Private Vows in The Laity/Spirituality

[BarbTherese]

                                                  AGED CARE HOME

I have chosen an Aged Care Home here in Adelaide and will probably be shifting in in the next couple of weeks.  At the moment, my son is here and packing up my unit and what it amounts to is disposing of a lifetime more or less, as it were, as once I shift, I will have only one room as my private space.

As soon as we arrived at the home, it had a good feel about it for me and once we were inside, I knew that it was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life.  I got on with the manager, Jane, like the proverbial house on fire.  We quickly realized we were on the same page on a few subjects.  The home is an older established home.  It has a casual and relaxed atmosphere about it.  I wont have problems having a Catholic chaplain call in on a regular basis.

Going into an aged care home was the common sense and logical conclusion I had to arrive at.  My mobility is not good at all and if I am in aged care, my son and family can be reassured, I am safe and cared for at 77 years of age.  I will be phoned via Zoom by my son and his wife a few times each week - they are, of course, living and working in another state here in Australia.  My brother too is being a great support to my son and he has had a few experiences with his wife's elderly relatives transferring from an established home to an aged care home.

My room is quite spacious and my corner desk will fit into a corner of the room with ease.  Sitting at  my desk I can look out a large window into a garden area.  The room is ensuite.  We are going to purchase a really good office chair, comfortable and expensive from what we have seen.  That will mean if I would like to sit up and watch free to air TV or Netflix, I will be sitting very comfortably indeed.  I am acquiring a new computer and other electrical equipment and my son has insisted that I have new furniture for the room.  I have not objected much at all

My new home has a BBQ, smoking area, library with the local library calling regularly.  We have an on-site chef, not simply a person to cook meals.  There are about 50 residents only with plenty of nooks and crannies inside to sit quietly outside of one's room.  The same applies outside in the garden, which has a huge and magnificent elderly tree, which I have quite fallen in love with.  It is beautiful!  Plenty of quiet spaces and places for prayer and the earthquake affecting Turkey and Syria weighs heavily on my mind for the suffering being endured.  How blest/protected to date we are in Australia!

On doing our sums and maths, I will have more 'in my pocket' than I have had living in this unit.  This did amaze me.  I have never wanted for anything living in this unit. Hence, in the home, I will be buying an easel and some decent paint, brushes etc.

The room will amount to my cell, although much too elaborate to call it that.  

There are free bus trips (the home has its own small bus) and outings to the local shopping centre., and of course activities in the home itself; however, I will have much to keep me occupied and busy in my room much of the time.  Not all of it.

The image is not related to the age care home that will be my home, but has some similarities only.  My room at the home is certainly larger with a tiny sort of kitchenette type area with room for a bar fridge, make coffee etc.  I can put up my own pictures on the walls and generally make the space my own.  I am immensely grateful The Lord has watched over me all my life.  Even in much difficulty, the strength has been gifted to endure or persevere and work through whatever ails me.  Hence, no reason whatsoever to doubt Him ever.  What more could I ask !!!

                                                

[Luigi]

Most excellent! I'm very happy for  you, Barbara Therese. A spacious garden, a room with a view, a computer, a comfortable chair, an easel, and a kitchenette (not to mention a fridge with a bar in it... or did I misunderstand that ()?). It sounds like the terrestrial definition of heaven! Then add in the people - an agreeable manager, a visiting chaplain, and video calls from family. Go there in peace, to love and serve the Lord!

[BarbTherese]

18 hours ago, Luigi said:

Most excellent! I'm very happy for  you, Barbara Therese. A spacious garden, a room with a view, a computer, a comfortable chair, an easel, and a kitchenette (not to mention a fridge with a bar in it... or did I misunderstand that ()?). It sounds like the terrestrial definition of heaven! Then add in the people - an agreeable manager, a visiting chaplain, and video calls from family. Go there in peace, to love and serve the Lord!

