Guest Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 DISABILITY PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY HARD LOVE I know two people severely disabled (I am too of course). One has hearing disability, with the other it is speech. Both feel it is up to the other to understand them in communications, not up to them to make themselves understood with reasonably available means, which might facilitate the other to understand them better, making communication easier. With the profound hearing impairment, there is a refusal to have a cochlea implant not due to any surgery involved nor due to the cost, nor to carry around pen and paper. With the speech impairment, a refusal to use any sort of voice prosthesis or carry around pen and paper in a bag or similar. The underlying attitude with both the above is "I have a disability and understanding me is not my problem. Understanding me is the other's responsibility." Rather I think that it is the problem of the disabled in hearing or speech, in this example, to use whatever reasonable means available to make communicating easier for both parties. The same, of course, could apply to other disabilities. My problem in suffering bipolar disorder has been a different sort of experience, in that during an episode of the illness, my profound disability becomes in the mind itself, and therefore communicating what is in my mind. I had the dreadful experience a few months ago of the most severe and longest lasting bipolar episode I have ever had in my total history of 47 years (bipolar onset at 28 years of age). During that episode I was trying to communicate what I was experiencing, but was cut off by "Oh I understand all about bipolar". No one can, because there are differences on a spectrum between one sufferer's experience and another, from sufferer to sufferer. That might apply with all types of mental illness. I did get quite angry back then, because a person who was supposedly helping me, was coming from presuppositions or concepts in her mind, rather than listening - and hearing - the problems I was experiencing. That was a rational reason. What was irrational was the level of my anger and argumentativeness in the context of the problem. Nor had I expressed my anger in a normal way for me. I was downright furious! It just was not me normally (normal for me anyway meaning "the most common" way I express anger) - the tone, the level of anger was overly emotive. Since that severe episode a few months ago, I have been really struggling to find my feet again without much success at all - just pockets of success only here and there. Two days ago, I had a person visit who does have a disability, but refuses to use her own resources, rather was coming to me for my help. I was readily giving her that help in the past. However, with me having a real struggle with my own mental health, I thought it was time to set her straight. I told her I could not help her any more because I too was struggling. She had told me months ago that she could not operate her new air conditioner. I advised her then to contact her coordinator with her age care package provider, who had organized purchase and installation, as I knew nothing at all about split system air conditioners. Yesterday was 40 degrees. She came over the day before because she could not operate her air conditioner to cool. I asked her if she had spoken with her coordinator re her AC operation and she had not. I refused to help her out and she had to use her own resources, she has a few which override her own disability. However, because the next day would be 40 degrees, I made the necessary phone call so she could get help hopefully next day on the Friday of 40C and before the weekend of more heat. But I reiterated to her that in future she had to use her own resources and not rely on me. Did I feel good about it? No, I did not feel good about it but reasoned that my negative type guilty feeling was irrational guilt. I call feelings windmills, because feelings really will shift in the slightest breeze. Not only that, there really is justified guilt and also irrational guilt. Knowing one has irrational guilt may or may not alter the guilty feeling. If irrational guilt persists, it becomes a feeling one has to work with - not against so much in my experience, rather work with it until one is feeling a more rational type of feeling. How do we work with unjustified negative feelings, I could not offer advice to anyone. My particular way is to keep reasoning with myself why my guilt is just not rational. Sometimes it is only a short time - at other times it is a much longer time before my feeling level changes to the rational. I had a dreadful day yesterday with my own mind added to it irrational guilt. This morning, when I woke, the dark black cloud descended again. I decided to have a coffee and a cigarette and see how I was in a couple of hours when I was fully awake and fully functional. I have nasty hangovers from last nights pain and psychiatric medications. A couple of hours later the blackness had dissipated and I was heaps better. Heaps better - and to be truthful, thankful to The Lord I would not be upset by her visits again for help. Where one has a real or imagined disability, it really is up to oneself to do whatever one might be reasonably able, rather than lean totally on another person. In another thread here on Phatmass, someone brought up the subject that love is not a wishy washy, try to be kind, type of action. It isn't of course, and there is such a thing as hard love. My experience with the lady and her air conditioner is an example of hard love i.e. forcing her to use her own resources, which she certainly does have but will not utilize. Not because she can't, but because she won't. In reflecting on the relationship between Jesus and the Pharisees - and the nasty names he called them, I think Jesus was trying to wake them up to themselves using hard love. I don't think he was expressing any sort of dislike for them and so called them nasty names. He may not have liked them, of course, because He calls us to love of very real necessity, not to like necessarily. And Jesus has not walked any road at any time to which He has not called us all if necessary. He walks with us "I am The Way, The Truth and The Life." Is there anything wrong in meditating on what Jesus might have done in a situation and try to apply it to one's own situation. No, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it - in fact it is a very wise move indeed. "Take up your cross and follow Me." That brings me to Love and like, which are two other subjects. It also brings me to following Jesus in the face of criticism - even severe criticism. Also hard love. I can only hope I will not leave the above subjects hanging. But hope and achievement can be two different matters ..................with me, that is. I am so very very very hesitant about hitting "Submit Reply" because we loose our edit facility so quickly. But "he who hesitates is lost" - I know that from hard experience. I can write a post and then loose it altogether due to procrastination. Once I loose a post, that is it for me. I wont attempt it again. I mutter to myself "not meant to be" and move on peacefully and without hesitation. Gift of a bipolar mind, I think, which can jump from subject to subject in complete ease.
