wedding.

Is this any better?[/quote]

It could work, as long as you don't mind doing the food. You might see if you can snare some parishioners into helping, maybe in exchange for leftovers or something (I'm sure you could come up with a better "goody"). We always had what we called the "casserole ladies" and they were willing to help.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='VoTeckam' post='1912728' date='Jul 6 2009, 01:43 PM']Here is my alternate idea that I am going to propose to her.... thoughts on this would also be appreciated.

1) Since she loves to cook and will need to set up a kitchen I thought I would suggest that she3register for only kitchen gifts and I will make invitations in a culinary theme.

2) I would set up the church hall in stations (we have GREAT kitchen) where guests would do some of the prep work on our meal (like cooking classes at Sur la Table if you have ever been). I've been to similar parties and had a great time so I think this could work....

3) I would prepare the food while the games are played and the gifts are opened.

4) We eat and get excited for the wedding.

Is this any better?[/quote]
I like that option, personally. I think it sounds cool.

I am a kitchen gadget fanatic, and I think most Pampered Chef stuff is not well made and/or not particularly useful. It's cheap and doesn't last long. If that's how she wants to stock her kitchen, fine, but I personally would recommend that she register for real kitchen stuff from reputable manufacturers. There is a reason pampered chef is not sold in stores.

If she wants to host a pampered chef show, tell her she should do it 6 months after her wedding. None of the stuff is so expensive that she shouldn't be able to budget for it. She should register now for more sturdy, long-term items that will be staples in her kitchen: A great knife set, a sturdy mixer, good pans and pots, etc. The stuff that would typically be out of her price range.

You can totally have the theme be kitchen tools, and suggest that guests buy off her kitchen registry. She might consider registering at Macy's or Williams Sonoma or something like that. If guests know one another, they'll probably be willing to go in together for larger items.

[Sojourner]

I realize I sound like a total snob there, but I spent a long time using awful kitchen stuff, and now have good stuff. It is like a whole new world has opened. If she likes to cook, good stuff will make a gigantic difference. And wedding guests want to support a new couple by preparing them well for the future. Good tools for the kitchen are a wonderful investment.

[jmjtina]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1912757' date='Jul 6 2009, 02:30 PM']I realize I sound like a total snob there, but I spent a long time using awful kitchen stuff, and now have good stuff. It is like a whole new world has opened. If she likes to cook, good stuff will make a gigantic difference. And wedding guests want to support a new couple by preparing them well for the future. Good tools for the kitchen are a wonderful investment.[/quote]


No, I agree. Use good tools and they make a world of difference.

[VoTeckam]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1912757' date='Jul 6 2009, 04:30 PM']I realize I sound like a total snob there, but I spent a long time using awful kitchen stuff, and now have good stuff. It is like a whole new world has opened. If she likes to cook, good stuff will make a gigantic difference. And wedding guests want to support a new couple by preparing them well for the future. Good tools for the kitchen are a wonderful investment.[/quote]


I am in complete agreement! It is one thing to pay less for something knowing it is of a low quality but pampered chef costs a lot of money AND is poor quality. I prefer to spend more money on something i know I will still be usuing 15 years from now.

[whatsup]

My cousin registered someplace REALLY fancy.

He said, "I don't care if you buy me a spoon. I'd rather have one nice spoon that 5 that bend"

[VoTeckam]

[quote name='whatsup' post='1912787' date='Jul 6 2009, 05:36 PM']My cousin registered someplace REALLY fancy.

He said, "I don't care if you buy me a spoon. I'd rather have one nice spoon that 5 that bend"[/quote]

Now I am curious... just how fancy are these spoons?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Nadezhda' post='1912723' date='Jul 6 2009, 12:36 PM']Tacky. Bridal showers were originally meant to be initiated by friends on the bride's behalf. They were NOT an effort by the bride to get more gifts. You (in general, not you specifically ) go to product parties to buy stuff you want, not what someone else wants. All I can suggest is to talk to her.[/quote]
agreed.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='VoTeckam' post='1912775' date='Jul 6 2009, 02:04 PM']I am in complete agreement! It is one thing to pay less for something knowing it is of a low quality but pampered chef costs a lot of money AND is poor quality. I prefer to spend more money on something i know I will still be usuing 15 years from now.[/quote]
Yes. We got a Kitchenaid stand mixer, which I'm hoping will last us 10-15 years. It cost us $300, but I was replacing hand mixers on average once a year, so in the long run the larger initial investment turns out to be cheaper. We hope.

Aside from the poor quality, I just can't imagine going to a wedding shower where I'm being pressured to buy right there in front of everyone. Wedding showers are meant to be fun, pressure-free celebration of upcoming nuptials.

[quote name='whatsup' post='1912787' date='Jul 6 2009, 02:36 PM']My cousin registered someplace REALLY fancy.

He said, "I don't care if you buy me a spoon. I'd rather have one nice spoon that 5 that bend"[/quote]
I agree! Poor quality materials are frustrating in more than one way.

[Nihil Obstat]

If you're talking about really formal etiquette, the rule is that one *never* expects gifts, and that it's always up to the person to give a gift entirely of their own free will... no exceptions. Then, obviously there's situations where it's more appropriate to give a gift than to not, but it's still at the discretion of the guests, and shouldn't have anything to do with the host saying anything about it.
That's something I learned... somehow. I like etiquette.