The Joke Thread

[Benedict]

Immediately after giving the "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" speech to save the life of the adultress, Jesus watches as a stone flies past His shoulder and strikes the woman. Turning to face the crowd, He shouts, "Mom!"

[franciscanheart]

i love this thread! :crackup:

[rachael]

[quote name='the_rev' date='Dec 23 2004, 10:11 PM'] I told my grandma all the jokes, she thought some were stupid, and others funny! [/quote]
mine were probably the stupid ones

[InHisHands381]

What to you call a sleepwalking nun?




















A Roman (roamin') Catholic!

[franciscanheart]

lol

[christ_myantidrug]

[quote name='VoloHumilisEsse' date='Dec 23 2004, 07:25 PM'] what do you get when you cross the atlantic ocean with the titanic
























































halfway [/quote]
HAHAHAHAHA!

[lifeteenchick527]

these r good !!! lol!!!

God Bless
LTC

Edited December 31, 2004 by lifeteenchick527

[the_rev]

I found them!

I can now send Fr. Dave the email with all the jokes!

[HavilyRose]

How about some Catholic pickup lines?

-You have a lovely shade of scapular brown eyes.
-Confess here often?
-Can I light your votive?
-Want to hold my hand during the Our Father?
-Were those mysteries as joyful for you as they were for me?
-Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
-Nice Bible
-You know Jesus? Hey, me too!
-The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry"; how about dinner?
-Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath
-(For the ladies) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
-Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper
-I bet I can guess your Confirmation name
-You don't like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!
-Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?


okay sorry. They make me laugh.

Peace and Blessings~
Havilynne

[Dudette]

[quote]-(For the ladies) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
[/quote]


ahahaaha, that one is good!!!! :rotfl:

[Dudette]

[quote name='DancesforLove' date='Dec 23 2004, 07:06 PM'] A rabbi, priest, and preacher walk into a bar the bartender looks at them and goes "What is this a joke?"



Why English is tough
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. [/quote]
oh man, that's hilarious! I didn't get like 2 of them though...

[Dudette]

weeel, since I'm Canadian, I guess I have to bring out some Canadian ones eh? (< notice the "eh")




Ever hear that one of how they found the country's name? Well, here it is:




So Canada needed a name. Some guys decided to put letters in a box and then draw them, whatever letters came out, they would put them together to make the countries name. The first letter that came out was C, so the guy went "C, eh?" the next letter that came out was N. The guy went "N, eh?" then the last letter that came out was D, the guy went "D, eh?"

[Dudette]

haha, I looked some up, this one isn't Canadian though. It's about money.


A letter from a college student
The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter:

Dear Mom and Dad:

Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!

But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don't want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.

Love
Your $on


After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:

Dear Son:

NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble.

Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.

Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.

Have to go NOw.

Mom & Dad

[franciscanheart]

:crackup: im so glad someone brought this back!

[Dudette]

this is going to turn into my favorite thread..hahahaa

[christ_myantidrug]

bump

[Dudette]

*goes to look for more jokes*

[Dudette]

Heh, these are "Only in America" jokes

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a [u]Diet Coke.[/u]

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage

7. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

[b]Do you know?[/b]

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[Pope St Clement 1]

Thanks for the laughs, guys

[cappie]

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher. I sure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?” “No, I did not, Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds t his time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus yet?” The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

2) What's in a name?
Sam is a nice Jewish young man who has fallen in love with a girl he has just met.

When Sam tells his father about her, the father just wants to know her family name. When Sam tells him that the girl's name is Ford, his father says that Ford is not a good Jewish name and he must forget her and go find a Jewish girl.

Time passes and Sam finds another girl. Her name is Smith so his father tells him to find a nice Jewish girl with a nice Jewish name.
More time passes and Sam finds another girl, but this time he is sure that he has solved the problem because the girl's name is Goldberg. "Goldberg," exclaims his father, "this makes me very happy because it's a real good Jewish name, and from a good established family."

Then his father asks, "Is her first name one of my favorite names, like Rachael, or Rebecca?"

"No Father," replies Sam, "It's Whoopi."