Time Magazine Article On Teen Girl Purity

[Ookami]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1605887' date='Jul 23 2008, 10:54 AM']Oh no, you definitely shouldn't feel like you have to be "someone else" in order to find love! As a friend of mine said, your spouse (if you're called to be married) will find everything about you "wildly attractive" because it's you, and no one else.

In my earlier post I was more or less rambling from my experience/perspective, and trying to identify what the blurb from Theology of the Body for Teens was trying to say.

You're right that you shouldn't hate those who hurt you, but to show them love instead. It's a difficult thing to do sometimes. OK, most of the time.[/quote]

I just cant wait 2 find that person who goes crazy over me! I know im called 2 have children! wether by means of a husband or adoption idk maybe both! but I will wait and pray about it im only 16 ive got some time left 2 find the right guy!

[Ookami]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1605887' date='Jul 23 2008, 10:54 AM']Oh no, you definitely shouldn't feel like you have to be "someone else" in order to find love! As a friend of mine said, your spouse (if you're called to be married) will find everything about you "wildly attractive" because it's you, and no one else.

In my earlier post I was more or less rambling from my experience/perspective, and trying to identify what the blurb from Theology of the Body for Teens was trying to say.

You're right that you shouldn't hate those who hurt you, but to show them love instead. It's a difficult thing to do sometimes. OK, most of the time.[/quote]

I just cant wait 2 find that person who goes crazy over me! I know im called 2 have children! wether by means of a husband or adoption idk maybe both! but I will wait and pray about it im only 16 ive got some time left 2 find the right guy!

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Ookami' post='1605892' date='Jul 23 2008, 03:03 PM']I just cant wait 2 find that person who goes crazy over me! I know im called 2 have children! wether by means of a husband or adoption idk maybe both! but I will wait and pray about it im only 16 ive got some time left 2 find the right guy![/quote]
16? You have plenty of time then. I met my husband the second semester of our sophomore year of college, but didn't start dating him until after I graduated (I graduated a semester early). It can be tough to wait, I know, but it'll work out.

[J.P.]

[quote name='mommas_boy' post='1605684' date='Jul 22 2008, 10:58 PM']LOL! So that's what J.P. stands for?[/quote]

Actually Jonathon Paul, but close enough.

16 is still crazy young. When I was 16, I was hoping to have a degree and be married by 21. Where am I today at 21? Number one is almost complete (Christmas...woot!) and the second? Far from

But its great because I can enjoy my singleness. I guess its important to remember that we shouldnt get caught up in wanting to be in a relationship. We may come across as 'someone just looking for a spouse'. And who would find that attractive? Who wants to be just a piece of a puzzle for someone else? That's to say "im looking for a husband/wife so you will do". I think this is where the leave it to God mentality comes in.

Still I think that we bear an element of responsibility in choosing a spouse. God may present us with someone, but ultimatley its up to us to choose whether to be with that person. Some idealists may believe that it will just magically "just happen", but there is always an element of risk involved. Hence, I believe this is where faith plays a pivitol part. That being said though, you shouldnt feel as though you HAVE to marry someone.

The heart is nearly impossible to figure out. So let things pan out. Make your own plans as a single person, and see what curveballs God throws at you. Believe me, the curveballs come. Sometimes in abundance.

Edited July 23, 2008 by J.P.

[Ookami]

[quote name='J.P.' post='1605940' date='Jul 23 2008, 11:57 AM']Actually Jonathon Paul, but close enough.

16 is still crazy young. When I was 16, I was hoping to have a degree and be married by 21. Where am I today at 21? Number one is almost complete (Christmas...woot!) and the second? Far from

But its great because I can enjoy my singleness. I guess its important to remember that we shouldnt get caught up in wanting to be in a relationship. We may come across as 'someone just looking for a spouse'. And who would find that attractive? Who wants to be just a piece of a puzzle for someone else? That's to say "im looking for a husband/wife so you will do". I think this is where the leave it to God mentality comes in.

