philothea Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Feelings aren't terribly useful. Use your intellect. IMO, giving her a chance might be a good idea. You're such a romantic, I can't see you staying single forever! (I should mind my own business, though.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photosynthesis Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 19 2005, 01:41 PM']I just got off the phone with her. I tried to tell her it was wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. I told her we were both going to get hurt, and she said she wasn't scared. She said I'm stuck with her, and even if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stuck with her. I felt bad and accepted it, but this still feels wrong. She said she's coming over tonight. This all feels very wrong. [right][snapback]795194[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I don't want to suggest that I know what God's will is for your life, because I don't. And I know that you're not enrolled in the Photosynthesis School of Assertiveness Training... and I don't give the best unsolicited advice... but if you think that the relationship is not of God, you have a good reason to be firm with her. Tell it like it is! I think I may have said "you're stuck with me" in the past, but I didn't mean it in a creepy way! The truth is, you shouldn't have to be "stuck" with anyone! Also, it's your apartment, and you don't have to let anyone in if you don't want to. You're not a doormat. Living out the single life takes a certain degree of strength, and don't be afraid to use it if that's what God is calling you to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seven77 Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 prayers for you brother.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 19 2005, 01:41 PM']I just got off the phone with her. I tried to tell her it was wrong, but she wouldn't listen to me. I told her we were both going to get hurt, and she said she wasn't scared. She said I'm stuck with her, and even if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stuck with her. I felt bad and accepted it, but this still feels wrong. She said she's coming over tonight. This all feels very wrong. [right][snapback]795194[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Of course I can't tell you what do do, but neither can she. You're not "stuck with her," unless you choose to be. This does sound wrong. Never let a woman manipulate you against your will. (I don't know the details, but it does sound like she is being manipulative.) If a relationship "feels wrong" in your gut, it probably is. (And a lot of women are quite skilled at being manipulative, using guilt, sex, whatever.) (I'm being serious here. This is my serious face --> ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photosynthesis Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='Socrates' date='Nov 19 2005, 07:00 PM']If a relationship "feels wrong" in your gut, it probably is. [right][snapback]795381[/snapback][/right] [/quote] but not every relationship that "feels right" is right... I often have friends who are in immoral relationships (homosexuality, adultery, cohabitation, etc) and they say it "feels right." God's gift of reason is a good thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='photosynthesis' date='Nov 19 2005, 07:36 PM']but not every relationship that "feels right" is right... I often have friends who are in immoral relationships (homosexuality, adultery, cohabitation, etc) and they say it "feels right." God's gift of reason is a good thing [right][snapback]795403[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I was talking about things that "feel wrong," not doing sinful things that "feel right." It's easy to blind ourselves by the pleasures of sexual sins. However, if being in a relationship with someone "doesn't feel right," we should not just ignore this. I speak from my own experience, as well as what I've read by experts. No, feelings are not infallible, but often we can intuite things before we can actually rationally explain. (Such as whether we can trust someone. Liars often give subtle clues of their falsehood, which we pick up on a subconscious animal level, even if they "sound plausible.") And without making judgments on people I've never met, a lot about this situation does sound wrong. Especially the woman insisting TCW's "stuck with her" regardless what decision he makes. Very wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photosynthesis Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 yeah, i know what you mean... intuition is a good thing too i was just in a contrary and argumentative mood... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 I've got a lot on my mind. I'm not sure where my life is leading me. Sometimes the only time I feel happy is when I'm with her, and everything is moving really fast, and I'm not sure what God wants from me, but I think I know. I haven't really tested the spirits. I need to talk to a psychologist. She thinks so too. Please pray for us! On the bright side, we went to Adoration together. I told her that we'll have to pray together and go to Church together. She agreed. I don't know what God wants, but I trust Him. He's in the driver's seat now! Pray for me! These past few weeks I've been very confused. I want to give her my heart, but I am going through so much stuff, and I'm so confused. I only feel healthy when I'm with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jiyoung Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Are you sure you're not just a bit scared? I guess because it's new, uncharted territories. Maybe you should see if this might be God's will after all instead of just cutting it off immediately. God might have something to teach you, or maybe something else. If the relationship itself takes a turn for the worse, then get out of it--but someone said something about using your intellect. Do that--feelings ebb and flow, but if you know something's wrong, then you need to cut things off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I think this is the time to mention uxoriousness... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 (edited) [quote name='scardella' date='Nov 20 2005, 04:10 PM']I think this is the time to mention uxoriousness... [right][snapback]795890[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Yes! It's not like we get many opportunities.... Edited November 20, 2005 by philothea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeyman Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 [quote name='scardella' date='Nov 20 2005, 04:10 PM']I think this is the time to mention uxoriousness... [right][snapback]795890[/snapback][/right] [/quote] [quote name='philothea' date='Nov 20 2005, 04:20 PM'] Yes! It's not like we get many opportunities.... [right][snapback]795902[/snapback][/right] [/quote] The word you may be searching for is "[url="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/uxoriousness"]dictionary[/url]" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasJis Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='Nov 20 2005, 09:17 AM']I've got a lot on my mind. I'm not sure where my life is leading me. Sometimes the only time I feel happy is when I'm with her, and everything is moving really fast, and I'm not sure what God wants from me, but I think I know. I haven't really tested the spirits. I need to talk to a psychologist. She thinks so too. Please pray for us! On the bright side, we went to Adoration together. I told her that we'll have to pray together and go to Church together. She agreed. I don't know what God wants, but I trust Him. He's in the driver's seat now! Pray for me! These past few weeks I've been very confused. I want to give her my heart, but I am going through so much stuff, and I'm so confused. I only feel healthy when I'm with her. [right][snapback]795681[/snapback][/right] [/quote]Dude. Life is allways a battle, to and fro. There are only two ways people handle life. Either you deal with your problems, or you add to them. Sometimes you have to relax a bit and not let anxiety add to your problems or make a small problem seem ginormous. It's putting way too much on her to say she is your 'happiness' or source of 'healthiness'. A partner adds to our happiness or health, but they aren't the souce of it, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 [quote name='jasJis' date='Nov 20 2005, 08:43 PM']Dude. Life is allways a battle, to and fro. There are only two ways people handle life. Either you deal with your problems, or you add to them. Sometimes you have to relax a bit and not let anxiety add to your problems or make a small problem seem ginormous. It's putting way too much on her to say she is your 'happiness' or source of 'healthiness'. A partner adds to our happiness or health, but they aren't the souce of it, ever. [right][snapback]796188[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Yeah, I definitely am not healthy! I'm calling my doctor in just a few minutes. I hope this takes care of it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birgitta Noel Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 TCW hang in there. You're in my prayers. As for the contraception thing, I was on the pill when I met my husband (no, we weren't having sex). And I had no qualms about staying on it when we got married. He gave me an ultimatum one night, him, or birth control. I'm sure you can figure out which one I chose. It took a long time though for my head to come around to church teaching and an even longer time for my heart. And I still have doubts sometimes, but I am obedient People change, often for the better, for ones whom they care about. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep your eyes focused on Christ together. He will lead you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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