Long Distance Relationships!

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1846070' date='Apr 24 2009, 06:44 PM']When we visited in person temptation was surely present, but our transition into married life was so easy because we knew each other so well. Everyone kept telling me the first year would be the hardest and I would think to myself "If this is hard I wonder what easy is like."[/quote]
Yep. Same here. We were 10 hours apart, but talked on the phone every night, or emailed if we couldn't talk. And since I was also converting during that time, we talked about what I'd learned with the priest or at class, or whatever questions I had. But we knew each other so well that I didn't find it difficult to transition to married life. And then we moved to another country when we'd been married 9 months, but made that transition well, too.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1846084' date='Apr 24 2009, 01:12 PM']Yep. Same here. We were 10 hours apart, but talked on the phone every night, or emailed if we couldn't talk. And since I was also converting during that time, we talked about what I'd learned with the priest or at class, or whatever questions I had. But we knew each other so well that I didn't find it difficult to transition to married life. And then we moved to another country when we'd been married 9 months, but made that transition well, too.[/quote]

I have found the difficult transitions so much easier because of the strength of the relationship.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1846111' date='Apr 24 2009, 07:36 PM']I have found the difficult transitions so much easier because of the strength of the relationship.[/quote]

[Socrates]

[quote name='traichuoi' post='1355287' date='Aug 10 2007, 02:33 PM']I'm happy to see others in the same boat as me. I just moved to Minneapolis to go to school and left my bf behind in arizona. It really smells of elderberries. He's dealing with it so much better than me...why is that? Is that a guy thing? He tells me not to worry...but how do you deal with the roller coaster of feelings?

I hate this!!![/quote]


[quote name='kateri05' post='1355486' date='Aug 10 2007, 06:57 PM']let me just say, it totally is. i had a long distance relationship and my (now husband! ) bf dealt with it SOOO much better than i. my moodiness could get scary

i asked him about it, and he said that he dealt with it better by not dealing with it. not that he didn't care or anything, or not love me, or didn't miss me, but its like he could just ignore it, or some weird, testosterone based response that girls just can't do i think, for the most part, guys are like this.[/quote]
That's kind of been Bubbles' and mine experience. I don't think long distance is particularly easy for anybody, but it's definitely tougher for the ladies emotionally.

But then we guys just aren't a very emotional lot in general. . . .

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1846438' date='Apr 24 2009, 08:39 PM']But then we guys just aren't a very emotional lot in general. . . .[/quote]
See, now I don't think you are being altogether fair to your gender. I think guys are emotional, but y'all have a greater capacity to partition emotion off from other things they're doing. It's a good thing in some ways because it allows guys to function in difficult situations with more focus.

I think the downside of that is that guys don't often learn the language to be able to deal with the emotions they're feeling, which makes it harder to communicate them and harder to process them. I think women are more likely to process emotions on a more regular basis, which makes them seem on the surface like they aren't handling a situation well or it's more difficult for them. I think guys are having the same emotions and the same struggles, but instead of dealing with it in bits and pieces along the way, they compartmentalize it because often guys don't get the tools to deal well with emotion. So it can have the tendency to build up and manifest itself in a variety of ways.

[Catholawyer]

Hello everybody. I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm studying for law school away from home (far enough away to require a plan ride to get home), and my "steady gal" is back home - at this point, after a year of dating, she's basically waiting for me to make up my mind on what to do with her. I agree with everybody that being apart makes it easier to communicate with each other. But in my case, I feel like it's also made it harder to decide whether to marry her or not. Perhaps it's just my situation, that I'm naturally over-analytical, and being apart makes it easier for me to overthink things. But I was wondering whether any other guys who are/were in my situation, discerning marriage with a long-distance girlfriend, had difficulties discerning because it was long distance - and if so, what you did about it to come to the point where you could make the decision to get married. Thanks everybody!