Thank you very much, Luigi.  While sitting here and watching my whole life to date almost be packed up and ready for a dumpster or skip as we call them here is a rather sad experience, I am looking forward to actually shifting into the home.  It will be a whole change for me as I put aside whatever works I may have embraced in my Bethany journey I suspect, I will be taking up a new aspect of Bethany and that is a focused prayer life I am hoping. That is the lifestyle I had hoped for in the first place but The Lord had other plans and that was good enough for me to abandon my own.   Prayer has always been a focus of mine/Bethany but not as much as I am anticipating, anyway, in the home.  I will be able to get to Mass now and then and hopefully on a Sunday.  I am also hoping to acquire a Jesuit director.  A chaplain, I hope, will be able to bring me Holy Communion more or less regularly.  The Catholic Church is not far and with my 50% taxi or cab discount with more available money each fortnight than I have had here, I can travel to and from Mass without difficulty.

This last time/bipolar episode, I have had the most terrifying experiences of my whole bipolar journey in that I hallucinated visually for the very first time.  How my heart goes out even more to sufferers of mental illness.  We all do need to remember that just as heart, lungs, kidneys, liver etc. are organs of the body and can become diseased, so the brain is an organ of the body too and dismiss any stigma from mental illness.

Luigi, I did have a big smile at your comment about a bar fridge.  Nope, no alcohol in it at the home, although nothing to prevent me buying my own alcohol - in moderation - and keeping it in the bar fridge.  We call it a bar fridge here because it is a very small fridge often kept behind a bar in the home.  Nothing prevents me, however, from going to the local pub (hotel) for a meal and a few drinks, just as long as I don't return to the home totally inebriated.  The home transport system would take me to the hotel and bring me home again at agreed times or I can use my taxi discount.

I will be permitted much freedom in the home, much more in fact than I had anticipated.

Thank you again, Luigi, for your uplifting and very kind, insightful, comments.  The Lord has seen to it that I depart Bethany here with a few tears as is only human and rightful, but with much Hope and Joy in my heart for what is the final leg of my journey here on earth, the last run in my race - and Hope and Joy is Pure Gift of The Lord and to see to it that I do indeed reside in what seems to be "the terrestrial definition of heaven!" and I do agree with your description.

We are so very blest in Australia with our democratic freedoms including of many and varied religions and protections to date from any natural disaster of world shaking proportions, that we do owe in Justice the rest of the world so very much.  We need to donate what one can and to spend a minute or two in prayer.

Thank you yet again, Luigi!  I have really missed Phatmass and my online Phamily and phriends.  I do plan to increase my donations to dUSt and Phatmass.  He has done a great service to The Church in my book in Phatmass for one only........but don't tell him I said that, please................

Regards.......Barb  

            No matter where The Lord should call one, no matter, no matter, no matter nothing, we are The Church Militant on earth in a direct confrontation with the embodiment of Evil and no matter at all what form it takes :

  

 

 

[BarbTherese]

                           "The real journey of life is interior" (Thomas Merton)

With what has been the most frightening experiences of my whole bipolar journey, some 50 odd years since it onset at 28 years of age, I have had plenty of time to think while in hospital.  Perhaps too much time it could be said and rightly or wrongly.

It is a myth that we only use ten percent of our brain.  Perhaps it could be better put that we only currently understand fully ten percent of our brain's functioning.  What is mental illness?  Can it be embraced by that ten percent of functioning that we do understand, or is it an aspect of brain functioning of which we do not yet understand?  Am I to dismiss what I saw and heard while enduring the episode as merely symptoms of an unwell brain, or was it something else? 

I had to keep asking myself: "Is what I can see and hear happening now, or is it to happen in the future?  Or is it all pure nonsense?"  Why was it that at the same time as I was seeing and hearing 'psychotic symptoms' that I seemed to be able to reason logically and talk with the psychiatrists' quite logically?  Even at times, both experiences at the same time.   I did not tell the psychiatrists in the hospital what I was experiencing since they did not ask details - and with much gratitude and thanksgiving, Lord.  Most often, if not always, if I had told them it would have meant simply increased doses of anti-psychotics.  The aim being to have me experience and think like the most common, the herd.  Nothing intrinsically wrong with that, unless one experiences it as false, not true to one's self.  I have always been weird to others and "Barbara" means strange in some interpretations anyway.

