Why are all the guys over the age of 21

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Fides_et_Ratio' date='Apr 16 2006, 07:24 AM']I am of the opinion that the "single life" is not a vocation (it just doesn't make sense), and that singleness is a temporary state of life. In all honesty, if one was going to remain "single" forever, why not become a priest/monk/brother (or nun, if female)?
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You and I must be separated at birth.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='shortnun' date='Apr 15 2006, 02:03 PM']I have friends who work in young adult ministry. And they work with the "25-whenever" age bracket. HOORAY FOR THEM Maybe one of them will want to move to Maine. 
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The problem with young adult ministry is that when you reach 35 or 40 you are "booted out". If you still haven't found a compatible spouse by then, it's basically "tough luck".

Also, some young adult ministries are not all that orthodox. They seem more bent on not offending the lesbo-feminazi crowd.

Finally, it has been at young adult ministry events that I have encountered hostility to wanting to be married. Only recently have the leaders downtown started to "get it" - that the vast majortiy of people want to be married. And it probably will take some time for that to trickle down to all the various events. Unfortunately, the damage has been done, so to speak.

[Maria]

St. Mary's Parish in Ottawa used to have a singles' group, but it eventually broke up because they were all marrying each other. That's how my uncle (who was in his 40's, I think) found his wife.

Maybe some other, biggish parishes could do something similar.

[zealousrap]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Apr 16 2006, 10:12 AM']
2)  You need to lay off the Calvinist kool aid and review the Cathechism of the [i]Catholic [/i]Church.  State of life is a free choice, not something predetermined for us.  See my research in the following post:

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=44622&st=0&p=828640entry828640"]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?s...40entry828640[/url]

Any implication that our state of life is predetermined for us will inevitably lead people to unhealthy second-guessing of whatever choices we make.  We will always be have the question "maybe I married someone God did not intend for me".  That is a good recipe for a neurotic life and the only people that benefit from that are the therapists.


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I'm sorry but I can't help but take offense to this. Calvanist cool aid?
Listen, everything is a choice. Our free will doesn't just relate in the matter of state of life. Everything we do is done with free will. Whether it is what God calls us to do or not, it is our choice. Get off that guilt trip stuff too. We should always be discerning God's will. In Cristifideles Laici, our Holy Father Pope John Paul II says that we all have the task of discerning vocations at all times in our lives. In the gospel parable in Matthew 20:1, the laborers are called at different times throughout the day. Our Holy Father uses Gregory the Great to help explain it; “‘it is possible to compare the different hours…to the various stages in a person’s life. According to our analogy the morning can certainly represent childhood. The third hour then, can refer to adolescence…the sixth hour is adulthood…Old age represents the ninth hour…The eleventh hour represents those who are most advanced in years…The laborers, then, are called and sent forth into the vineyard at different hours, that is to say, one is led to a holy life during childhood, another in adolescence, another in adulthood and another in old age’” (CL 117-118). We all are called at different times. This can have to do with personal gifts as well as conditions and gender. Because of the uncertainty of when and what we will be called to, we must always be ready to discern various vocations openly. The states of life are diverse and complimentary at the same time. Although they are different, they’re equally important to the church Communion. So we can't bottle God in to rule out certain possibilities. We don't know the whole story with everyone, as your story proves.

[God Conquers]

The argument that Norseman proposes is a good one, and applies equally well to what he is talking about (vocation) as to choice of spouse.

The is no "the one", predetermined from all time for you to fall in love with.

God has a perfect will... and very often it is a will which we are incapable of following. It's just reality.

However, as Christians (practicing and following our faith) we are never outside of His will, although we may not attain its perfection.

If God calls us to be a priest, WE make the decision, and WE must having made that choice, make it our undying life.

By the same token, you may spend your entire life looking for the perfect man or woman... but you will ALWAYS find some imperfections (my girlfriend ius pretty close though haha).

People must live realistic lives which are guided by the Holy Spirit and by the force of their convictions and integrity of their God guided decisions.

"There is no one out there who is THE ONE. However, there are many out there who you may easily CHOOSE to BE THE ONE."

- Me!

[God Conquers]

PS

St. Mary's rocks!!!



....and I've been to soem of those weddings!

[zealousrap]

[quote name='God Conquers' date='Apr 16 2006, 11:50 AM']The argument that Norseman proposes is a good one, and applies equally well to what he is talking about (vocation) as to choice of spouse.

The is no "the one", predetermined from all time for you to fall in love with.

