Dating

[-I---Love]

I would just like to note that it seems ppl are saying there can be NO physical in a Catholic r/t dating and I disagree. There is a spiritual half w/ the physical that has to be present and if it is then there can and should be some physical.

Furthermore dating should be fun, should be for discerning marriage, and always, always, it should be a learning experience. Anyways how should one know that the person they have their eye on is marriage material for them to discern if they don't start dating them in the first place?

[WCC_Catholic]

my problem is that i have not been on a date in 6 years and all i want is to go on a date. that is it just a date but i marked to discern marrage

[stagefairy]

[quote]I would just like to note that it seems ppl are saying there can be NO physical in a Catholic r/t dating and I disagree. There is a spiritual half w/ the physical that has to be present and if it is then there can and should be some physical. [/quote]

Can you define 'physical'? holding hands? kissing? What do you mean?

[quote]Furthermore dating should be fun, should be for discerning marriage, and always, always, it should be a learning experience. Anyways how should one know that the person they have their eye on is marriage material for them to discern if they don't start dating them in the first place?[/quote]

Nobody said dating shouldn't be fun, but it does have a primary purpose and if one loses sight of that purpose, hearts are broken and bad things happen
You don't have to decide to marry the person before you date them, but I also think you shouldn't date someone you would never consider marrying. And if the point comes in a relationship where you know that could never marry that person, then the relationship should stop (in it's romantic capacity).

[WCC_Catholic]

[quote name='immaculata' date='Aug 9 2004, 09:23 PM'] I'm not dating anyone currently, and I don't plan on dating anyone for a good long time. I got my heart broken last year, so I'm staying away from boys until they grow up and become real men. [/quote]
dont worry it will get better i had a horrible breakup with my ex 6 years ago and i think i am actually ready to date again now. the reason for the break up was sex!!!!! i mde a vow to God when i was Confirmed when i was 14 that i would save myself for marriage. he thought that was stupid and i told him that he can just go and find him sex somewhere else (not thinking that he would) and he did!!!!!!

i have been a wounded bird for too long so i trying to date again but i can not find anyone who will go out on a date with me. i know that all things will come in Gods time but i want someone to hold me that is all. well guess i hav to wait :wub:


Sarah Marie

[-I---Love]

[quote name='stagefairy' date='Aug 9 2004, 11:29 PM']
Can you define 'physical'? holding hands? kissing? What do you mean?



Nobody said dating shouldn't be fun, but it does have a primary purpose and if one loses sight of that purpose, hearts are broken and bad things happen
You don't have to decide to marry the person before you date them, but I also think you shouldn't date someone you would never consider marrying. And if the point comes in a relationship where you know that could never marry that person, then the relationship should stop (in it's romantic capacity). [/quote]
I very much agree with your second paragraph!

As for physical - sure holding hands, kissing - I wouldn't say more than that - and I wouldn't do that automatically - it would depend on the length of the r/t of course and the spiritual level of intimacy and such - physical using good judgment obviously

[stagefairy]

[quote]As for physical - sure holding hands, kissing - I wouldn't say more than that - and I wouldn't do that automatically - it would depend on the length of the r/t of course and the spiritual level of intimacy and such - physical using good judgment obviously[/quote]

One just has to be very careful... I am not saying those things are always wrong, but doing anything that arouses either person is unloving. I read once that physical intimacy is like a fire that once lit is meant to burn bright and stronge, getting stronger all the time. Which is one of the things that God designed to hold marriages together, When lit outside of marriage, it can be very hard to keep it from burning hotter and brighter, because that is exactly what it is designed by God to do.

[Carnanc]

never experienced any dating situations or breakups cause I have never dated anyone, one reason being I am not the most social person that I need to be so I am just not ready. Also I feel its much more important to develop positive friendships with guys and girls and save dating as a process directly related to discernment of marriage, so that dating does not take on mysterious expectations. I feel I should wait at least till I'm out of high-school to date someone in an exclusive relationship.

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

Dating should be the means for discerning a marriage vocation. I'm dating a wonderful Catholic woman right now and we both realize that marriage isn't just another step from dating. We're discerning our vocation right now and we both want to get married someday, tho we're not sure if it's supposed to be to each other. We both definitely realize that unimpeded, that is where our relationship could be headed, with much prayer of course.

[franciscanheart]

Well here goes it:

Dating. Wow. What a topic. This is all stuff I received and learned from a woman i respect very much and I now hold these truths dear to my heart.

Let's start off first with friendship.

Definitions:

friend - ship pronunciation: 'fren(d)-ship'. Function: noun. Date: before 12th century 1: the state of being friends. 2. the quality or state of being friendly : FRIENDLINESS 3. obselete : AID

friend- pronunciation: 'frend'. Function: noun. Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frEond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frEon to love, frEo free. Date: before 12th century. 1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: AQUAINTANCE. 2a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group. 3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity) 4: a favored companion. 5: capitalized: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war -- called also Quaker
- friend - less /'fren(d)-les/ adjective
- friend - less - ness noun
- be friends with : to have a friendship or a friendly relationship with
- make friends with : to establish a friendship or friendly relations with


Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2347. "The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. (((*HELLO MUST I REALLY GO ANY FURTHER WITH THIS POST?!?!!?*))) It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate Him who has chosen us as His friends,[Cf. Jn 15:15.] who has given Himself totally to us and allows us to participate in His divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one's neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion."