cruciatacara Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 (edited) I think you might be misunderstanding some reasons that people with a disability make their choices, something you should relate to because, as you said, people often tell you they know all about bipolar when they can't possibly know it from your perspective. I have worked with the Deaf community and although I might disagree with some of their choices, it is fully within their rights to make them. One of these choices is not to have a cochlear implant. They sometimes make this choice for their children as well, which does seem to be harsh to me, but which is something they sometimes feel very strongly about. Deafness to them is not just a disability, in fact to some of them it is not a disability at all. They say that there is a 'Deaf culture and language' and that this needs to be respected. At the same time, many of them receive disability payments or other advantages from the government. So I used to wonder, disability or not? But that doesn't mean that they don't have a right to make the choice to refuse treatments that they think will take away from their identity as part of the Deaf Community. We don't always have to agree with people to allow them choices that affect their own lives. The children is a contentious issue I agree, but as long as they are living in a Deaf family and part of a Deaf Community, then the parents need to be the ones to call the shots. Not everyone with a disability is the same or has the same level of coping that another might. You appear to be very strong and to be able to work with your MI in a positive way, relying on your faith to do so. That doesn't mean that everyone is as capable of taking care of themselves and accepting responsibility as you are, even if they appear to be strong. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees and Scribes but not with the disabled. My sister is disabled with a condition that cause chronic pain. She has a disability sticker for her car, but she says sometimes she wonders if people look at her and think 'she's not disabled, she can walk'. But she knows that the pain can hit her at any moment, and for hours or days, and that she needs to park close to the shops. I sometimes get impatient with her too because I think 'why can't she just cope with it and do such and such' but then I remember that she is the one in chronic pain, not me. So while I might be able to cope with it, for her, it can be impossible at times. I would say about your neighbour that she probably needs a higher level of care than she is getting, but unfortunately she has chosen you as her helper, someone who also struggles with problems. Perhaps don't judge her so harshly but feel compassion for her inability to be responsible for her own disability. Calling for help for her was good thing to do. Hopefully she will get more help in the future from agencies or others that can provide it. Guilt isn't really appropriate in this situation because you did what you could do. That's all that is really required of a person, that they do what they can to help others. Your own limitations have to be taken into consideration. So yes, let her find other help if she can, but perhaps just keep a phone number near by to let someone else know that she needs help and you can't provide it. We are our brother's (and sister's) keeper but it isn't specified how that has to be done. Until we walk in the moccasins of another person, we can't really know anything about how much personal responsibility they are able to bear. So we should probably err on the side of compassion if at all possible, at least in our thoughts. Edited November 28, 2020 by cruciatacara *Edited to replace word that was changed automatically.
Guest Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 unday 1 hour ago, cruciatacara said: I think you might be misunderstanding some reasons that people with a disability make their choices, something you should relate to because, as you said, people often tell you they know all about bipolar when they can't possibly know it from your perspective. I have worked with the Deaf community and although I might disagree with some of their choices, it is fully within their rights to make them. One of these choices is not to have a cochlear implant. They sometimes make this choice for their children as well, which does seem to be harsh to me, but which is something they sometimes feel very strongly about. Deafness to them is not just a disability, in fact to some of them it is not a disability at all. They say that there is a 'Deaf culture and language' and that this needs to be respected. At the same time, many of them receive disability payments or other advantages from the government. So I used to wonder, disability or not? But that doesn't mean that they don't have a right to make the choice to refuse treatments that they think will take away from their identity as part of the Deaf Community. We don't always have to agree with people to allow them choices that affect their own lives. The children is a contentious issue I agree, but as long as they are living in a Deaf family and part of a Deaf Community, then the parents need to be the ones to call the shots. Not everyone with a disability is the same or has the same level of coping that another might. You appear to be very strong and to be able to work with your MI in a positive way, relying on your faith to do so. That doesn't mean that everyone is as capable of taking care of themselves and accepting responsibility as you are, even if they appear to be strong. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees and Scribes but not with the disabled. My sister is disabled with a condition that cause chronic pain. She has a disability sticker for her car, but she says sometimes she wonders if people look at her and think 'she's not disabled, she can walk'. But she knows that the pain can hit her at any moment, and for hours or days, and that she needs to park close to the shops. I sometimes get impatient with her too because I think 'why can't she just smell of elderberries it up and do such and such' but then I remember that she is the one in chronic pain, not me. So while I might be able to smell of elderberries it up, for her, it can be impossible at times. I would say about your neighbour that she probably needs a higher level of care than she is getting, but unfortunately she has chosen you as her helper, someone who also struggles with problems. Perhaps don't judge her so harshly but feel compassion for her inability to be responsible for her own disability. Calling for help for her was good thing to do. Hopefully she will get more help in the future from agencies or others that can provide it. Guilt isn't really appropriate in this situation because