[CatherineM]

People are told today that their spouse has to be Mr./Miss Right, that magic will happen. It doesn't work like that. It takes two people, mature enough to agree that no matter what happens, divorce will never be an option. It is made much easier if you agree on matters of faith, money, and desires. Mixed marriages can work, but they are harder. Agreeing about things like contraception, how many children you want, what are the expectations on standard of living, handling in-laws, and dreams for the future, also helps. But just about anything can be worked through, including infidelity, if you have two people willing to do the hard work involved.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1845961' date='Apr 24 2009, 11:13 AM']Just wrote an article for the Western Catholic Reporter about marriage, especially how we met. One of the things I put in (that I hope doesn't get edited out) was that with a long distance relationship, without the tension of the temptation of a physical relationship, you have to actually talk to each other. In a 3 hour phone call, we would talk about a 100 times more stuff than we would have on a 3 hour date. By the time we first met in person, we practically knew everything there was to know about each other. I truthfully believe that could not have happened if we had lived in the same town.[/quote]

Do you think I could read it?


[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1846070' date='Apr 24 2009, 12:44 PM']Yeah, when we were engaged Matt and I talked SO much, if we couldn't talk on the phone we had daily e-mails and IM chats. We were lucky to be "only" 5 hours apart so he (since he was the one with a car) was able to visit me every couple of weekends. I didn't know all his quirks by the time we got married. I mean, I knew some of them, but not all of them, but we got to know each other so well because long distance forced us to [b]communicate[/b] that quirks were easily overlooked. Does it drive me crazy that he loads the dishwasher backwards? (Yes, backwards, the dishes face the wrong way and bowls don't come clean) Yeah, it totally does, but there are so many GOOD things about him that outweigh the quirks that they barely phase me.

Last week he got involved in a bet with one of the guys he was taking an infantry officers course with. If he or I had been anyone else I probably would have flipped out on him and told him he was a complete moron. But, being who we are, when I found out what happened I laughed and told him he was a dork and I didn't feel sorry for him anymore. He had come home with bites from fire ants all over his wrist, he said it was a "test of wills". I thought he meant that he was in some sort of test out on the firing range or something and couldn't move even though he had ants crawling on him (so I felt bad that his hand was all bit up). Nooooo, they made a bet about who could hold their hand in the ant hill longer. He won.



I totally agree with this. I actually met Matt in person first, but since we lived in different states most of our communication was over the phone or internet. When we visited in person temptation was surely present, but our transition into married life was so easy because we knew each other so well. Everyone kept telling me the first year would be the hardest and I would think to myself "If this is hard I wonder what easy is like."[/quote]

Internet is our almost sole means of communication. (Yay Skype!) It's kind of tough sometimes with roommates. I can't really leave my room- my computer has a sorry battery and there are no places really conducive to talking. I get frustrated at times because of it. I would give anything to be able to call him as I walk back to the dorms from work or something. but I'd rather awkward room calls than none at all. haha. (at least texts to canada don't cost as much as calls. It's $0.40/ minute to call. )


[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1846084' date='Apr 24 2009, 01:12 PM']Yep. Same here. We were 10 hours apart, but talked on the phone every night, or emailed if we couldn't talk. And since I was also converting during that time, we talked about what I'd learned with the priest or at class, or whatever questions I had. But we knew each other so well that I didn't find it difficult to transition to married life. And then we moved to another country when we'd been married 9 months, but made that transition well, too.[/quote]

He and I are both Catholic This is a big deal for me cuz I grew up in the bible belt. there was one other Catholic family in my school. I love praying with him.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1849413' date='Apr 26 2009, 09:29 PM']Do you think I could read it? [/quote]

It's coming out in June. I can send you the link when it does, or you can PM me your email, and I can send you a copy.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1849413' date='Apr 27 2009, 03:29 AM']He and I are both Catholic This is a big deal for me cuz I grew up in the bible belt. there was one other Catholic family in my school. I love praying with him. [/quote]
I understand that. I can think of very few Catholic families I knew in my elementary school. Most of the rest of us were Baptist.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1849856' date='Apr 27 2009, 06:15 AM']I understand that. I can think of very few Catholic families I knew in my elementary school. Most of the rest of us were Baptist.[/quote]

Ditto for Oklahoma. We were 3-5% of the population. Baptists were 85% back then. There were some kids who weren't allowed to play with us because we were Catholic.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1850057' date='Apr 27 2009, 05:38 PM']Ditto for Oklahoma. We were 3-5% of the population. Baptists were 85% back then. There were some kids who weren't allowed to play with us because we were Catholic.[/quote]
I wouldn't have been able to play with my cousins if my parents had made that stipulation.