Still I think that we bear an element of responsibility in choosing a spouse. God may present us with someone, but ultimatley its up to us to choose whether to be with that person. Some idealists may believe that it will just magically "just happen", but there is always an element of risk involved. Hence, I believe this is where faith plays a pivitol part. That being said though, you shouldnt feel as though you HAVE to marry someone.

The heart is nearly impossible to figure out. So let things pan out. Make your own plans as a single person, and see what curveballs God throws at you. Believe me, the curveballs come. Sometimes in abundance.[/quote]
lol! curveballs! I know how that is! lol! thnx 4 the support! ill try 2 just giv it 2 god and watev happens happens. gotta trust his plans..."God has a master plan, and i guess i am at his demand." -Blink 182

[Ash Wednesday]

16? I'm almost twice as old as that and still just easing into "grownup" things.

No worries, you have many years of evolving, growing and learning. The best is yet to come!

[J.P.]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1605787' date='Jul 23 2008, 01:06 AM']Correct, grasshoppa, they don't mesh; it's a bunch of nonsense. And luckily for you, it took you 15-20 less years than it took for me to figure that out. That whole "you need to be satisfied completely with God before you can handle a relationship" is a recent invention. After all, if we could be satisfied completely with God, that means we could handle lifelong celibacy, and there's a good chance we'd be wearing collars. It's also a standard few if any of us will achieve until after we undergo our purification in purgatory, and besides, if Mother Theresa could not obtain complete satisfaction with God, what hope is there for the rest of us?

I really would like to ask the person who put that thing in the book where that quote came from. Is it really an utterance of God? To whom was it given? When? Where? Was it shared with the magisterium? Is it strictly a private revelation (keeping in mind that private revelations are not binding on the general public)? Otherwise, if someone is making stuff up and saying it comes from God....well, he/she could be in a whole heap of trouble (can you say "blasphemy", boys and girls?) and I will definitely be avoiding him/her if we get serious thunderstorms.

The whole "wait for your spouse to be sent to you" probably only applies to females, since they are the ones that are supposed to be pursued by the males (and this comes from a question from the young lady who ran the National Catholic Singles Conference), and even so, thinking that our spouses are pre-chosen for us is theologically dangerous in that it smacks of Calvinism, goes against what CCC 2230 says indirectly about people choose their spouses and state of life, and in general could breed complacency and could lead people to stop taking responsibility for their actions if they have a "well, it was meant to be" attitude (see Sirach 15). Trust me, I've seen it.

Here's a blog to chew on:

[url="http://thegiftofsingleness.blogspot.com/"]http://thegiftofsingleness.blogspot.com/[/url][/quote]

Agreed. I like the blogs too.

I know I just mentioned that Im far from getting married. Doesnt mean that Im not hoping it will happen in the near future

[Norseman82]

[quote name='picchick' post='1605819' date='Jul 23 2008, 02:59 AM']God does have someone picked out for you[/quote]

And this is based on????

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1605844' date='Jul 23 2008, 08:26 AM']I do think you need to be content being single before being in a relationship.[/quote]

And this is based on?????

You have it backwards. As I said before, if I could be content with being single, I'd probabaly be wearing a collar by now. The ability to handle celibacy (not just the physical act, but also being able to project to see yourself alone while everyone else your age has kids and grandkids when they are in their 40s and beyond) is part of the priestly discernment process, and I think that this lesson has been lost in all the secular culture that has been saturated with the lesbian feminazi career woman mentality spewed by Cosmopolitan and which many in singles ministry and singles leadership have been duped by.

Perhaps it's because you are speaking from the perspective of a female instead of a healthy male. I really wish that females would stop trying to impose female standards on healthy males.

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1605844' date='Jul 23 2008, 08:26 AM']Not that you can't want to meet that someone and get married, but that you aren't obsessed with that. So every time you meet someone of the opposite sex you don't immediately start asking if they're "the one".[/quote]

People become obsessed because they have been waiting too long. It's like not feeding someone - their stomachs growl. If you tell them "your stomach needs to stop growling before you will be able to eat", the growling only gets louder.