  I am so happy to be free of the invisible straightjacket of institutionalized psychiatry.  My own personal psychiatrist is of an entirely different ilk and I have an appointment with her, thankfully, later this month. 

 

 

1 minute ago, BarbTherese said:

                           "The real journey of life is interior" (Thomas Merton)

With what has been the most frightening experiences of my whole bipolar journey, some 50 odd years since it onset at 28 years of age, I have had plenty of time to think while in hospital.  Perhaps too much time it could be said and rightly or wrongly.

It is a myth that we only use ten percent of our brain.  Perhaps it could be better put that we only currently understand fully ten percent of our brain's functioning.  What is mental illness?  Can it be embraced by that ten percent of functioning that we do understand, or is it an aspect of brain functioning of which we do not yet understand?  Am I to dismiss what I saw and heard while enduring the episode as merely symptoms of an unwell brain, or was it something else? 

I had to keep asking myself: "Is what I can see and hear happening now, or is it to happen in the future?  Or is it all pure nonsense?"  Why was it that at the same time as I was seeing and hearing 'psychotic symptoms' that I seemed to be able to reason logically and talk with the psychiatrists' quite logically?  Even at times, both experiences at the same time.   I did not tell the psychiatrists in the hospital what I was experiencing since they did not ask details - and with much gratitude and thanksgiving, Lord.  Most often, if not always, if I had told them it would have meant simply increased doses of anti-psychotics.  The aim being to have me experience and think like the most common, the herd.  Nothing intrinsically wrong with that, unless one experiences it as false, not true to one's self.  I have always been weird to others and "Barbara" means strange in some interpretations anyway.

  I am so happy to be free of the invisible straightjacket of institutionalized psychiatry.  My own personal psychiatrist is of an entirely different ilk and I have an appointment with her, thankfully, later this month.  I can't have her treat me during an episode as she is a private psychiatrist and I cannot afford a private psychiatric hospital.  I am poor and must be treated in a public hospital.  "All things work together for those who love God" (Romans Chapter  8).

 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

 

 

THE GATE OF THE YEAR (Minnie Louise Haskins)

'God Knows'

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown".
And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way".
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life's stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God's thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.[3]

(

[BarbTherese]

On 2/11/2023 at 1:27 PM, Luigi said:

(not to mention a fridge with a bar in it... or did I misunderstand that ()?)

Hi again Luigi

I am still finding out things about my new home.  One of them is a monthly wine tasting...................I will be in on that for sure! 

While in hospital, three of us became close friends.  We are all now out of hospital and made contact with each other.  We do plan to meet every so often for a meal and a few drinks and will be calling ourselves "The Culture Club".  Our bookings will be made under that name.

Blessings and The Lord's Care just keep unfolding for me.  At first, I was shocked and even hurt at the suggestion of an aged care home.  That passed as light flowed in as to my will and that of My Lord.   It does rather remind me of those who enter religious life and experience immediately a sort of 'this is home' experience and this my experience on entering the home, although really as we got out the car and walked towards the front door.  I am feeling that I am to arrive and if history speaks, it will be an arrival to 'depart'..........where?.............I have no idea at all..................perhaps in my coffin 

Our God of The Surprise.

The following track does remind me of transactional analysis: i.e. Parent, Adult and Child.

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Today I had to go for an Ultrasound - my doctor will get the result in a couple of days.  It was just for my shoulder, which is quite painful but nothing serious.

Yesterday, my son and I went to office suppliers and purchased a new corner desk with a white top.  Because of cataracts, I cannot see black on black.  The cataracts will be removed in due course and, again, nothing serious as to my poor vision other than the cataracts.

We also purchased a new computer chair.  It was quite expensive at $600, but it is a really good chair for me.

