photosynthesis Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 16 2005, 04:20 AM']I just ordered one! : [right][snapback]791249[/snapback][/right] [/quote] listen to it before you give it to her.
jasJis Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Enough of this inanity! We want to know how tcw's quasi-date went. Stop distracting him.
scardella Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 This is funny... We're like a bunch of old spinsters... "Is it a date? Do you like her? What are you going to do on your not-a-date? Is she cute? Tell me how the date went! How'd you meet her? When is ..." and on and on and on... I need a life!
theculturewarrior Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 [quote name='jasJis' date='Nov 16 2005, 10:50 AM']Enough of this inanity! We want to know how tcw's quasi-date went. Stop distracting him. [right][snapback]791381[/snapback][/right] [/quote] It hasn't happened yet. It won't until Thanksgiving weekend. (We're both swamped). I'll definitely bump this thread though, and probably ask more questions when I talk to her on the phone next. You'll hear from me again.
Proud2BCatholic139 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Oh, how all those questions come to me.
theculturewarrior Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 We're going out tonight again. Please continue to pray for us.
theculturewarrior Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 She has her doubts about me. I have doubts about myself. Before we started dating, I was pretty certain that I was called to be a single layman. I've been going through a personal struggle, and I've been confused, and I had a vocational crisis. I've come to my senses. I'm convicted that my vocation is the life of a single layman. I see the way out. The devil laid a snare for me, and I stopped praying, but I see the way out, and I hope God gives me the grace to take it. I have to tell her not to waste her time with me. I've been leading her on. I have to end this before we get to caught up in eachother. Fortunately, she has her doubts. I just have to tell her that they are perfectly valid, and she needs to get out before we both get hurt. This is a hard vocation. This is a heavy cross. Please pray for us.
theculturewarrior Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 I just got off the phone with her. I tried to tell her it was wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. I told her we were both going to get hurt, and she said she wasn't scared. She said I'm stuck with her, and even if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stuck with her. I felt bad and accepted it, but this still feels wrong. She said she's coming over tonight. This all feels very wrong.
philothea Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Feelings aren't terribly useful. Use your intellect. IMO, giving her a chance might be a good idea. You're such a romantic, I can't see you staying single forever! (I should mind my own business, though.)
photosynthesis Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 19 2005, 01:41 PM']I just got off the phone with her. I tried to tell her it was wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. I told her we were both going to get hurt, and she said she wasn't scared. She said I'm stuck with her, and even if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stuck with her. I felt bad and accepted it, but this still feels wrong. She said she's coming over tonight. This all feels very wrong. [right][snapback]795194[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I don't want to suggest that I know what God's will is for your life, because I don't. And I know that you're not enrolled in the Photosynthesis School of Assertiveness Training... and I don't give the best unsolicited advice... but if you think that the relationship is not of God, you have a good reason to be firm with her. Tell it like it is! I think I may have said "you're stuck with me" in the past, but I didn't mean it in a creepy way! The truth is, you shouldn't have to be "stuck" with anyone! Also, it's your apartment, and you don't have to let anyone in if you don't want to. You're not a doormat. Living out the single life takes a certain degree of strength, and don't be afraid to use it if that's what God is calling you to.
Socrates Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 19 2005, 01:41 PM']I just got off the phone with her. I tried to tell her it was wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. I told her we were both going to get hurt, and she said she wasn't scared. She said I'm stuck with her, and even if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stuck with her. I felt bad and accepted it, but this still feels wrong. She said she's coming over tonight. This all feels very wrong. [right][snapback]795194[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Of course I can't tell you what do do, but neither can she. You're not "stuck with her," unless you choose to be. This does sound wrong. Never let a woman manipulate you against your will. (I don't know the details, but it does sound like she is being manipulative.) If a relationship "feels wrong" in your gut, it probably is. (And a lot of women are quite skilled at being manipulative, using guilt, sex, whatever.) (I'm being serious here. This is my serious face --> )
photosynthesis Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='Socrates' date='Nov 19 2005, 07:00 PM']If a relationship "feels wrong" in your gut, it probably is. [right][snapback]795381[/snapback][/right] [/quote] but not every relationship that "feels right" is right... I often have friends who are in immoral relationships (homosexuality, adultery, cohabitation, etc) and they say it "feels right." God's gift of reason is a good thing
Socrates Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='photosynthesis' date='Nov 19 2005, 07:36 PM']but not every relationship that "feels right" is right... I often have friends who are in immoral relationships (homosexuality, adultery, cohabitation, etc) and they say it "feels right." God's gift of reason is a good thing [right][snapback]795403[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I was talking about things that "feel wrong," not doing sinful things that "feel right." It's easy to blind ourselves by the pleasures of sexual sins. However, if being in a relationship with someone "doesn't feel right," we should not just ignore this. I speak from my own experience, as well as what I've read by experts. No, feelings are not infallible, but often we can intuite things before we can actually rationally explain. (Such as whether we can trust someone. Liars often give subtle clues of their falsehood, which we pick up on a subconscious animal level, even if they "sound plausible.") And without making judgments on people I've never met, a lot about this situation does sound wrong. Especially the woman insisting TCW's "stuck with her" regardless what decision he makes. Very wrong.
photosynthesis Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 yeah, i know what you mean... intuition is a good thing too i was just in a contrary and argumentative mood...
theculturewarrior Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 I've got a lot on my mind. I'm not sure where my life is leading me. Sometimes the only time I feel happy is when I'm with her, and everything is moving really fast, and I'm not sure what God wants from me, but I think I know. I haven't really tested the spirits. I need to talk to a psychologist. She thinks so too. Please pray for us! On the bright side, we went to Adoration together. I told her that we'll have to pray together and go to Church together. She agreed. I don't know what God wants, but I trust Him. He's in the driver's seat now! Pray for me! These past few weeks I've been very confused. I want to give her my heart, but I am going through so much stuff, and I'm so confused. I only feel healthy when I'm with her.
jiyoung Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Are you sure you're not just a bit scared? I guess because it's new, uncharted territories. Maybe you should see if this might be God's will after all instead of just cutting it off immediately. God might have something to teach you, or maybe something else. If the relationship itself takes a turn for the worse, then get out of it--but someone said something about using your intellect. Do that--feelings ebb and flow, but if you know something's wrong, then you need to cut things off.
scardella Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 I think this is the time to mention uxoriousness...
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