Jump to content
Kayte Postle

Kayte Discerns (An Ongoing Journey)

Recommended Posts

BarbaraTherese
On 6/9/2018 at 12:54 PM, Kayte Postle said:

Friends, in my journey I need some prayer right now. I am so frustrated because of my mental illness, especially as of late. I'm having to move soon, and I'm not even sure where I'm going to live in a few weeks. I had to cut my hair very short, because it was falling out due to stress. To say the least my mental state has been shakey lately. I'm having to lay this down at the cross about 100 times a day.

My heart longs for the convent, but I know it's still quite awhile aways, if it is in God's plan for me at all. I see the community I love and long to be there among them, and tonight my heart is sick at the thought that I might never be there. God is good always though, and I know that He is in control and ultimately working for my good, and the good and salvation of the world. He is Lord, and that's enough. Sometimes I have to remind my heart of that fact. So some prayers would be appreciated.

 

I was very sorry indeed to read of your plight and will keep you in daily prayer - I will be praying too for your desire for religious life and that there will be a Joyful outcome for you.

I am inspired by your open hearted honesty and your spiritual state in the midst of suffering and a very heavy cross.  Thank you very much for sharing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kayte Postle
On 6/12/2018 at 7:49 AM, BarbaraTherese said:

I was very sorry indeed to read of your plight and will keep you in daily prayer - I will be praying too for your desire for religious life and that there will be a Joyful outcome for you.

I am inspired by your open hearted honesty and your spiritual state in the midst of suffering and a very heavy cross.  Thank you very much for sharing.

Thank you BarbaraTherese. These kind words from you are really encouraging, and I often come back to them.

Struggling again fam. Mostly, I think, out of impatience. My move ended up going sour, and I had to move back in with my parents for financial reasons. This is a challenge for many reasons, but it also is difficult to continue communicating with a community and planning visits because my parents aren't aware that I'm still discerning. I've told them in the past, and it's gone very poorly. I kept "stopping" my discernment out of a need to make them happy. I've decided to keep it to myself until there is more to tell, and I am further along in the process. I love them dearly, but I cannot make decisions based off of them.

I also recently started a new job, which is going well, thanks be to God. However my heart still longs for the convent, and any time I see a sister (irl or online) I want to cry. I am struggling with impatience, and wanting things to happen on my time. My mantra and song has been "Thy will be done", even though I am terribly poor at living it out as of late. God's got a plan, I just have to see it through by trusting.

There is hope on the horizon. The community I am talking to has agreed to let me come for a visit. They are very busy in the summer with different things, so it will be easier for them if I visit in the fall. This community is willing to see what the Lord has in store, and my medication is not an automatic "no". When I talked with the VD it went splendidly, and sounds like it could be a good fit. I am hopeful, but obviously have a bit of trepidation.

I also ask for you to pray for me and my sin struggles. I've lived a way-ward life before coming to Christ, and certain sinful habits come creeping up to tempt me in times of struggle. I have to cling tightly to my Beloved amidst the storm, He's always there though clinging tightly to me.

Love you all pham, and constantly pray for you!

Edited by Kayte Postle

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sister Leticia
8 hours ago, Kayte Postle said:

I also ask for you to pray for me and my sin struggles. I've lived a way-ward life before coming to Christ, and certain sinful habits come creeping up to tempt me in times of struggle. I have to cling tightly to my Beloved amidst the storm, He's always there though clinging tightly to me.

Dear Kayte

I know this is hard, but try not to focus too much on your shortcomings, and memories of the past. The Enemy loves it when we do that! It makes us become discouraged and we become anxious or over-scrupulous and can begin to doubt the extent of God's love and mercy. It can make us focus on ourselves in an unhealthy, hopeless, self-loathing kind of way, so that we lose sight of God who is gazing at us with infinite tenderness and compassion - with pity not with blame (the title of a book about the spirituality of Julian of Norwich and the Cloud of Unknowing)

And as the author of the Cloud says... "It is not what you are or what you were that God looks on with merciful eyes, but what you long to be"

Sending prayers across the pond!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kayte Postle

Hey pham! So small update, I ended telling my mother that I am still discerning. It was a very heavy and long conversation, but it went much better than I expected, not well but better than I hoped for. I am very close with my mother, and it was eating me up to not be sharing this with her. Ultimately though, she is acting out of concern for me and my health, and all she wants is my ultimate happiness. Although she'd much rather see me married, she's being a lot more supportive and understanding of my possible vocation. I thank God for the work He's doing in her, and in me.

Quick question, how often do you think I should check in with the community I am discerning with? At the latest I am going to email them in early September to plan a visit for the fall, but should I be updating or touching base with them more frequently? (I think the last time I wrote them was in early June).

 

 

Edited by Kayte Postle

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou

I talk to the VD of the community I'm entering almost weekly... But I think probably monthly is a good beginning point. It's a two way street though and they can get in touch too. Though some VDs don't want to come across as if they're pressurising the discerner so it's good for you to reach out to let them know that you're still praying about it and still hoping to come to visit and still feeling that attraction. It's also helpful if they know what else you're up in the summer to help them get to know you! So if you're working a bit or going on vacation (!), just tell them, adding on that you'd like to visit in fall if that suits. Equally asking them for book recommendations to learn more about their community or Order is a wise option too :) 

Glad your talk with your mom went well. I have a similar situation so I empathise. Keep praying for her, these things are never as bad as they seem at first, God has a hand. All will be well. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheresaThoma

As far as communication I found every month or so it was good to touch base with the VD. Asking for book recommendations is always good and then share what you thought was interesting or challenging from the book.

I know that when I would be getting ready for a visit I would email more frequently but that was more due to working out details (dates, what to bring, when to arrive etc). Prayers for you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×