PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I see your point quite clearly Frannie. It is frustrating to me because I WANT to build relationships beyond the gay issue, but often times when gay people find out I'm a seminarian, they just want to talk about why the Church hates them. I know they are not ready to talk about the deep reasons and need love, I want to show them love. It's hard when they won't let me unless I seems to reject the Church and take the whole "well it's only a matter of time" approach. I appreciate your honesty and help in discussing this issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PadrePioOfPietrelcino Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I tried to send you a PM Frannie, your box is full :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 Okay, I've come up with one: Personally I find the term "SSA" annoying and unhelpful - I think it just serves to further stigmatize anyone who isn't heterosexual and encourages people to associate it with some kind of disability or mental illness, which implicitly seems to beg to be "cured." But I also understand that lots of Catholics are far more comfortable using that phrase to identify themselves and/or others than other terms, as a way to disassociate with any ties to "gay culture" or implications that they're sexually active. My question is do you have an opinion on the "gay" vs "SSA" terminology? I know you choose to identify yourself as gay, so would you be comfortable elaborating on why you decided to go with one over the other? I find it annoying and unhelpful, too. But if someone feels more comfortable identifying with those words than words like gay, bi, lesbian, whatever, then I've no place to judge that. Whatever works. As far as other Catholics labeling me that way, I often find that they think they are doing me some kind of favor. They believe -- often very deeply -- that they are showing me respect by saying that I "have" SSA. It grates my nerves on bad days and doesn't bother me at all on good ones. I try hard to use ALL the language when describing myself to people, because in my mind, it's all the same. I am gay. I am a lesbian. I have same-sex attraction. (It does kind of follow in my mind in this order: I have same sex attraction (which means I'm attracted to women because I am a woman). The word for that is gay. Gay women are called lesbians. So: I have same-sex attraction. I am gay. I am a lesbian. See? All the same.) I use "gay" a lot because it's easy (hi, one syllable) and because I want people to know that just because I am gay does not mean I am having gay sex. I might use lesbian when I'm trying to be funny or when I feel really comfortable with someone. I might also use it when I am comfortable enough to challenge them, to ask them to grow. Lesbian is a very uncomfortable word for a great many people. I don't think it has to be. (Then again, I'm all for the C word being talked about for it's original definition. Ina May Gaskin is my hero. Hahaha!) It's been said before but as long as we're talking about terminology... What problem do people have with the word "straight"? Is there "straight culture" in the same way people have defined "gay culture"? If you're easily scandalized, do not keep reading. I have a lot of gay friends. Tons. SO MANY GAYS. None of them are exactly alike. And if you had to describe "gay culture" based on their lifestyles and interests, you'd basically have to describe HUMANITY and what it looks like to live in America. Gay rodeo is happening this weekend in my city. How do I know? I have friends going. I have some friends whose idea of gay culture is expensive (delicious) food, the arts, and superior taste in home furnishings. I have other friends whose idea of gay culture is leather bars and partying. Still others have an idea of gay culture as soccer, beer, and brunch. Gay culture is as varied and undefinable as straight culture, if you ask me. But then, people rarely ask me. One last thing: I think SSA really leaves out some important stuff. Mostly that my attraction to women is not purely sexual. Romantic love does obviously lead eventually to sex (we were made that way) but it is not defined solely by sex. Heterosexual love is often thought about, talked about, believed to be this giant thing that is nearly impossible to describe. I'm here to tell you homosexual love looks and feels the same way, despite being intrinsically disordered. I am often uncomfortable with SSA because of the ideas that usually accompany it. As a term alone, it's kind of whatever. If people need to be clinical to start the discussion, so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 I tried to send you a PM Frannie, your box is full :( Sorry about that! Happens a lot. I'm a message hoarder. ;) I cleared it out enough to start two new conversations! Hit me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 I see your point quite clearly Frannie. It is frustrating to me because I WANT to build relationships beyond the gay issue, but often times when gay people find out I'm a seminarian, they just want to talk about why the Church hates them. I know they are not ready to talk about the deep reasons and need love, I want to show them love. It's hard when they won't let me unless I seems to reject the Church and take the whole "well it's only a matter of time" approach. I appreciate your honesty and help in discussing this issue. I hear you! That's tough. If you want my suggestion, it's this: be deliberate in your actions. Make it a point and a priority to talk about other things. Things like their favorite sports teams, your passions or theirs (things like my spiritual director likes: yo-yos and math games), music, whatever. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me when my spiritual director tells me he heard a Pink song on the radio and thought of me, how giddy I am when he talks about what an amazing performer she is or how awesome her hair looks. He's keeping it real, and easy. Why are the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal so popular? Well, sure, you could say Truth and Love and Jesus Shining Through Them Like A Unicorn Shi-tting Rainbows but I would also toss in this: levity. Constant levity. :like: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 Here are a couple interesting videos about proposed Arizona legislation for anyone interested in watching / responding / discussing. http://edition.cnn.com/video/api/embed.html#/video/bestoftv/2014/02/24/ac-sen-melvin-defends-az-law-1.cnn (I actually jumped back with wide eyes around minute eight of this first video. There's definitely discussion points here if you're willing to hear them.) http://www.cnn.com/video/api/embed.html#/video/bestoftv/2014/02/24/ac-sen-melvin-defends-az-law-2.cnn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Hmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 An article shared with me by another phatmasser. Thoughts? http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/dont-shoot-those-helicopters-down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I know a gay man who prefers saying he *has* ssa because he doesn't like being defined by his sexuality (ie what gay implies.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) I know a gay man who prefers saying he *has* ssa because he doesn't like being defined by his sexuality (ie what gay implies.) Have you read anything else in this thread? Serious question. Saying I'm gay is like saying I'm short. It just is what it is. I don't feel defined by my height, size, or sexuality. But then, not too many people make assumptions about the things I like to do based on my stature. So. When I say I'm gay, I'm telling you I'm attracted to women. That's it. Nothing else. I don't mind people jumping in at the very end, but after ten pages of dialogue and a number of hours from many of us really working out our thoughts here, you could read at least SOME of what has been written. Skim if you have to. eta: You may be responding to the post on this page about terminology. I'm not sure because you didn't quote anything. That's helpful, too. I guess I should thank you for sharing your friend's preference? He gets to call it whatever he wants, but let's be honest: it's all the same thing. Edited February 25, 2014 by franciscanheart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 An article shared with me by another phatmasser. Thoughts?http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/dont-shoot-those-helicopters-down Didn't the priest stop confession when someone walked into the room? I thought they're supposed to do that. And why do they call it last rights when the person wasn't dying? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Just sayin' you can't please everyone. Some get ticked over the word "gay" and prefer saying they have SSA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 Didn't the priest stop confession when someone walked into the room? I thought they're supposed to do that. And why do they call it last rights when the person wasn't dying? Huh? Just sayin' you can't please everyone. Some get ticked over the word "gay" and prefer saying they have SSA. Like I said: "I find it annoying and unhelpful, too. But if someone feels more comfortable identifying with those words than words like gay, bi, lesbian, whatever, then I've no place to judge that. Whatever works." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Have you read anything else in this thread? Serious question. Saying I'm gay is like saying I'm short. It just is what it is. I don't feel defined by my height, size, or sexuality. But then, not too many people make assumptions about the things I like to do based on my stature. So. When I say I'm gay, I'm telling you I'm attracted to women. That's it. Nothing else. I don't mind people jumping in at the very end, but after ten pages of dialogue and a number of hours from many of us really working out our thoughts here, you could read at least SOME of what has been written. Skim if you have to. eta: You may be responding to the post on this page about terminology. I'm not sure because you didn't quote anything. That's helpful, too. I guess I should thank you for sharing your friend's preference? He gets to call it whatever he wants, but let's be honest: it's all the same thing. But just for the record: Why do you prefer being called gay? Don't hit me. ;) I was just joking. What's the most important advice you would give to readers who are secretly struggling with being gay? Edited February 25, 2014 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Anyway, so what are you angry about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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