Besides, I see by your profile and picture that you yourself are married. Maybe if you had been robbed of your imrediate family early in life you'd have a different attitude too. Please spend some time in the other person's shoes.

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1605844' date='Jul 23 2008, 08:26 AM']The purpose of a relationship is not to make you happy - that makes the relationship rather selfish.[/quote]

WRONG! It's only selfish if you are concerned ONLY with your own happiness and not the others'. If you are concerned about ONLY the others' and think NOTHING of yourself, that is how dysfunctional relationships develop. How many people are suffering through bad relationships because they do not stand up for themselves and their rights and their rightful share of happiness out of some guilt trip that if they dare think of their own needs and happiness they are somehow selfish?


People, wake up! There is so much bad theology being spewed that it is pathetic. Look at the contradictions that are being thrown at Kris (momma's boy) - even he sees through them! Do you want to lose good peopel? Keep jerking them around and giving them the runaround! You don't need to discern if your vocation is marriage - CCC 1603 states that marriage is the vocation written into our nature - not single - so the only thing we need to discern is if we have a vocation to a celibate vocation instead, and if we discern we don't, stop criticizing us for seeking marriage! Youse are messing with nature here, and you know what they say about the dangers of messing with nature....

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1606603' date='Jul 23 2008, 07:04 PM']And this is based on????[/quote]
The fact that God has a Will for all of us? Chill out Norseman...you seem angry. God does have someone picked out for us. But, that does not mean we sit back and let God to all the work. We have to SEEK that person out. I am no where close to heresy when I say so either. God will let us know as we date who that person is.

[BlueRose]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1606665' date='Jul 23 2008, 08:37 PM']And this is based on?????

You have it backwards. As I said before, if I could be content with being single, I'd probabaly be wearing a collar by now.[/quote]

I think what Archaeology Cat was trying to point out is the necessity to be satisfied with one's individual self. So often - and I'm sure you guys have seen this (and maybe been guilty of this, like I have!) - people are SO eager to be in a relationship that they bounce from one partner to the next. As soon as one relationship is over, they are back on the prowl so-to-speak.

So to touch on what A-cat said, it is crucial to a relationship to know who you are as an [i]individual[/i] before you join with another person in a relationship. Hey, many of us who are not called to the single life *DO* feel a certain dissatisfaction with being single. Yet, during that time of single-hood, it's a great opportunity to grow. It may not be as satisfying as being in a relationship, but it can be used to our benefit - and in the end, the growth we achieve as a single person will help us in our relationships to come. After all, we can't fully "be there" in a relationship if we have no clue who we are!

Edited July 24, 2008 by BlueRose

[Norseman82]

[quote name='picchick' post='1607020' date='Jul 23 2008, 11:48 PM']The fact that God has a Will for all of us? Chill out Norseman...you seem angry. God does have someone picked out for us. But, that does not mean we sit back and let God to all the work. We have to SEEK that person out. I am no where close to heresy when I say so either. God will let us know as we date who that person is.[/quote]

Again, what is this based on? Bible reference? Catechism? Or mere personal speculation? I really want to know where people are getting this.

[picchick]

Ok you seem very angry.....I am not sure why.

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1606665' date='Jul 23 2008, 07:37 PM']And this is based on?????

You have it backwards. As I said before, if I could be content with being single, I'd probabaly be wearing a collar by now. The ability to handle celibacy (not just the physical act, but also being able to project to see yourself alone while everyone else your age has kids and grandkids when they are in their 40s and beyond) is part of the priestly discernment process, and I think that this lesson has been lost in all the secular culture that has been saturated with the lesbian feminazi career woman mentality spewed by Cosmopolitan and which many in singles ministry and singles leadership have been duped by.[/quote]

Wrong...being content with being single IS NOT the same as being a priest. Totally not the same. Being a priest is a vocation. Totally different. One does not say, "I am content to be single so I am going to be a priest. Many priests also struggle with the fact that they will not have a family of their own. They are human. They CHOOSE the life a celibacy not become "content" with celibacy.

