The Secret Pasts Of Phatmassers

[4588686]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345347208' post='2469993']
Would I ever lie to you?
[/quote]

I don't see why not. You do live in a fictitious country.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345349059' post='2470009']
I don't see why not. You do live in a fictitious country.
[/quote]

Equestria?

[r2Dtoo]

Canada?

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='r2Dtoo' timestamp='1345353085' post='2470031']
Canada?
[/quote]

Equestria.

[PhuturePriest]

Argentina.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1345359894' post='2470058']
Argentina.
[/quote]

I have decided that your past will be revealed tomorrow. I've hit that point where I can't quite focus my eyes properly, and I'm making a lot of typos. I estimate myself to be at about 80% consciousness, which obviously is a bit of a problem when trying to actually think in a coherent manner.
Therefore I shall retire to my bed until tomorrow at which point I will go to Mass, come back, and subsequently reveal your own sordid past. Adieu.

[4588686]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1345362229' post='2470066']
I have decided that your past will be revealed tomorrow. I've hit that point where I can't quite focus my eyes properly, and I'm making a lot of typos. I estimate myself to be at about 80% consciousness, which obviously is a bit of a problem when trying to actually think in a coherent manner.
[/quote]

At some point you have to put down the scotch. Otherwise you just look ridiculousness with drunk phatmassing.

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345362766' post='2470070']
drunk phatmassing.
[/quote]

You are an oxymoron.

[4588686]

[quote name='xTrishaxLynnx' timestamp='1345363276' post='2470073']
You are an oxymoron.
[/quote][quote name='xTrishaxLynnx' timestamp='1345363276' post='2470073']
You are an oxymoron.
[/quote]


You are a moronic ox.









That's not true. But if you really were that would be much funnier. Maybe you should consider devaluing your intelligence so my jokes will become funny.

[Amppax]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345362766' post='2470070']
At some point you have to put down the scotch. Otherwise you just look ridiculousness with drunk phatmassing.
[/quote]

Pots and kettles, dear sultan, pots and kettles.

[MIKolbe]

[quote name='Hasan' timestamp='1345362766' post='2470070']
At some point you have to put down the scotch. Otherwise you just look ridiculousness with drunk phatmassing.
[/quote]
what else is there to do in an imaginary country?

[Jesus_lol]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1331942361' post='2402030']
Shortly after Saadi Marzi was released, USAirways parted ways with the band due to creative differences. They remained on good terms, but rumour has it that USAir wanted to take things in a more funk/electronica direction, while Jason and Jaime preferred to work on their death metal/classic country concept album. Winchester was contributing his well-known rapping skills and was content with the direction Jason and Jaime were interested in.
So USAir left shortly after Saadi Marzi, and where should he end up but as a booking manager at an event planning company in London, of which Jesus_Lol was CEO. Any celebrity with any amount of fame to their name would plan their galas and charity events and release parties through Jesus_Lol and USAir. USAirways' vast experience in the bhangra scene and the world of professional music gave him plenty of contacts to draw from and many favours to pull, and J_Lol's mob connections kept profits nice and tidy.
And that, of course, is how I met USAirways and Jesus_Lol. You see, at the time I was working for a very secret private international intelligence organization. For months I'd been tracking a man with ties to a worldwide bible counterfeiting operation. I was due to meet with my contact (more on him in a moment) when I spotted a tail, so I aborted my meeting and high-tailed it towards the Thames where my team was waiting with an escape boat. As I ran I saw another operative blocking my path in front, so I had no choice but to duck into the nearest door which, you guessed it, was J_lol's and USAir's office building. I quickly explained the situation, and we barricaded the door. At this point we were surrounded by about ten bible counterfeiting operatives with automatic rifles. I had only my trusty Beretta 92fs in one hand, and my Springfield XDM45 on my belt.
Just as things were starting to look grim, there was a huge crash on the upper level. USAir and J_Lol and I raced to the top floor to find that Phatcatholic, the contact I had been trying to meet, had blown a hole in the roof and was waiting to pick us up in his helicopter. It was truly a daring escape. Thank goodness that his helicopter was bulletproof. We [url="http://www.ratemyfunnypictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/nope-640x853.jpg"]noped[/url] out of there just as a guy arrived with an RPG.
A few hours later we landed in Saintonge, France, where my syndicate had a major base of operations. The three of them of course were handsomely rewarded for their role in the operation. Phatcatholic ended up working as a field consultant for the syndicate for a few months, and we caught the bible counterfeiters on the day before his wedding to Azaelia.
And yes, before you ask, of course Jason and Jaime and Winnie played at the wedding. A splendid time was had by all.
[/quote]

I dont know how i missed this thread until now. I am going to have to feed my internet watchman to the fishes, he is supposed to report to me every time a "witness" talks about me and my extralegal capacities.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Jesus_lol' timestamp='1345392667' post='2470149']
I dont know how i missed this thread until now. I am going to have to feed my internet watchman to the fishes, he is supposed to report to me every time a "witness" talks about me and my extralegal capacities.
[/quote]

Oh dear, I thought you heard. He was assassinated about seven months ago now in Qatar.

[Jesus_lol]

That would explain why he never complained when i stopped paying him.

[Clare~Therese]

Reveal my secret past, Senor! I'm sure it will amuse everyone (maybe)?

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Jesus_lol' timestamp='1345398372' post='2470167']
That would explain why he never complained when i stopped paying him.
[/quote]

Honestly, he wasn't very good at his job. He was quite the liability in the field. You were right to stop paying him.

[Nihil Obstat]

[color=#222222][font='Helvetica Neue', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif][size=4][background=rgb(255, 255, 255)]

MORE SECRETS HAVE BEEN REVEALED TO ME, WHICH I, IN MY BENEFICENCE, WILL REVEAL TO ALL IN DUE TIME.

TO ME ALSO THIS SECRET IS REVEALED, NOT BY ANY WISDOM THAT I HAVE MORE THAN ALL MEN ALIVE: BUT THAT THIS INTERPRETATION MIGHT BE MADE MANIFEST TO THE KING, AND THOU MIGHTEST KNOW THE THOUGHTS OF THY MIND.


WITHOUT THE ORIGINAL REVELATION OF THE NOTHING, NO SELFHOOD AND NO FREEDOM.[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[cmaD2006]

Nihil, Nihil. You have waaaaaay too much time on your hands .

[Nihil Obstat]

Slander and calumny.

[PhuturePriest]

I'm still waiting on my past to be revealed.