you did what you could do. That's all that is really required of a person, that they do what they can to help others. Your own limitations have to be taken into consideration. So yes, let her find other help if she can, but perhaps just keep a phone number near by to let someone else know that she needs help and you can't provide it. We are our brother's (and sister's) keeper but it isn't specified how that has to be done. Until we walk in the moccasins of another person, we can't really know anything about how much personal responsibility they are able to bear. So we should probably err on the side of compassion if at all possible, at least in our thoughts. Good to hear another person's opinion and think about it...... with a prayer, which of course is not necessarily to adopt that other's thinking. I was not going to say any more, but here I go, after a bit of thought and prayer : I have known the two people I have mentioned for many years now. Compassion is a big word. To ask for help from someone who is struggling too and the person who came for help re the AC knew it, might mean that the time has come when compassion means to point out to them where they can adopt responsibility and action for their own difficulties and that they cannot rely on me all the time to be a helper. Of course, I feel for them in their own problems. I have her phone number and went to visit her when the extremely hard lockdown due to Covid in South Australia was first brought down only a few days ago, just to check she was ok and knew about the lockdown. They are more than welcome (and I have said this to them) to visit for coffee. But they cannot rely on me all the time to be able to help in an active sort of way. It is not that I do not feel for their suffering at all, but to structure their lives around my help because I do indeed feel for them, when they have other avenues available, is not the way to go with me in my position now, not the best way for sure for them! This position has not been evident previously after more than 12 years without a bipolar episode. Now I am aware that bipolar can strike suddenly, but with fierce severity I never even remotely imagined. I visually hallucinated in a very frightening way - I was terrified by what I saw of social consequences. I have never ever had that experience in my 47 years with bipolar disorder. Those images will not leave me to date. I was almost 6 weeks or even more in hospital. I am still trying to find my feet and only finding them now and then. I am hoping that utilizing her own abilities will give her a sense of self esteem and confidence. But will it, I can only hope....with a prayer. In my book, I would not be fair to them in any other way. Compassion is a function of loving the other, and yes there is such a thing as hard love. Look at the harsh things Jesus had to say to others at times. And He Was and Is Perfect Love. Not that that is any reason nor excuse to say harsh things to others and such was not my reason. One might need to do something seemingly harsh in order to be truly helpful. There is a vast difference between being disabled and thinking that a disability is another person's problem, not their own responsibility, when they could utilize their own abilities; alternatively, having some other rationale. I have given both of them all the details they need to make contact with professional help. Of course, I stay in contact with them and will do so in the future. I do not feel guilty nor in the wrong about the decision I made and carried through. Not in the least. It is not as if my advice was out of her reach in any unreasonable manner, not in the least. If I begin to feel I was somehow in the wrong, then with Grace, I would hope I would repent and try to discern where I went wrong, how my wrong decision came about; make a resolution for the future. Insofar as I am concerned now, a person with a disability, if able, should utilize their own ability or abilities - in my book it is a kindness to facilitate this. I worked in the past voluntary with sufferers of Down Syndrome (in the office) and it was amazing to see where they started and the independence many, in fact, did achieve with activating their abilities. We even had one young lady sufferer helping out very successfully in the office. With the woman and the AC, it is not as if I had not advised her previously on how to utilize her abilities in her own case and yes, in a very gentle manner and tone. It is not as if she did not know I was not long out of hospital myself. It is not can't with her for some reason, it is won't. I have had long experience, years, of it. I had been carrying her and due to my long years with no bipolar episode, I thought I was in a position to do so if she needed me. Am I unfeeling? Well if the other person judges me that way "Man sees outward appearances, but The Lord knows the heart" (Book of Samuel Chapter 16) He alone knows my thoughts and feelings and where I am coming from always. That is more than sufficient for me both in anything that might be good and in anything to the contrary. That is far more than enough for me. In fact, I have long said "I rejoice that The Lord will be my Judge and not my fellow human beings". Right now, the asking is that I concentrate on my own needs to spare others the need, and inconvenience, of carrying me to some degree or other. I am in contact with my GP, psychiatrist, my Age Care Package Provider as well as Elderly Mental Health. Utilizing my supports, as best I might be able, through a difficult stage just now. The problem for them is that with Covid and increasing related mental health problems in the general community, they are rushed off their feet almost with demands. I do try to stay cognizant of that too. In our general community, not only is mental illness on the increase, violent crime is also. Are they related? I don't know for a fact. I have been told by the professionals that I have good insight into my own brand of bipolar disorder. After 47 years journeying, without human support of any kind for 20 years, I would rather hope it might be so. Mental health professionals back then were no support either since they regarded my Faith as a pathology they had to cure. They did cure themselves of that, but it took years. As my serious episodes were winding down, becoming less frequent. Public mental health professionals in a mental health ward where I was usually hospitalized would allow me to walk the kilometre or so walk to weekday and Sunday Mass if they thought I was well enough. The mental health professionals had become aware of the human pressures around me in my general community environment with false concepts about mental illness and stereotypes i.e. no support at all nor encouragement to me, rather the opposite. It was not my