The Joke Thread

[Scofizzle]

One day President Bushw as walking down the street in Washington and saw a shabby looking guy walking down the street across from him..He said wow that looks like Moses. He was sure of it so he went to go talk to him. But as he approached Moses took off running the opposite direction. President Bush was confused but determined so the next day he decided to walk the same route and sure enough he saw Moses again. As he approached him Moses took off running in the other direction again. The next day President Bush Decides to sneak up on him. So as Moses is walking him normal route president Bush corners him and says, "Hey, Moses why do you keep running away from me?"

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Moses looked at him and said, "LAst time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years in the desert."

[Scofizzle]

Disturbedxfairy says:


How many priests does it take to screw in lightbulb???

































Only a bazilian!!!!!

[cappie]

Pastor joke: My neighboring pastor put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read, "For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."

[Pope St Clement 1]

The Christmas story was clearly a fable.

I mean ....













WHERE ON EARTH WOULD YOU FIND 3 WISE MEN !

[Pope St Clement 1]

Adam was made first because ....
























































a great artist always does a sketch before making his masterpiece !

[Pope St Clement 1]

The Golden Phone...

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world.

For his first chapter he decided to write about Australian churches.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Hobart, thinking that
he would work his way across the country from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call". The writer, being intrigued, asked a priest who
was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God. The writer thanked the priest and went
along his way. Next stop was in Melbourne.

There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone
with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Hobart and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose
was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the writer.

He then travelled to Sydney,Canberra, Adelaide, Brisbane , Darwin, and
Alice Springs. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with
the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Alice Springs saw a sign for Perth and
decided to see if Perth had the same phone. He arrived in Perth and
again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign
under it read "10 cents per call."

The writer was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

"Father, I've traveled all over Australia and I've seen this same
golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct
line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Perth now son, it's a
local call".

[Dudette]

haha, I've heard that one but instead of Austrailian Churches and Perth, it was the US and Canada.

Edited January 2, 2005 by Dudette

[Pio Nono]

JMJ
1/2 - St. Basil the Great

So this elderly guy is approaching the end of his life and decides that he needs to get right with God. So he confesses and the priest wants to assign him a penance.

"My son," the priest says, "do you remember the Our Father?"

"No," the man responded, "I don't."

The priest said, "Do you know the Hail Mary?"

"No."

"The Glory Be?"

"Sorry, no."

"Certainly, my son, you remember the Memorare? The Magnificat?"

"Nope, and no; however..."

"Yes?" the priest responded.

"...I [i]do[/i] remember the Angelus."

"FINE!" the priest shouts in joy, "Say the Angelus one time."

So the man leaves and another penitent enters the confessional. As he is confessing, the priest hears out in the church...

"BONNNGGG! BONNNGGG! BONNNGGG! BONNNGGG!"

(c'mon, SOMEONE gets it...)

[geetarplayer]

Then the elephant says, "No thanks! I already [i]have[/i] a trunk!"

:rotfl:

-Mark

[Pope St Clement 1]

[quote name='geetarplayer' date='Jan 3 2005, 01:00 AM'] Then the elephant says, "No thanks! I already [i]have[/i] a trunk!"

:rotfl:

-Mark [/quote]
:rotfl:

[rachael]

[quote name='geetarplayer' date='Jan 2 2005, 12:00 PM'] Then the elephant says, "No thanks! I already [i]have[/i] a trunk!"

:rotfl:

-Mark [/quote]

[the_rev]

[quote name='geetarplayer' date='Jan 2 2005, 12:00 PM'] Then the elephant says, "No thanks! I already [i]have[/i] a trunk!"

:rotfl:

-Mark [/quote]
I don't get it.

[Dudette]

neither do I

[allis-challmers]

I love this chat

There was a priest, a preacher and a rabbi fishing on a boat. The priest runs out of worms and steps out of the boat and walks acrost the water to the dock and getts more. then the preacher runns out of worms and getts out of the boat and walks on the water to the dock to get more. then the rabbi runs out of worms gets out of the boat and falls in the water. the priest looks at the preacher and says I guess that he don;t know where the rocks are.

[J.R.D]

IM here for the highjackin ... this is my thred now ... so stick em up .. or tacos, so very tasty and good for you, will be droped and no one will eat them

who wants to hear a dirrty joke ?????
































i fell in mud

[geetarplayer]

So then the scientist said, "I've been carbon dating for years, and I'm [i]still[/i] single!"

:crackup:

[rachael]

:rotfl:

[allis-challmers]

A painter was hired to to paint the church steeple. He started to paint it but soon relized that he would run out of paint so he added some paint thinner. after about an hour or more he added more thiner. And a little while latter there was still not enough paint so he added more thinner. finally he got finnished and went home. that night It rained and washed all of the paint away. The painter came back and saw all of his work of the last day was gone. He looked up to heaven and said God why did you do this to me. A voice from the heavens said

"REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE''


:rotfl: :wavey:

[journeyman]

[quote name='Dudette' date='Jan 2 2005, 10:45 AM']

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Perth now son, it's a
local call".

haha, I've heard that one but instead of Austrailian Churches and Perth, it was the US and Canada. [/quote]
I'd heard this one before too, but it was Rome and Jerusalem.

[Mary's Knight, La]

bump