I am shifting into the home on Thursday.  I am looking forward to the challenge  of establishing a lifestyle there.  After what is sold from my unit here, it will increase my bank balance by around $8000 over and above all that has been already purchased new or sold.

.

 

[BarbTherese]

Dear Lord, I rejoice thankfully in the ways I might be suffering as I rejoice thankfully for the many ways you share the load with happy blessings.  Amen.

 

[BarbTherese]

The last few days, summer has, I think, been saying aurevoir to us here in Adelaide.  The temperature is 38C or 100.4F.  We have the air conditioning on and so my son has been able to continue to pack, which amounts to three small boxes for me and the rest packed into boxes to be dumped.  I am looking forward to shifting, which could be as close as tomorrow.  What initially really upset and hurt me has been turned into a happy blessing and I wonder "Where to now, My Lord?"  I had no idea at  all the journey I was to travel when I made Private Vows, not that I have lived them out perfectly, whatever perfection might be indeed. "The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" Jesus said to them in reply, "Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners."

The Galilee Song, and my favourite hymn rather often bringing a tear or two, was written by an Australia Missionary of The Sacred Heart, Fr. Frank Anderson HERE  The Sacred Heart is my favourite image and devotion.  I have a lovely large statue and also a very old painting, which is an artist's impression.  I also have a statue of Our Lady of The Sacred Heart.  I have special devotion too to Our Lady.

"Then Jesus said to them, "This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken, 19 for it is written: 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed';

but after I have been raised up, I shall go before you to Galilee." Galilee in the Time of Jesus

 

[BarbTherese]

It is my second day in this aged care home.  How on earth did I get to 77 years of age!  I have secrets to share about my illness later.  I should write, I know, but just now I am still settling in here and my son and brother still sorting out my unit.  I can't think at the moment!

Barb

 

[Luigi]

WOW! I'm more familiar with the older Dylan, whose voice is more nasal and. His voice on this version of "Like a Rolling Stone" is... I don't know... almost musical! 

[Luigi]

15 minutes ago, Luigi said:

WOW! I'm more familiar with the older Dylan, whose voice is more nasal and. His voice on this version of "Like a Rolling Stone" is... I don't know... almost musical! 

"more nasal and ragged." I don't know why I didn't type that word in the original post. 

 

And here's a Dylan song by my favorite Dylan interpreter. "Ring Them Bells" in your new location. 

 

[BarbTherese]

5 hours ago, Luigi said:

"more nasal and ragged." I don't know why I didn't type that word in the original post. 

 

And here's a Dylan song by my favorite Dylan interpreter. "Ring Them Bells" in your new location. 

 

 

Hi Luigi, Greetings and thank you for another Post.  I really do appreciate them always.  Thank you too for contributions and never be fearful of contradicting me.........signposts along my journey of potential necessary detours.  

I will need to listen to your favourite interpreter later, for some reason, I have lost all sound on my computer.  We are experiencing computer glitches and teething problems after shifting the computer from its' thirteen year home to here.  It is acting up on me.

My son is picking up my grocery order from Coles tomorrow and will address the computer sound problem then.  My desire for a simple contemplative life in the early years of my journey, is now being fulfilled in this Bupa aged care home.  Laudate Dominum, Deo Gratius.

My grocery order is simply for snacks and a few items I need.  Snacks are the small tins of tuna, oysters in BBQ sauce and one other I cannot recall.

Lacking sound on the computer, I have been able to access Kindle and books I have bought to read, quite a few as yet unread.  One of them is "A Jesuit's view of almost anything".  Strangely, I was filled with very real revulsion on sighting it and yet chose it.  Three pages into a read of it and it has gripped my interest.

Often in my journey, I have planned a day - The Good God has smiled, I am sure, and done His Own Thing and my day has been anything but what I planned.  Such I think is probably an oft experienced matter if one is desirous of surrendering to The Will of God.  As a child in primary school, the nuns had told us that the Rule for religious was the Will of God and by fulfilling The Will of God, one could become a great saint.  That fired me up and birthed the earliest years of my desire to be a nun.  God smiled and did His Own Thing! 