Scripture:
well there are lots of passages im going to put this one and we'll move on....

Sirach 6:14-17 (14) A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. (15) A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. (16) A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; (17) For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.



Now for the part you really asked about:
Dating... What is it and who needs it?

Date- Function: verb. Inflected Form(s): dat'ed; dat'ing. Date: 15th century transitive senses 1: to determine the date of <date of antique>. 2: to record the date of : mark with the date 3 a: to mark with characteristics typical of a particular period b: to show up plainly the age of. 4: to make or hae a date with. intransitive senses: 1: to reckon chronologically. 2: ORIGINATE <a friendship dating from college days>. 3: to become dated. 4: to go out on usually romantic dates
- dat'able also date'able /'dA-t&-b$l/ adjective
- dat'er /'dA-t&r/ noun

Court- Date: 1571. transitive senses 1a: to seek to gain or achieve b(1): ALLURE< TEMPT (2): to act so as to invite or provoke <courts disaster> (((HELLOOOOOOOOOO))) 2a: to seek the affections of; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from (((*THERES YOURE ANSWER*))) b: of an animal: to perform actions in order to attract for mating (((*THERE IT IS AGAIN*))) 3a: to seek to attract (as by solicitous attention or offers of advantages) <college teams courting high school basketball stars>(((*<<OUR SOCIETY TODAY COMPLETELY*))) b: to seek an alliance with. intransitive senses 1: to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage (((*AGAIN HELLOOOOO*))) 2: of an animal: to engage in activity leading to mating (((*AAAAAH*)))

Now should I continue and go into discussing sexual integrity? Chastity? The virtues of purity and modesty?



Here's some questions to ask yourself about dating:
What am I getting from this?
What of that list that I am getting, can I NOT get in a friendship with that person?
What am I doing in this relationship to serve God?
Is God the center?
Is marriage our end goal?


Just a few.... tell me what you think!

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='-I---Love' date='Aug 9 2004, 10:32 PM'] I very much agree with your second paragraph!

As for physical - sure holding hands, kissing - I wouldn't say more than that - and I wouldn't do that automatically - it would depend on the length of the r/t of course and the spiritual level of intimacy and such - physical using good judgment obviously [/quote]
NO KISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO TONGUES SHOULD TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[qfnol31]

In kissing, the tongues do not have to exit the mouth.

[franciscanheart]

THANK YOU ZACH!!!!

[StColette]

[quote name='qfnol31' date='Aug 9 2004, 10:50 PM'] In kissing, the tongues do not have to exit the mouth. [/quote]
Amen Zach !!

[franciscanheart]

After posting all that, seriously all one needs to say is:

"The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship."

[Diggety]

[quote name='StColette' date='Aug 9 2004, 08:55 PM']I don't date for the simple fact that what I would get out of dating someone, respectfully and morally, I can simple have with a good guy friend. [/quote]
Some of the best marriages I know started as best friends! I've always liked the view that you are running as hard and focused on Christ as you can, and at some point, you look over and see someone else doing the same and invite them to run along side you

PS One good resource I've liked are Joshua Harris's books "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl"

[stagefairy]

[quote]NO KISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO TONGUES SHOULD TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[/quote]

I could't help but laugh when I read that. I loved everything you said too.

I think another important thing to remember is: Am I using this person to get something. For guys that can sometimes be physical and for girls it can be emotional. And nobody should ever use another person or be used.

[stef22]

Hello, I'm a little new... but I believe that dating is to directly discern who you want to marry. Although dating incorporates a lot of fun, (because you should have fun, jokes, things in common and such) there is a very serious aspect to it. And I think that some time dating gets a bad wrap, and people hear about dating and they're scared. As long as you know the person, fairly well before you date, examples such as what they're into, friends friends sometimes even. It also really is important because if it wasn't for dating I probably would still have a hard time talking to females . Physical restrictions are basically, obviously you should remain chastise until marriage. Some things I do not like is when some people create a mold for their spouse before hand, you obviously should know what you like but limiting physical characteristics is not very Godly in any way. Although I strongly agree you must be attracted to your significant other in some way (physically or otherwise).

[StColette]

[quote name='Diggety' date='Aug 9 2004, 11:06 PM'] Some of the best marriages I know started as best friends! I've always liked the view that you are running as hard and focused on Christ as you can, and at some point, you look over and see someone else doing the same and invite them to run along side you
[/quote]
I couldn't agree more !!

[Crusader_4]

Stef22 well put....i agree with you. We need to date as to prepare ourselves for our vocation to marriage. That is what dating should souley used for. I.e. Cant see yourself preparing to marry the individual then dont date them keep as good friends.

[prov31girl]

[quote name='WCC_Catholic' date='Aug 9 2004, 10:30 PM'] i have been a wounded bird for too long so i trying to date again but i can not find anyone who will go out on a date with me. i know that all things will come in Gods time but i want someone to hold me that is all. well guess i hav to wait :wub:


Sarah Marie [/quote]
Yeah...I feel the same way, sistah!!