Faith. Quote "Separated from love, light, generosity, hope, patience, courage, and determination, compassion becomes nothing more than a code word whose real name is expediency." "Expediency in disguise - Whereas chastity is the contemporary worlds most unpopular virtue, compassion is clearly its favorite. It has become a cultural imperative that we have compassion for others. Compassions popularity, unfortunately, is so great that it tends to isolate this virtue from all those other factors it needs in order to remain truly a virtue." https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/culture/catholic-contributions/the-virtue-of-compassion.html Incidentally, that young lady that helped out in the office of Down Syndrome, eventually secured a position in the general community. She also began to be able to live independently with minimum support. Down Syndrome had established individual units with a live in helper. Back yards were connected by a gate. They were incredibly beautiful, courageous, loving people. Some had major problems indeed. Again, on a spectrum.
Guest Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 _____________________ Just in case somebody gets it wrong. The lady with the AC problem neither lacks confidence nor esteem. She certainly can be assertive and has been so at times with me and with confidence and sense of her own esteem and value as a person and ability to assert herself. I have seen her with other close friends. For some reason, she refuses to exercise those qualities re her problems and the help she does have around her, professional type help. Perhaps she has some deep seated fear I am unaware of. Possibly, but I cannot make decisions based on what my imagination tells me I might not be aware of at the time. I need to act on what I do know, not due to an habitual state of mind or similar - rather due to the situation I found myself having to deal with personally at this time. The overall situation, the context. If she does not visit me again, in due course I will go to see her and try to talk out the situation from my perspective, keeping an open mind to hers and not be defensive in hope. First, I will feel out what the situation with her might now be. I need to have confidence too, however, that I am dealing successfully with my own current problems. I need to juggle two sets of problems and mine just now can go in either direction. I might be ok, or I could trigger another episode. She has had her provider's workers call on her a few times today - and most every day in fact. I am grateful, I have been triggered to consider potentials and/or necessary action beyond today - a way forward.
Guest Posted November 28, 2020 Posted November 28, 2020 (edited) I think we just might be in for a storm here. The sky has gone very grey and the wind has flared up. Nothing new in South Aussie for the forecasters to get it wrong - it is a bit of standing joke with us. It does remind me of what Jesus said "You know how to analyze the appearance of the earth and the sky, but how is it that you do not know how to analyze this present time?" (Luke Chapter 12). That reminds me of something I wrote in a poem "and $3.70 Oxazepam can keep on keeping me from their crypt". I haven't needed even a half today, all day - Deo Gratius. Although weather here in South Australia especially during spring can change very quickly. Not the only thing that can change very quickly. No idea how this posted! I better bring in the washing I think! At last, and thankfully, I have finally stumbled over how to paste images. Edited November 28, 2020 by BarbaraTherese
Guest Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 Last few lines of my poem written in 2006: Quote living inside these maddening chosen polarities and barriers . . . I guess one's not supposed to care . . . not really . . . breaking rules creating discomfort . . . too long epitaphs . . . messy breakdown . . . come some straw . . . . . . Daniel's vision by the water . . . weighted by the numbers a vision and a holocaust and all those quite distasteful things – hallucinations? Perhaps Or not - and $3.70 Oxazepam keeps on keeping me from their crypt . . . I wish I could rest and see the end but I fear that it will just begin again cast the millstone then, and let it be! The above has a bit of a history as all things do. My contact in the ACBC (Australian Catholic Bishops Conference) rang and asked me to write a good news story re mental illness for the newsletter they were going to publish. I pointed out that not all stories among the mentally ill were good news. The reply was that they only wanted good news stories as bad news stories might discourage the parishes. I really flinched at that! They also asked for a bit of a biography. My son was here and said that a biography has to have a picture. He was a photographer with public media back then. He took a picture and I attached it to the biography sending it and the story I had written to the ACBC. I had not written a good news story. Quite a long time after, I received an invitation to a book launch in Canberra "Good News Stories". I wrote back that since they had forgotten to include my return air fare, prepaid accommodation with expenses money, I would not be able to attend. I didn't receive a reply and did not expect one. What I have copied from my poem in the quotation box above at the beginning of this post is the ending to the story I had sent. The last part of that story lapses into poetry. I had not written the story about my own history, rather combining a number of sufferers I knew and their stories into the one character. It was a fictional story rooted in facts. It is what I call as genre: fictional fact. What really took me right aback was when my contact rang me and gave me the link to my biography and story. I nearly fainted. I had thought their newsletter would arrive as all did back then i.e. in the surface mail. I had included in my biography my personal details! I had taken no steps whatsoever to keep my personal details private, since they were known anyway. But published on the internet is another matter entirely. they did send me a copy of the book - FOC! I had a flick through it, but my story was not in the book. It was definitely not good news re sufferers of mental illness sufferers and The Church. But the ACBC had published it on the net with their title in the link. At the same time as I was asked by the ACBC for the story, my creative writing teacher had included in my final assignment that I had to have something I had written published. I decided to kill two birds with the one stone. Wanting to include my own story somehow into the overall, I decided that the last part would be poetry, where I knew how to write part of my own story (and more of other's stories) disguised.