Following that, my next ardent desire was to wear the religious habit and be known and marked as belonging to God alone.  God Smiled and did His Own Thing.

Finally, somewhere along in my journey, I wanted His Will alone to be done in me and somehow to know exactly what God's Will was in every single moment, every passing second, of my life.  God Smiled.

I am hoping that the video below is the one I am after, since I am unable to listen to it myself before posting.  It is entirely instrumental for violin, flute and harpsichord..........and beautiful.

 

 

[BarbTherese]

2 hours ago, BarbTherese said:

and one other I cannot recall

...........sardines...............

 

To trust in God’s will is the “secret of happiness and content,” the one sure-fire way to attain serenity in this world and salvation in the next. <I>Trustful Surrender </I>simply and clearly answers questions that many Christians have regarding God’s will, the existence of evil, and the practice of trustful surrender, such as:<BR /><UL><LI>How can God will or allow evil? (pg. 11)</LI><LI>Why does God allow bad things to happen to innocent people? (pg. 23)</LI><LI>Why does God appear not to answer our prayers? (pg. 107)</LI><LI>What is Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence? (pg. 85) and many more…</LI></UL>This enriching classic will lay to rest many doubts and fears, and open the door to peace and acceptance of God’s will. TAN’s pocket-sized edition helps you to carry it wherever you go, to constantly remind yourself that God is guarding you, and He does not send you any joy too great to bear or any trial too difficult to overcome. <BR /><DIV><BR /> (144 pgs, PB.)</DIV>   HERE

 

________________________________________

Brother Lawrence (ocd - discalced Carmelite)was a man of humble beginnings who discovered the greatest secret of living in the kingdom of God here on earth. It is the art of "practicing the presence of God in one single act that does not end." He often stated that it is God who paints Himself in the depths of our soul. We must merely open our hearts to receive Him and His loving presence. For centuries this unparalleled classic has given both blessing and instruction to those who can be content with nothing less than knowing God in all His majesty and feeling His loving presence throughout each simple day. Inspirational classic        https://www.amazon.com.au/Practice-Presence-God-Brother-Lawrence/dp/1614279683

 

 

[BarbTherese]

233.3

 

[BarbTherese]

I have really got into The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything.  I must fall into the "Almost" since Father does not mention sufferers of mental illness who are extremely poor.

I have been kicked out of every parish I have attended when an episode of bipolar occurred i.e. the complete refusal on the ground, not in the ideal however, to grasp the problem of MI to a sufferer.  Not only that, I am now almost completely crippled and would need a lift, help, to attend Mass.  I am in a wheelchair.  It would cost me $135 to go to Mass one way. The cost over $200 both ways.  Father does not mention these life problems in his book, hence I must fall into A L M O S T   E V E R Y T H I N G  category.  I do not mean,, anyway, to be a Catholic-basher or criticizer, but these are very real problems to me.  Generally, people do not understand MI and putting a wheelchair into a vehicle can present great problems.  I can insight and understand their problems, attempting a walk in their shoes, but it seems, anyway, that there is no understanding, on the ground, of my problems.  Or I would not have been kicked out of every parish I have attended, kicked out that is through gossip and false understandings of MI, as well as the reason why I am unable to attend Mass.

I have wanted to write the above for quite some time but have refrained as I really do not want to join the long list of those critical of The Church - and yet, in order to be truthful, it seems I must join that long line.

_________________________________

I do wish I could hear sound.  Words carry the intellect, while music carries the spirit.  The overall human experience asks lyrics and music.  How can we know we are worth it?  Because we are alive meaning we are still needed here.  How can we know we can make it through?  Because The Lord is Life and Hope, not hopelessness.  He would not permit nor ask the impossible.  He would not ask the most difficult and impossible, when clearly He needs us here.  We all have a purpose and mission to fulfill.  Amen

I just hope the musical video below is what I hope for.  If not, I will correct it later when I have sound back.

