The Joke Thread

[franciscanheart]

i heard it like this though


so theres two muffins in an oven.
the first muffin turns to the second and says "gosh its getting kinda hot in here."
to which the second muffin replied: HOLY SH** A TALKING MUFFIN!

[stagefairy]

anybody know any Canadian jokes?

[heyyoimjohnny]

Okok, so a guy walks into a bar. Then another guy walks into the same bar. The first guy says to the other, "So... you didn't see it either?"















What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?






"The elephants are coming!"







BWAHAHA!! *ahem*







What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants who were wearing sunglasses coming?







Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

[karin]

i dont kirsten you are the one who married a canadian.

[franciscanheart]

haha :crackup: i <3 jokes! hahahaha

i used to know some canadian ones but i forgot them all -_-

[stagefairy]

I know, I was just hoping someone might know some because it would make me happy.

[franciscanheart]

*runs to look up some canadian jokes*

[rachael]

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the cat on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

[franciscanheart]

:crackup:

[karin]

There was a german a mexican and a texan all sitting in a boat they had to make the boat lighter or they would sink so they all said they would throw out one thing that their country had to much of to lighten the load of the boat. So the German went first he picked up a sausage and said " my country has too many of these" and he threw it out of the boat. The Mexican went next he picked up some tequila and said " My country has too much of this" and he threw it out of the boat. The Texan went last he picked upi the Mexican and said "My country has too many of these" and he threw it out of the boat.




I am not trying to offend anyone i just thought it was funny.

[DancesforLove]

ROFL I'm sorry but its funny lol

[franciscanheart]

[karin]

why did the chicken cross the road?






























to show the armidliio it could be done.

[DancesforLove]

A rabbi, priest, and preacher walk into a bar the bartender looks at them and goes "What is this a joke?"



Why English is tough
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

[HomeTeamFamily]

what do you get when you cross the atlantic ocean with the titanic
























































halfway

[DancesforLove]

Jump out of the plane
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

[karin]

yeah i know english would be the most difficult language to learn ever.

[azaelia]

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

[journeyman]

Santa Claus, a drunk, and an honest lawyer are walking down the street when they see a $5 bill lying on the sidewalk. Who picked it up?





























The drunk, the other two are imaginary.

[the_rev]

I told my grandma all the jokes, she thought some were stupid, and others funny!