Wow to the whole "lesbian feminazi career woman mentality spewed by Comopolitan". Not exactly sure what you mean there but it is pretty insulting. It looks like you are blaming them soley for the fact that you are single. The way I understand it, it is not only them. The reason why I am single right now (even though I am 23 and not 40-something) is that so many men right now are only willing to find the one that will have sex with them. Then it is over. So yeah, where does that leave a 23 year old virgin who is not going to change her ways? Yep, single. Are you going to blame the "feminazi lesbian career women" for the action of men?

[quote]Perhaps it's because you are speaking from the perspective of a female instead of a healthy male. I really wish that females would stop trying to impose female standards on healthy males.[/quote]
What are you talking about? How did AC impose any female standards on males? And you make it sound like female standards are not healthy? Or are you saying that males standards are different? It is really sounding throughout your posts that you are being condenceding to females. It is no longer showing a difference between the two. I really wish you would stop.

[quote]People become obsessed because they have been waiting too long. It's like not feeding someone - their stomachs growl. If you tell them "your stomach needs to stop growling before you will be able to eat", the growling only gets louder.

Besides, I see by your profile and picture that you yourself are married. Maybe if you had been robbed of your imrediate family early in life you'd have a different attitude too. Please spend some time in the other person's shoes.[/quote]
Obsession is never good. Ever. Maybe you need to place things in God's hands a little more and rely less on yourself. I am not meaning that to be insulting but it is the truth. You are making it sound like God has nothing to do in finding a spouse. When I pray for my future spouse, I pray that God will help me find the right one. I ask for his guidance. He knows who it will be. He knows everything. To deny that is to deny the all-knowledgeable God. So if He knows who it will be, why not ask Him to help me find Him?

How have you been robbed of your immediate family early in life? How does this happen unless someone kills your immediate family? Again, you sound angry.

Prayers for you.

[quote]WRONG! It's only selfish if you are concerned ONLY with your own happiness and not the others'. If you are concerned about ONLY the others' and think NOTHING of yourself, that is how dysfunctional relationships develop. How many people are suffering through bad relationships because they do not stand up for themselves and their rights and their rightful share of happiness out of some guilt trip that if they dare think of their own needs and happiness they are somehow selfish?[/quote]

Although I agree, I think AC means happiness entirely for yourself and not for the other. I think there needs to be a balance of happiness. You must be happy yourself and you must be concerned with the happiness of your spouse.

[quote]People, wake up! There is so much bad theology being spewed that it is pathetic. Look at the contradictions that are being thrown at Kris (momma's boy) - even he sees through them! Do you want to lose good peopel? Keep jerking them around and giving them the runaround! You don't need to discern if your vocation is marriage - CCC 1603 states that marriage is the vocation written into our nature - not single - so the only thing we need to discern is if we have a vocation to a celibate vocation instead, and if we discern we don't, stop criticizing us for seeking marriage! Youse are messing with nature here, and you know what they say about the dangers of messing with nature....[/quote]

Um yes, you need to discern marriage!!! Is it not a vocation???? It is not something that you "fall into". Marriage is not for everyone. It isn't something that you try the relgious life and if it doesn't work out then you are automatically going to be married. Remember, there is also a vocation to the single life. There ARE people out there who die single. Some of those people are consecrated virgins. Some just felt called to live a single life. Are you meaning that they messed with nature?

No one is critizing you for seeking out the vocation of marriage. But it seems that you are mixing up the vocation of marriage with the natural inclination to the opposite sex.


Prayers and pray for me,
God Bless,
Meg

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1607053' date='Jul 24 2008, 12:05 AM']Again, what is this based on? Bible reference? Catechism? Or mere personal speculation? I really want to know where people are getting this.[/quote]

I am basing it off what I have been taught since I was a child. By my parents, by my priests, by my relgious instructors. I look to God in everything...why is it so bad to ask God to help me seek out my spouse? If He is to be the building block of my relationships, He needs to be included in EVERY aspect of it.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='BlueRose' post='1607047' date='Jul 24 2008, 12:02 AM']I think what Archaeology Cat was trying to point out is the necessity to be satisfied with one's individual self. So often - and I'm sure you guys have seen this (and maybe been guilty of this, like I have!) - people are SO eager to be in a relationship that they bounce from one partner to the next. As soon as one relationship is over, they are back on the prowl so-to-speak.