 

 

                                   

Edited February 23, 2023 by BarbTherese

[BarbTherese]

I have really got into The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything.  I must fall into the "Almost" since Father does not mention sufferers of mental illness who are extremely poor.

I have been kicked out of every parish I have attended when an episode of bipolar occurred i.e. the complete refusal on the ground, not in the ideal however, to grasp the problem of MI to a sufferer.  Not only that, I am now almost completely crippled and would need a lift, help, to attend Mass.  I am in a wheelchair.  It would cost me $135 to go to Mass one way. The cost over $200 both ways.  Father does not mention these life problems in his book, hence I must fall into A L M O S T   E V E R Y T H I N G  category.  I do not mean,, anyway, to be a Catholic-basher or criticizer, but these are very real problems to me.  Generally, people do not understand MI and putting a wheelchair into a vehicle can present great problems.  I can insight and understand their problems, attempting a walk in their shoes, but it seems, anyway, that there is no understanding, on the ground, of my problems.  Or I would not have been kicked out of every parish I have attended, kicked out that is through gossip and false understandings of MI and why I am unable to attend Mass.

I have wanted to write the above for quite some time but have refrained as I really do not want to join the long list of those critical of The Church - and yet, in order to be truthful, it seems I must join that long line.

_________________________________

I do wish I could hear sound.  Words carry the intellect, while music carries the spirit.  The overall human experience asks lyrics and music.  How can we know we are worth it?  Because we are alive meaning we are still needed here.  How can we know we can make it through?  Because The Lord is Life and Hope, not hopelessness.  He would not permit nor ask the impossible.  He would not ask the most difficult and impossible, when clearly He needs us here.  We all have a purpose and mission to fulfill.  Amen

I just hope the musical video below is what I hope for.  If not, I will correct it later when I have sound back.

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Apologies, sometimes I have problems with the softwear and operator error.  My posts could repeat twice.  The following is new however:

 Yet, despite my problems, I have been gifted Peace and Joy.  I am here still, because I am meant to be here.  Jesus still needs me to complete my mission and raison détre (reason to be).  Or to put it simply, I would not be alive.  The same applies to you.......to every person.

Much has given me assurances of my philosophy, especially the lyrics and music of Bob Dylan, to whom I owe much, very much.   He has not led me away from The Gospel and Jesus, but to view same in a new light.  View it in my own contemporary light, my own times.  Just as Jesus spoke to His Own Times while here on earth.

I would dedicate the video below to the fact that Jesus was a revolutionary who challenged the religious leadership and teachings, values, of His Own Journey here.  Jesus opted out, to be relevant to His Own Times, to the problems especially those of the poor and disabled.

Quote

 

" Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, 20 take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 21

What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life?" (Matthew Chapter 16)

All my quotes come from the Vatican Bible translation: https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/_INDEX.HTM

 

One really knows one has lost his or her life with mental illness.  One surrenders one's own sanity to The Will of The Lord.  Personally, I had already freely accepted and embraced involuntarily my extreme poverty.  These do not mean there is no challenge to overcome, rather to transcend and to point towards the resurrection, only possible after death - a category of death, just as detachment, for one example only, is a category of death.  Detachment from material goods, for example, asks that they are no longer essential to one's survival in Jesus.  One has died to their essentiality.

 

     

[BarbTherese]

 

 

 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

10 hours ago, BarbTherese said:

 

 

 

                                   

 

 

I thought the above video was a good selection for mental illness.  In my imagination, it is Jesus and a sufferer of MI in conversation.   A real artist, worth the salt, knows that there is his or her reason behind a work including a musical work.  They also know that every person may have a different understanding or interpretation of what a work of art is 'saying' and that every interpretation or understanding is valid and is correct........even though there might be hundreds of different interpretations etc.

All creativity comes from God and can be used for good or for evil.

Another interesting version of Maggie's Farm...................