Guest Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 A poem I wrote in 2005. I thought I had it somewhere. A lot of what I have written is on stored previous computers. Sorry for the spacing in what follows. I have copied and pasted it from Word. It is an incredibly beautiful Sunday here. I am torn between doing what really needs to be done and writing. Another poem: "merely a creative urge that none can still ... and passion would have its fill as passion often will". WHO AM I? But for fortune some twists of fate? Not so but for the past unasked and unperturbed I am the sum of my experience of calm, of sun some rough high seas perhaps some certain unasked gifts earned elsewhere I am but a windmill shifting in the slightest breeze South or east then north or west words, thoughts, not here nor of fixed abode who spoke yesterday from thought then thought travels elsewhere I am but a tapestry, once ended put aside Soon enough forgotten When the earth takes care of me Perhaps today Or then tomorrow I am a charity of constant donations And ever in need To some catharsis To some disease To some a flower To some but a weed I am your friend Or else your chosen enemy I am the windmill Constantly turning in life’s breeze Soon asleep And then will die Perhaps life is but a dream And death awakens me Who am I? I am dirty and drunk in your gutter I am unshaven and begging butts I live one road over I am adulteress and picking up every deadly stone Just to pass the time I am drugged to create any sort of justly needed heaven Or justly mad to escape the croutons and endless hell I am lowered into any grave at all in time and space accused, earthquake, flood, war, famine or disease – Convict me anyway and I will justify it My only gift or non-possessing I am sneered and judged useless I sit next to you on any bus And in every journey A creature of The Creator Of Life’s endless dance The vast variety Perhaps I am just a victim and yet I am source of all than I can And will ever be I am just another human being And I am only me But who are all the others mercenary Meretricious mellifluous Or untarnished and inculpable All mendicants just like me Produce of some conceivably disparate paradigm Called to flower where planted Called to holiness ever elusive I am only me planted everywhere Just pictures in my mind Formed by words BarbTh Parawest Adult Campus – Elizabeth South Australia Copyright protected 16.6.05 _______________ Edit: "croutons" in the above should read "c rap"
Guest Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 "I SAID THE DONKEY" I have just read Sr. Christina's post "I Said The Donkey" - here: https://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/140361-thoughts-from-a-franciscan-sister/?do=findComment&comment=2819893 it was a very funny post. It reminded me of the time I had taken my two sons to a televised participation play in the Adelaide Children's Festival of Arts, which I think sadly no longer exists. We all got ready and I made sure my hair and makeup were OK. I wore a long hostess skirt with a nice top. When we got to the TV studio, the children were all given parts and to my dismay, I was given a part too. My part was to play a lion crawling around the stage roaring - in long hostess skirt............and it was televised. In religious life with a vow of obedience, one could be assigned a task or tasks one would rather not have to do. In religious life, the aim is to not only complete such tasks, but to do so lovingly and all that entails - that often means change and radical type change, to work on a level deeper than one's exterior . Read Sister's post and she illustrates that change (or metanoia***) of attitude. In marriage with children especially but not only, or even the single state, one could also be called upon to do some task or tasks which is distasteful and one would rather not. Religious life can show us the way or path to perfection (religious life is the state of perfection). Very often that way or path is highlighted in Sr Christina's regular post in to Phatmass. It is never a long post, quite short, and it links to the Franciscan blog and a short entry. Check it out. Sr. Christina cares for the elderly and has asked prayer _________________________________ ***Metanoia (literal and religious meaning) : http://wordsmith.org/words/metanoia.html
Guest Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 30th November FEAST OF ST ANDREW THE APOSTLE I have most always had something of a devotion to the apostles. In our day especially with the emphasis on evangelisation, I think that devotion to the apostles can be particularly important and I am trying to work on my devotion to them. They must be excellent intercessors for us in our own evangelisation efforts. I have long regarded The Holy Spirit and Our Lady as the most powerful of all intercessors - and all the saints and apostles would gladly sort of stand aside for them - of which I am totally confident. They would gladly pray for us with them.