So to touch on what A-cat said, it is crucial to a relationship to know who you are as an [i]individual[/i] before you join with another person in a relationship. Hey, many of us who are not called to the single life *DO* feel a certain dissatisfaction with being single. Yet, during that time of single-hood, it's a great opportunity to grow. It may not be as satisfying as being in a relationship, but it can be used to our benefit - and in the end, the growth we achieve as a single person will help us in our relationships to come. After all, we can't fully "be there" in a relationship if we have no clue who we are![/quote]

Again, if one could be satisfied with one's individual self, that means he/she could handle lifelong celibacy and he/she would be wearing a collar/veil or on the road to it. Take it from the group of people who've had to discern this issue the most.

[tinytherese]

That quote is something that either Jason or Crystalina Evert found that was anonymously written. They know there stuff. Jason got his masters in theology at Franciscan University and besides knows plenty of theologians to make sure that it is in line with church teaching. Afterall, he does work for Catholic Answers.

The quote is saying that we shouldn't be so anxious about finding a spouse. When God sees fit and if we are in fact called to marriage, he will send our intended spouse to us. We need to be patient and instead of finding our value and worth in the other person, we need to find them in God. The problem today is that people think that relationships only involve two people instead of three-you, your date, and God. In order for a marriage to work, you need to love God more than your spouse. It's just like the one EWTN series that came out a couple years ago called, "Marriage Only Works in Christ." As Crystalina puts it in Pure Womanhood, that relationships are not meant to be replacements of God's love but the reflection of God's love.

In "The Pure Life" on EWTN someone once said that a real relationship is not a half of a person looking for their other half but two whole people.

We need to bring back courtship.

[Roamin Catholic]

[quote]Perhaps it's because you are speaking from the perspective of a female instead of a healthy male. I really wish that females would stop trying to impose female standards on healthy males.[/quote]

fine, I'm a healthy male, and I've tried to live my life in a good, celibate way until I got married.

There, its not only a female standard....

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1607067' date='Jul 24 2008, 12:11 AM']Again, if one could be satisfied with one's individual self, that means he/she could handle lifelong celibacy and he/she would be wearing a collar/veil or on the road to it. Take it from the group of people who've had to discern this issue the most.[/quote]

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

Being able to handle lifelong celibacy DOES NOT meant that he/she would be wearing a collar/veil or on the road to it.

I will not take it from you. You are not speaking correctly. IT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Being called to the priesthood/religious life is a totally special calling and IS NOT to be confused with lifelong singlehood. Take from someone who knows people who died single and WERE NOT called to the priesthood or religious life but were called to be single...their whole life.

[BlueRose]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1607067' date='Jul 24 2008, 01:11 AM']Again, if one could be satisfied with one's individual self, that means he/she could handle lifelong celibacy and he/she would be wearing a collar/veil or on the road to it. Take it from the group of people who've had to discern this issue the most.[/quote]

I see what you're getting at. I really do. :]

However--

As I understand it, here's an analogy: We have the ability to be happy here on this Earth, but cannot experience full satisfaction because we are not fully with God. For those of us called to marriage, we will likewise not be fully satisfied in single-hood, just like you say... but we still have the ability to feel happiness while we are there.

You have to be "BlueRose" before you can be "BlueRose AND _____".

[Norseman82]

[quote name='picchick' post='1607065' date='Jul 24 2008, 12:11 AM']I am basing it off what I have been taught since I was a child. By my parents, by my priests, by my relgious instructors. I look to God in everything...why is it so bad to ask God to help me seek out my spouse? If He is to be the building block of my relationships, He needs to be included in EVERY aspect of it.[/quote]

And what do [i]they[/i] base it on? Personal speculation or official church teaching? Looking to God for help is not the same as God micromanaging our lives. At least I've quoted CCC 2230 to show we choose our own spouses.