Writing Love Letters To Your Future Spouse

[PhuturePriest]

Has anyone else done this? I started yesterday and have written two letters so far, and I love it. I honestly can't get enough of it. The idea is that you write these letters, and on your wedding night you show them to your then wife/husband. I like it because it makes me feel close to my future spouse, and it makes me love her even more.

Edited February 6, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[Nihil Obstat]

Assuming one does not yet know their future spouse, I would be a bit leery. Seems like it might have the potential to reinforce the mistake of creating an 'ideal; person in your head, that you think your future spouse would be like. That leads to an unrealistic person that no real person could ever measure up to. Maladjusted people end up being angry at the real people for not measuring up to the person that exists only in their head.

That is just my take though.

[Nihil Obstat]

Double. Forum software is going crazy again.

Edited February 6, 2013 by Nihil Obstat

[PhuturePriest]

Assuming one does not yet know their future spouse, I would be a bit leery. Seems like it might have the potential to reinforce the mistake of creating an 'ideal; person in your head, that you think your future spouse would be like. That leads to an unrealistic person that no real person could ever measure up to. Maladjusted people end up being angry at the real people for not measuring up to the person that exists only in their head.

That is just my take though.

 

You don't set up characteristics for your future spouse at all. That would be ridiculous. You can write whatever you want, but generally what people do is they write to their future spouse whenever they have a temptation. "It was really hard to stay pure today, but I did out of love for you." That sort of thing.

[GeorgiiMichael]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[PhuturePriest]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Again, read the post above yours.

[sixpence]

it sounds ok if it helps you, but i would be a little weirded out if i was given letters written to "me" before a guy knew me lol

but yeh just keep in mind what they said too

[GeorgiiMichael]

Again, read the post above yours.

 

I read it. I disagree with the point you made. As someone who has been in the dating game longer than you, FP, trust me on this one, you are going to have a hard time not falling into what Nihil describes. And in the sake of avoiding the near occasion of sin...

[Nihil Obstat]

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

[Winchester]

I think it's smarmy.

[PhuturePriest]

I read it. I disagree with the point you made. As someone who has been in the dating game longer than you, FP, trust me on this one, you are going to have a hard time not falling into what Nihil describes. And in the sake of avoiding the near occasion of sin...

 

My characteristic for my future wife is that she loves me. Every girl I've told about this says it's a wonderful idea and that they would love it if their husband did it for them, so I'm going to take their advice.

 

And I'm not sure what you mean by that. When I think of my future wife, any "temptations" I may have had are gone. If I love my future wife, I won't give into temptations. I do school more efficiently because I remember her, and I also remember to work on being a better person because of her.

 

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

 

I have prayed for her every day for a very long time. I see no harm in writing letters that she will one day read. It's like when parents do those stupid videos on their child's first birthday. They're not making a characteristic, they're just making a video that their child can one day watch to let the child know they love and care for him.

[PhuturePriest]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

 

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

 

Watch the video:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW8nDjVGL3E

[Winchester]

Jason Evert will be so whipped, it won't even be funny.

[GeorgiiMichael]

Oh, it worked for one person, then you must do it. My apologies. How can you ever forgive me? Mea culpa, mea culpa!

 

/sarcasm

[PhuturePriest]

Oh, it worked for one person, then you must do it. My apologies. How can you ever forgive me? Mea culpa, mea culpa!

 

/sarcasm

 

Dude, what the flip-floppity is your problem? What I write to my future wife is my beaver dam business. I want to do this for my wife. I feel like I should. I feel like she will appreciate it. I don't give a beaver dam if you do because, news flash: You're not my future wife. I don't care if you appreciate it or not.

[sixpence]

My characteristic for my future wife is that she loves me. Every girl I've told about this says it's a wonderful idea and that they would love it if their husband did it for them, so I'm going to take their advice.

 

* suddenly identity crisis *

[iheartjp2]

It's a cool idea on paper, but in reality, I think it would only have the effect you would want if...

 

1) your future spouse is into that kind of thing.

 

2) your future spouse is the first person you ever start courting/dating/whatevs. 

 

Even if both those criteria are met, you would have to work very hard not to change yourself into what you may think is ideal only to become unhappy yourself and to be with someone who doesn't make you happy at all (not exactly the point of marriage, but in this age, that's pretty much how the world works). If you are writing to this nebulous idea of a person with no characteristics other than that she/he is your future spouse, it would follow that the only things you could write would really be about you, or rather, not even really about you but a projection of someone you want to be to your future spouse. I mean, people act differently around the people they admire (especially in a romantic way) anyway. What's to stop you from doing it in a letter? Instead of creating an ideal spouse, you may be changing yourself into something that you think is an ideal spouse while someone perfect for you may have fallen head-over-heels for you if you had just developed as a person more organically. Moreover, the person you put in your letter may not even be the person your future spouse grew to know for however long you've known each other. If I were to correspond with someone I don't even know, essentially doesn't even exist (what if I never get married?) for God knows how long, finally meet them, and then form a whole different relationship with them on top of that (you know, since this nebulous, hypothetical quasi person is now actually real and in my life), the letters and the real relationship might not even touch each other. 

 

With something like this, at the end of it all, the only real benefit is the thought. It's a very great thought, don't get me wrong, but it may not be the best way to go about it. Cute doesn't equal ideal. 

Edited February 7, 2013 by iheartjp2

[PhuturePriest]

* suddenly identity crisis *

 

I'm aware you are a girl. But I never spoke to you about it, therefore you are not in the list of girls I have spoke to about it. You are the only girl not to find it romantic and sweet. I like those odds. The guys don't like it, but seeing as how I am not marrying a man, I don't think it's a problem if guys don't like it.

[MissyP89]

Dude, what the flip-floppity is your problem? What I write to my future wife is my beaver dam business. I want to do this for my wife. I feel like I should. I feel like she will appreciate it. I don't give a beaver dam if you do because, news flash: You're not my future wife. I don't care if you appreciate it or not.

 

Take a deep breath, sweetie. 

[PhuturePriest]

Take a deep breath, sweetie. 

 

I don't see what the problem is. Why is he making it his problem if I do this? I asked for an opinion. He gave it. I disagreed. I don't see what the snide remarks were for.