Guest Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 Just did a bit more reading on St Andrew. Andrew was sentenced to death by crucifixion in the city of Patras. Andrew was to be crucified on a cross, but he requested an X-shaped one as he felt unworthy to die on an upright one like Jesus did. ... Saint Andrew was crucified on November 30, 60AD Here is a particularly informative page: How and where did St Andrew die? Scotland’s patron saint suffered a grim end Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/30/how-and-where-did-st-andrew-die-scotlands-patron-saint-suffered-a-grim-end-819471 Mass Readings (First Reading and The Gospel) for today: https://universalis.com/mass.htm I never get to the Office of Readings nowadays, but I do try to read the Second Reading in the Office of Readings - I most always do find the Second Reading particularly rewarding: Second Reading - A sermon of St John Chrysostom on St John's gospel We have found the Messiah https://universalis.com/readings.htm (scroll down to the Second Reading)
Guest Posted December 1, 2020 Posted December 1, 2020 Feast of St Charles de Foucauld - December 1, 2020 What is agape? Catholic Education website."Agape, The Key to God's Presence" Excerpt: "Jesus said that the greatest of all the Old Testament prophets was John the Baptist (Luke 7:28). Therefore John must have prophesied with agape, yet his style was harsh rather than kind. Agape calls for kindness on some occasions, harshness on others. It was Jesus' agape for the Pharisees that made Him harsh to them. It was shock therapy, which they needed."
Guest Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 Feast of St Charles de Foucauld - December 1, 2020 What is agape? Catholic Education website."Agape, The Key to God's Presence" Excerpt: "Jesus said that the greatest of all the Old Testament prophets was John the Baptist (Luke 7:28). Therefore John must have prophesied with agape, yet his style was harsh rather than kind. Agape calls for kindness on some occasions, harshness on others. It was Jesus' agape for the Pharisees that made Him harsh to them. It was shock therapy, which they needed."
Guest Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 "St. Pio of Pietrelcina and Five Tips for Making Suffering Redemptive" HERE “The life and mission of Padre Pio prove that difficulties and sorrows, if accepted out of love, are transformed into a privileged way of holiness, which opens onto the horizons of a greater good, known only to the Lord.” –St. John Paul II, Homily at the canonization of St. Pio of Pietrelcina
Guest Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 Faith is an interior act, not an interior feeling “The most beautiful act of faith is the one made in darkness, in sacrifice, and with extreme effort.” (St Padre Pio) We all know this. It is also true we do not really know this. We are like the man in the Gospel who says, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). Uniting ourselves to Jesus’ sufferings will not usually bring about warm feelings. In times of real suffering, we must choose to believe—by making acts of faith through prayer, service, and sacrifice. Our struggles and dark periods should not be a source of guilt. The witness of countless saints reminds us that times of spiritual darkness are a universal part of the spiritual journey. From: Ascension Podcast & Transcript (all above formatting is mine) Seek God with the eyes of faith https://catholicexchange.com/rely-on-faith-not-on-feelings Excerpt: ..............."............To sum up: The first secret in finding our Lord is faith. He does not hide Himself from the gaze of faith, nor can He elude it. Faith never has obstacles; it penetrates all recesses; it pierces all veils. If only we would understand the secret of living by faith, of going to God by the way of obscure faith! We approach the tabernacle, and we feel nothing, just as though we were drawing near an empty tabernacle. We say, “Jesus is here,” but it is as though we were pronouncing words in an unknown language, for they move not a single fiber of our heart. But faith assures us that God is there, and if we would comport ourselves in harmony with what faith tells us, how different our prayer would be! We speak to Jesus, but we do not feel that He is listening to us, nor that He is answering us; and our colloquy languishes, and soon we do not know what to say. But faith tells us that Jesus listens to us and that He speaks to us, and that He needs neither external sounds nor extraordinary means in order to speak with us. He is the divine Master, who speaks and instructs without the noise of words. And if faith assures me that Jesus hears me, speaks to me, and loves me, then delights and consolations are not necessary — no, not anything at all."
