Internet Emotions

[Ash Wednesday]

Let me give a recent personal example where I was the one on the receiving end of hurtful words.  A former friend revealed something that I had written privately in PM that destroyed my reputation on the forum where he posted it.  I felt hurt and betrayed.  I did not deny my feelings by telling myself "it's just the Internet".  I acknowledged my feelings and faced my responsibility to forgive him.  I have that responsibility because every day I pray "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."  It has nothing to do with the Internet.  Integrity means being the same person wherever you are.

 

I'm not telling people to deny their feelings when I say "it's just the internet" --  I'm talking about it in the context of petty message board arguments and to what extent it's worth getting involved in them, not things like cybercrime or serious betrayal of friendship and privacy. There is a difference.

[Perigrina]

I'm not telling people to deny their feelings when I say "it's just the internet" --  I'm talking about it in the context of petty message board arguments and to what extent it's worth getting involved in them, not things like cybercrime or serious betrayal of friendship and privacy. There is a difference.

 

I just do not see how it is helpful to say "it's just the Internet".  We should not be quarrelsome or getting into petty arguments anywhere.  Why not say to ourselves "this is just a petty argument"?

[Ash Wednesday]

I just do not see how it is helpful to say "it's just the Internet".  We should not be quarrelsome or getting into petty arguments anywhere.  Why not say to ourselves "this is just a petty argument"?

 

I'm not going to split hairs about expressions and perceptions of them at this point. Say whatever helps someone put it in perspective. 

[Catherine Therese]

In Peregrina's defence, it is a very different thing to have something inadvertently said rudely about people with fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots, not knowing that Peregrina has fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots, as opposed to having something said in private revealed in public by someone else who is imprudent, uncharitable or just plain oblivious. I can see why the example to which you referred would have been deeply upsetting, Peregrina.

I don't really think the latter kind of misunderstanding is what prompted this discussion though... it was closer to the former type of misunderstanding, really. I agree that perhaps the n00Bs could have been told about how it works a little more gently but I don't think there was any true mal-intent behind the remark, even if it WAS a little territorial. The principle that you seem to be fighting for - the responsibility we have to governed by charity in all we say? I stand with you on that, 100%.

Ash Wednesday has drawn the distinction though, as did dUSt in the OP - once something is said, its said. Our response to it needs to keep in perspective the realities that come with internet communication. This DOESNT lessen anyone's moral culpability for charity or lack thereof. We can't know, though, when someone is being intentionally uncharitable vs. when they are perhaps just oblivious to the effect of something they've said without a shred of malice at all.

My former novice mistress was often wont to say "give the other the benefit of the doubt, if not the benefit of good judgement" - we need to assume good will, and that goes a long way toward not being disproportionately upset by a careless jibe at my fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots.

[Perigrina]

I'm not going to split hairs about expressions and perceptions of them at this point. Say whatever helps someone put it in perspective. 

 

The problem with using "it's just the Internet" to put petty arguments into perspective is that it makes it easier to slide into treating others badly, justifying it with the same expression.

 

I am me, whether I am on the Internet or anywhere else, and I always have the same obligation to follow Christ.

[Perigrina]

double post 

 

Edited July 26, 2014 by Perigrina

[Perigrina]

In Peregrina's defence, it is a very different thing to have something inadvertently said rudely about people with fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots, not knowing that Peregrina has fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots, as opposed to having something said in private revealed in public by someone else who is imprudent, uncharitable or just plain oblivious. I can see why the example to which you referred would have been deeply upsetting, Peregrina.

I don't really think the latter kind of misunderstanding is what prompted this discussion though... it was closer to the former type of misunderstanding, really. I agree that perhaps the n00Bs could have been told about how it works a little more gently but I don't think there was any true mal-intent behind the remark, even if it WAS a little territorial. The principle that you seem to be fighting for - the responsibility we have to governed by charity in all we say? I stand with you on that, 100%.

Ash Wednesday has drawn the distinction though, as did dUSt in the OP - once something is said, its said. Our response to it needs to keep in perspective the realities that come with internet communication. This DOESNT lessen anyone's moral culpability for charity or lack thereof. We can't know, though, when someone is being intentionally uncharitable vs. when they are perhaps just oblivious to the effect of something they've said without a shred of malice at all.

My former novice mistress was often wont to say "give the other the benefit of the doubt, if not the benefit of good judgement" - we need to assume good will, and that goes a long way toward not being disproportionately upset by a careless jibe at my fluorescent blue hair with orange polka dots.

 

I try very hard to never attribute bad motives to people.  It is one of the most destructive thought patterns that I know of.  I think that assuming good will is a far superior strategy to telling oneself "it is just the Internet".

[Ash Wednesday]

The problem with using "it's just the Internet" to put petty arguments into perspective is that it makes it easier to slide into treating others badly, justifying it with the same expression.

 

I am me, whether I am on the Internet or anywhere else, and I always have the same obligation to follow Christ.

 

I personally do not think the expression in itself justifies lack of charity and I am not using it to dehumanize people, nor do I think that is what dUSt is trying to say with his post. 

[Perigrina]

I personally do not think the expression in itself justifies lack of charity and I am not using it to dehumanize people, nor do I think that is what dUSt is trying to say with his post. 

 

I am sure that nobody here thinks that it is good to dehumanize people.  I am just making the point that it is helpful to use expressions that foster right thinking and acting.

[PhuturePriest]

I know Im in the minority here, but I do think people on the internet are real and I dont believe charity should stop as soon as we sit our fat asses down and log on. 

 

Just my thoughts. Burn me at the stake if you feel it will appease your sensibilities. 

 

I'm actually quite skinny.

[Benedictus]

I'm actually quite skinny.

 

so you're sitting on your boney ass? :hehe2:

[PhuturePriest]

You are one if the least charitable, offensive, grating, confrontational, annoying, hypocritical, and immature posters on phatmass and I'm pretty sure you are aware of that. However, stating the obvious is one if my traits that tempers my overall near superhero persons on the web. Nothing personal, it's just pixels.

 

You really need to post more often.

[Catherine Therese]

We're missing the point here... do any of you have fluorescent blue hair? With orange polka dots?

[Ash Wednesday]

I am sure that nobody here thinks that it is good to dehumanize people.  I am just making the point that it is helpful to use expressions that foster right thinking and acting.

 

I agree, but I also feel that there is some misinterpretation of what I intended to just be a wry off the cuff remark no different than Ancilla Domini's dog.

 

I really should have just posted a picture of a dog.

Edited July 26, 2014 by Ash Wednesday

[PhuturePriest]

so you're sitting on your boney ass? :hehe2:

 

I am a pretty bony person in general. I can't do sit-ups on hard surfaces because my coccyx makes it hurt too much.