Do Husbands Have Special Ear Drums

[Ash Wednesday]

...and how do you get them to listen to you when you ask them to do something, and how do you get them to do it in a timely manner?

And is there ANY way you can get them to clean up after themselves? Because I get really tired of cleaning up after him because he apparently can't do it himself.

[CatherineM]

I made my husband have his ears cleaned at the doctor the other day. They weren't clogged, so the doctor said he'd better start paying better attention. When we got married, I agreed to grow my hair long for him if he would clean up after himself in the bathroom. I actually couldn't care less about the length of my hair, but the bathroom is important to me. I knew from experience that guys have bad aim.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931754' date='Jul 25 2009, 01:22 PM']...and how do you get them to listen to you when you ask them to do something, and how do you get them to do it in a timely manner?

And is there ANY way you can get them to clean up after themselves? Because I get really tired of cleaning up after him because he apparently can't do it himself. [/quote]
+J.M.J.+
No, there's not. and your version of clean and his will probably never match up. what is most important to you that he cleans up? is it his laundry? dishes? wet towel off the bathroom floor? let him know what aggravates you the most to clean up after him, then agree to not nag him as much as the other stuff. case in point, i know my hubby will never clean the bathroom, so i stopped nagging him about it. but, he knows that i absolutely cannot stand having his laundry all over (especially clean laundry that he doesn't put away) so he does his best to make sure it's put away.

btw, when i came home last weekend, he had told me in advance that he had cleaned up the house. so, you know, i'm looking forward to a clean house (swept, vacuumed, laundry done, dishes done). it turns out what he meant by a clean house was that he had picked up almost everything off the floor (except i guess the office and our daughter's room didn't make it onto the radar).

you can imagine my surprise when i still had to do laundry, dishes, vacuum and sweep when i came home to a 'clean' house.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931754' date='Jul 25 2009, 03:22 PM']...and how do you get them to listen to you when you ask them to do something, and how do you get them to do it in a timely manner?

And is there ANY way you can get them to clean up after themselves? Because I get really tired of cleaning up after him because he apparently can't do it himself. [/quote]
We didn't want to tell you. We thought it would spoil your wedding.

[Ash Wednesday]

Ok, I was just wondering. I guess men don't have the same concept of what is "clean" that women do.

The only thing that REALLY bugs me is that he leaves electronics and computer parts out all over the house. It's hard to vaccum when there's little wires, drill bits, nuts and bolts on the floor.

I think what angers me in general is that he suddenly cares about the way the house looks only when someone else is coming over, like when the estate agent lady comes over every so often during the year to make an inspection, or whatever. He shows that kind of sensitivity for other people, but not his own wife.

I guess I'll just have to have houseguests over more often.

[CatherineM]

That's when I get mine to do the most cleaning, when he's having a party. I had his ears checked because he had the cheek to suggest I had been singing off key. He won't make that mistake again.

[Sojourner]

Mine has those same eardrums. I think his groomsmen gave them to him just before he said "I do."

I think what Red said was really good ... let him know what REALLY bothers you and try to live with the rest. I don't mind laundry, but I do hate having to pick up his dirty dishes and empty bottles from ALL OVER THE HOUSE. And I do get a bit peeved that he never offers to clean up dishes after I've cooked a meal. In my family, the person who cooked didn't have to clean up. But I got over that one after he helped once, and I couldn't find things for weeks.

The thing that bugs me more than cleanliness is that he is always late. I am sometimes late but not usually. He is actually never on time. He was late for his birthday dinner earlier this week, and we had guests over.

[cmotherofpirl]

Ladies, men define "clean" as a clear path to the fridge, tv, and bed, AND enough clean dishes so they don't starve. If you want the floor vacuumed you have to define that as part of what you mean as clean. Its actually best to make them a list so you are both clear as to expectations.

My sons have a clear definition of what I consider clean because if they mess up THEY suffer not me.
For your husbands:
IF their laundry doesn't make it to the laundry basket, you don't wash it.
IF you find little electronic parts laying around you bag them and put them in the most inaccessible part of the house.
IF he only worries about guests explain you can explain to him you join ______ club and they will be meeting at your house.
IF he can't deal with dishes leave out only enough dishes for one meal and put the rest away, he can't dirty what he can't find.
IF he is late, lay out his clothes ahead of time and lie about when you are supposed to be somewhere.
Its not your fault, blame his mother for not properly training him, so its up to you to get him on track. And if nothing else works, have a headache everynight because you are SO tired of dealing with his mess. Catch it now before your kids are big because they will copy his behavior every time.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931794' date='Jul 25 2009, 05:24 PM']

Ok, I was just wondering. I guess men don't have the same concept of what is "clean" that women do.[/quote]

Truer words were never spoken. Or typed.

[quote]The only thing that REALLY bugs me is that he leaves electronics and computer parts out all over the house. It's hard to vaccum when there's little wires, drill bits, nuts and bolts on the floor.

I think what angers me in general is that he suddenly cares about the way the house looks only when someone else is coming over, like when the estate agent lady comes over every so often during the year to make an inspection, or whatever. He shows that kind of sensitivity for other people, but not his own wife.