Guest Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 My problem can be (or reason but no excuse) that I find it very difficult to find a spiritual director who has insight into problems of person suffering mental illness, or willing to learn. I would much rather be without direction, as just now, since my loved, very holy priest religious SD and Confessor, died. I am pretty sure that St Teresa of Avila commented that better to be without direction than to be poorly directed. Anyway whatever - I have experience of direction with no understanding (or worse) of mental Illness - and the little hell it can be. If I fall, yep! I fall alone now. Somehow I manage to rise - but never ever alone. My loved ones in Purgatory and Heaven pray for me constantly I am sure. All these and what follows are representations of continual and constant realities to me, my reality - a sort of step beyond believing or how I have experienced it rather. I am dependent on them and forever grateful especially for The Holy Spirit and Our Lady of Perpetual Help as advocates. The Holy Spirit, Third Person of The Blessed Trinity, for His Grace on mnay levels. I have a statue of Our Lady in front garden near front door - and around the back under my pergola with flowers and greenery, farm animals around it. Three of Our Lady inside, with a couple of wall pictures. My little oratory has a small Trinity Cross with The Blessed Eucharist image as central - small (but taller than the Trinity Cross) statues of Our Lady of The Sacred Heart and St Joseph either side. My dec'd parents' rosary beads either side too. Birds will always remind me of The Holy Spirit, as does the wind. It blows most always right down the side of my unit outside my large computer/TV area window. The wind makes much noise, a veritable racket, in my large red leaf cotton wood against the window. No gentle breeze at all, rather a demanding and noisy movement of branches with battering of leaves call. A sense of urgency to prayer in our troubled world. My dining area has a 40cm statue of The Sacred Heart central in my dining room cabinet. That devotion goes back to childhood. Statue of St Joseph, Patron of The Church and of a Happy Death, on smaller cabinet-shelf with family pictures. In the hallway a large round traditional image of The Sacred Heart. I have no idea where it came from, lost to time and poor memory probably. Over a part of my desk is an artist's impression of Jesus (from a movie I think) talking with Mary Magdalen, Apostle to the Apostles. She is very serious, He is laughing. I imagine He might be laughing because she is taking herself and problem much too seriously. That can speak to me. Did a search, but Google Images could not find reproduction for me. I have a lovely almost miraculous anecdote from a very large image of St Rita of Cascia gifted to me and then re-gifted to someone in need - but too long an anecdote to repeat here now. Much more ....including a heavy beautiful silver very large (probably around 60cm) crucifix with its own little shelf underneath, sighted at the end of the hall the moment one walks into the hall from the front door...gift of my son and his wife. My hall tends to be a bit dark, but the end of the hall with the crucifix is lighted by natural light or light fittings at night. It just all fell into place most effectively. ... and I love having all these artists' impressions around the place. Also it advertises without saying that I am very much Catholic without asking. I do wish I could post pictures I have transferred from mobile to computer. However, Windows 10 has given me, computer dummy, more than a few grey hairs I am sure. It will happen with time, The Lord's time. Red Leaf Cotton Wood: There is a new direction indicating in my journey. Thomas Merton quoted the Fathers in: "sit in your cell and your cell will tell you what to do". So I sat in my cell, my unit, almost immobilized by physical problems, when suddenly my 'cell' spoke - i.e. pneumonia and then a very severe episode of bipolar settled in Out of the ashes of that experience and very disturbing and unsettling, consequences are indicating a possible perhaps completely new potential direction. Dare I hope that the phoenix (i.e. new direction) might be arising out of the ashes? Ah well, if not, then on we go status quo. Reminds me of lines from my favourite poem (also on the walls here): "God Knows" https://alongthebeam.com/2017/12/31/god-knows-by-minnie-louise-haskins/ "o heart be still: What need our little life Our human life to know, If God hath comprehension? In all the dizzy strife Of things both high and low, God hideth His intention."