God has a perfect will... and very often it is a will which we are incapable of following. It's just reality.

However, as Christians (practicing and following our faith) we are never outside of His will, although we may not attain its perfection.

If God calls us to be a priest, WE make the decision, and WE must having made that choice, make it our undying life.

By the same token, you may spend your entire life looking for the perfect man or woman... but you will ALWAYS find some imperfections (my girlfriend ius pretty close though haha).

People must live realistic lives which are guided by the Holy Spirit and by the force of their convictions and integrity of their God guided decisions.

"There is no one out there who is THE ONE. However, there are many out there who you may easily CHOOSE to BE THE ONE."

- Me!
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I'm not sure why you are stressing that it is our choice. That's exactly what I am saying.

[God Conquers]

Good.

So is #82.

But so many guys and girls mope around trying to find perfection. And lots of people get dissilusioned with God because of it.

I agree with you most of all probably on trust. We have to trust that God will provide for us.

[morostheos]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Apr 16 2006, 01:13 PM']No the 82 does not refer to birth year.  It refers to graduation year.
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Ooops, sorry about that, I should have checked!

[Sarah_JC]

I mentioned last night I was eager to find a compatible young man... and a friend of mine tore me out because I was only 19, and she was ... older... and therefore I wasn't ready for marriage and she was.

Is it ever a good idea to gently mention to a friend that she ISN'T ready for marriage?
How does one say "you aren't ready to find him, because you need to love yourself first."
Without implying there's a "one" or that she shouldn't sign up for an online Catholic dating thing onces she's ready?

[Luthien]

Did she give you specific reasons why she thinks you're not ready? Maybe she regrets putting off being serious about relationships and is jealous you are actually thinking ahead? This is all speculation on my part. I know of a handful of relationships where the lady was 19 when she got married, nevermind just meeting the guy for the first time. My mother was 19 when she met my Dad. They are all still happily married.

I don't see age as an issue as much as maturity. Some people are more mature at 19 than others are. I dislike blanket statements. While I wouldn't say, "Go out and find a guy as soon as possible" I wouldn't discourage someone if they met a man that stood out to them and they wanted to get to know better.

My .02 cents

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Sarah_JC' date='Apr 17 2006, 12:25 PM']Is it ever a good idea to gently mention to a friend that she ISN'T ready for marriage?
How does one say "you aren't ready to find him, because you need to love yourself first."
Without implying there's a "one" or that she shouldn't sign up for an online Catholic dating thing onces she's ready?
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Such a discussion must be handled very delicately, if at all. I don't think I've ever told a friend I don't think she's ready for marriage, and I've never had a friend tell me that either. I've thought it about [i]myself[/i] at various points, but that's an entirely different matter.

Now, I have talked to a friend about a relationship she was having with a guy I didn't like ... he was mildly abusive when they were dating. She didn't see the problems because they were in love, and didn't appreciate my weighing in on the situation. Now they're married and have a son together, and my friendship with her has simply never been the same. In retrospect, I think I would have been less forthcoming with my opinion about the relationship. It's generally better to help someone come to a realization themselves than to preach to them your take on a given situation, no matter how gently the preaching is done.

.02

[franciscanheart]

I have to agree with Sojourner. Unless the situation is a dire one I would only "help someone come to a realization themseves". It is generally a lot better for everyone involved. Perhaps if your friend realizes this on her own, she will make better decisions affecting her vocation and her state in life. Sometimes when you tell someone they aren't ready for a relationship, they are quick to the defense. Being quick to the defense can lead to irrational behavior (however small) and create another obstacle in the vocational journey. I would say the two keys in such a situation are prayer and patience.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Sarah_JC' date='Apr 17 2006, 09:25 AM']
Is it ever a good idea to gently mention to a friend that she ISN'T ready for marriage?
How does one say "you aren't ready to find him, because you need to love yourself first."

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Is someone telling you this? If so, what evidence is there that you don't love yourself? Just because you are looking for a compatible young man does not mean that you are heading to the altar already. Sure, you're young, but that doesn't mean you can't get ready for the day. Unless there is something serious that she is concerned about, it sounds to me like this is a snotty cliquish buttinski who should mind her own business.

[Sarah_JC]

I'm going to move this to a PM...

so...

here's a question... In my work with Lifeteen, and CCO... I rarely see any men in 1st or 2nd year university. They're all either in high school, or 3rd or 4th year. Anyone else notice this?

[Balthazor]

NO...
But then again I am a already outta college.