I guess I'll just have to have houseguests over more often. [/quote]

My husband has a bad habit of accumulating a large laundry pile next to our bed. I'll be the first to admit, I have a laundry basket that I leave stuff in and don't put away--but it's IN the basket. He HAS a basket and still throws it on the floor. Then he tells me "If it's over here it means it's clean and I'll wear it again." And when I decide to be super nice and pick it up I notice that several items are, in fact, filthy. He'd pick it up, see it was dirty, throw it in the hamper and then wonder why he didn't have clean laundry.

The real kicker is when he scolds the kids for doing the exact same things he does that I'm always gently reminding him that I don't like him doing. Like leaving his dishes on the table after dinner. I'm not asking him to clean the kitchen for me, but if he'd just throw his plate in the sink it'd make cleaning up just that much easier for me. Our kids put their dishes in the sink more consistently than he does.

[homeschoolmom]

I have to admit, though that HSdad is pretty helpful. He does do laundry and loads the dishwasher... (though when he empties it, I, too have trouble finding things... ) I've even seen him scrub the kitchen floor on hands hand knees. I wish he would refrain from stuffing the atlas under the sofa when he's done looking at it... but yeah, I can live with that. But if he had to recall a conversation we've had...

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1932000' date='Jul 25 2009, 09:13 PM']I have to admit, though that HSdad is pretty helpful. He does do laundry and loads the dishwasher... (though when he empties it, I, too have trouble finding things... ) I've even seen him scrub the kitchen floor on hands hand knees. I wish he would refrain from stuffing the atlas under the sofa when he's done looking at it... but yeah, I can live with that. But if he had to recall a conversation we've had... [/quote]

Matt is the same way about conversations. Sometimes I just stare at him in disbelief because we just talked about whatever he's asking me a few minutes and I detailed the very thing he's asking.

Generally speaking, he's really quite helpful (when I was preg with Xander he took over pretty much everything but laundry and cleaning the bathrooms), and I'm ok with his lesser standard of clean most of the time. There are just a few things which make me shake my head with exasperation. lol

[heavenseeker]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931754' date='Jul 25 2009, 03:22 PM']...and how do you get them to listen to you when you ask them to do something, and how do you get them to do it in a timely manner?

And is there ANY way you can get them to clean up after themselves? Because I get really tired of cleaning up after him because he apparently can't do it himself. [/quote]
its not a husband thing its a man thing in general. trust me im not a husband. oh food almost always works for me.
as for the cleaning up part idk

[Luigi]

Do Husbands Have Special Ear Drums, that tune out their wives?

It's called "selective deafness." Wives suffer from it as much as husbands, parents & children, bosses & employees, teachers & students, etc. It's a two way street for each dyad.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='Luigi' post='1932445' date='Jul 26 2009, 12:40 PM']Do Husbands Have Special Ear Drums, that tune out their wives?

It's called "selective deafness." Wives suffer from it as much as husbands, parents & children, bosses & employees, teachers & students, etc. It's a two way street for each dyad.[/quote]

You're right about that. I seem to have trouble hearing him when he wants me to proof read something.

[VeniteAdoremus]

I'm staying with my mum and stepdad now, and staying with a couple is something I'm entirely unused to (they live in France and my parents separated when I was 4). So it's like a 24/7 mix of National Geographic and the Comedy Channel to me

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931794' date='Jul 25 2009, 09:24 PM']I think what angers me in general is that he suddenly cares about the way the house looks only when someone else is coming over, like when the estate agent lady comes over every so often during the year to make an inspection, or whatever. He shows that kind of sensitivity for other people, but not his own wife.

I guess I'll just have to have houseguests over more often. [/quote]
Growing up, we always knew if we were having company over because my dad suddenly made us help him clean the house.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1931968' date='Jul 26 2009, 12:51 AM']My husband has a bad habit of accumulating a large laundry pile next to our bed. I'll be the first to admit, I have a laundry basket that I leave stuff in and don't put away--but it's IN the basket. He HAS a basket and still throws it on the floor. Then he tells me "If it's over here it means it's clean and I'll wear it again." And when I decide to be super nice and pick it up I notice that several items are, in fact, filthy. He'd pick it up, see it was dirty, throw it in the hamper and then wonder why he didn't have clean laundry.[/quote]
So it's not just my husband that does that. Granted, I've been horrible about putting the clean laundry away lately, and the house looks horrible at the moment. And I don't even try to clean his office, unless I have more time on my hands and he's out of the house. DH is good about helping if I ask, and when I went away for a weekend, he even mopped the kitchen floor and vacuumed and all that without me saying a word. And he's really good about taking care of the cats so I don't have to be around the cat boxes. He figured he might as well do that all the time, whether I'm pregnant or not, and I greatly appreciate it.

I do get irritated if I tell him something and he doesn't remember it. The reason I get irritated is that I know I'm not always the best at communicating, so when I make the effort to tell him something and he doesn't recall it, it grates on me. I have to remember to offer it up when that happens.

[XIX]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1931754' date='Jul 25 2009, 04:22 PM']...and how do you get them to listen to you when you ask them to do something, and how do you get them to do it in a timely manner?

And is there ANY way you can get them to clean up after themselves? Because I get really tired of cleaning up after him because he apparently can't do it himself. [/quote]
soff earplugs?

[Old_Joe]

There's no special ear drums. They just get calloused from all the nagging.

[Ash Wednesday]

I used to make fun of my brother -- I called him "whipped" and a "dog in training" -- now I think, "dang, she was good."

[Winchester]

marg byatrittle cimssisee.

Edited July 27, 2009 by Winchester