Guest Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 15.12.20 Tuesday: I had a lovely experience this morning. Incidentally, I do not regard my residence here "Bethany" (also name for a way of life as per my rule) as mine. I am merely the live-in caretaker in my book. Bethany belongs to all. But I don't always use "our unit, my home" or similar as the royal plural can confuse people and lead to long explanations - being me. Bethany is a government housing residence - and very thankfully again, a rent I can afford out of my age pension. Not the exorbitant rent in private rentals - if indeed you are successful in finding one. I was 6 years homeless in the long ago, before my government housing opportunity was offered. Someone had given me a TV a few weeks ago (I pray for all benefactors of Bethany), which is in my bedroom. Most all furniture and electrical items have been given to Bethany, along with some fittings. I have bought little really in comparison. This morning, the electrician called to install an aerial wall socket for the TV paid for by my government My Aged Care Package 4 (more about that at a later time). He was a lovely man and because of the statues and images around Bethany, he recognized that I was Catholic. He introduced the subject of religion, but not in a confrontational manner rather in the sense that he (Anglican) and I (Catholic) were equals agreeing on Christian principles. It was only a short conversation but it was wonderful for me to speak with someone on religious type matters in such an agreeable manner. He was a lovely man to boot. Thank you, Lord - heaps! Incidentally again, in my early years in government housing, when I first shifted into same and in an extremely poor area of most all social problems I expect, it was Anglicare and also The Salvation Army that really bent over backwards far beyond duty to help me get established. They helped me far more than I had requested. If Faith is witnessed to by action, they were certainly outstanding witnesses. When I first shifted in after homelessness, all I had was an old wringer washing machine, old fridge, a bed and a wardrobe. There were no floor coverings, rather bare untreated floorboards. No blinds or curtains. What happened to all my furniture and electrical goods etc. I did have pre homelessness and had to go into storage? That's another story
Guest Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) It is a real mystery to me that Phatmass tolerates me and only once I can think of in all these years I have been on the carpet. Here it is 138 pages (mostly my own posts) and I am still on the road, wherever the road is heading. I tried to start a blog but just could not figure it all out - a real computer dummy. I figure that might be ok at my 75 years of age early next year in 2021. So this thread just got longer and longer! I have been a member now since 2008 some 12 odd years now. It was here on Phatmass that I first made public my private vows. It was fellow Pham members who were supportive as I journeyed towards my Home Mass and renewal of life vows. I was a lurker at first and when a thread got going challenging there was any such thing as private vows to the evangelical counsels in The Church. I joined and jumped into the thread..........with a big HANG ON A MINUTE YOU LOT! (paraphrasing). I am not in any social media at all, other than for a short while Facebook. I made a thorough mess of it not really understanding the software on the site and other things I wish I could forget including that last horrific bipolar intervention while posting there. I had the devil of a time to find out how to cancel my membership altogether. I was for a few years on CAF, but got banned for life - but then a couple of years later joined again ok. I am still there on and off - but now it is closing down completely. Phatmass is my only place on the net now, which is quite honestly often burdened with too long posts. Too much detail too I suspect. Threads off topic and hijacked. But here I still am and I am very grateful for it @dUSt and your Mediators of Meh associates - and that doesn't even stick in my throat. In fact, I think it is a real testament to you all and to members too Phatmass is my web home and a resource - often my example to look up to and setter of bars. The nun who taught me said "Never be afraid to imitate good example".......sometimes I can sometimes not. Thanks heaps, guys! Deo Gratius and Laudate Dominum (A very good friend of mine before even bipolar hit and over a coffee when our kids were at school, said to me "Barb, I can understand you and what you mean, but no one else ever will". We were both 'on fire for The Church' members, with our husbands, of Christian Life Movement back then.) It was out of her library that I borrowed the Complete Works of St Teresa of Avila and St John of The Cross and could not understand what on earth they were on about. I even wondered if they were at some point later heretics or something. It was really only after bipolar had hit, that I began to grasp St Therese and her Little Way. In her autobiography, she says "which was not the Prayer of Quiet". I then recalled something about the "Prayer of Quiet" or similar in those complete works I had read and eventually, eventually, began to grasp something anyway of our great mystic saints and also Doctors of The Church, which includes St Therese of Lisieux, and certainly more about what they had to state about the spiritual way - far moreso than any kind of the unusual and rare mystical type phenomena. St Teresa of Avila does state that the unusual phenomena is not at all intrinsic to mysticism, rather that they are biproducts of mysticism and not to be trusted either, not without confirmation by an SD anyway. St Therese certainly only had one instance of rare or unusual when the statue of Our Lady smiled at her. . . and nothing more. Bipolar has not been completely negative in my experience, not completely.) Quite a long journey here - up hill and down dale, round a bend or two or more, white a few falls and struggling up again. Another thing the Dominican nun who taught me said was "It is not the fall nor it's seriousness, it is how long it takes one to pick oneself up, confession if necessary, and then just walk on as if nothing at all had happened". ___________ Edit: "white a few falls and struggling up again" should read: "quite a few falls and struggling up again. I will be forever grateful to those nuns who taught me all along the way of Primary School and then College. And in especial way for Sr Mary Benignus in College, now long deceased. There was a nun who went far above - far above - any call of duty. The same for a few priests (not many) along the way and one Archbishop......actually two now. Edited December 15, 2020 by BarbaraTherese
Guest Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 ___________ Edit: "white a few falls and struggling up again" should read: "quite a few falls and struggling up again. I will be forever grateful to those nuns who taught me all along the way of Primary School and then College. And in especial way for Sr Mary Benignus in College, now long deceased. There was a nun who went far above - far above - any call of duty. The same for a few priests (not many) along the way and one Archbishop......actually two now. (Sr M. Benignus was a Dominican nun not so much a religious sister, I think; perhaps a contemplative religious sister. She was wise and very holy......but oh my, oh so very strict. I knew no fellow student who did not fear her tongue lashings to some degree)
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