superblue Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 the situation worked it self out and things are over santera and there are no other females outside of family that are in my life. Ty for the support marigold and everyone keeping tabs on me, prayers are always appreciated.
superblue Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Okay I hit the spoiler thing twice cause I didn't know what it was.... nor how to really use it. My third visit with this Benedictine order as a vocations guest, is finally over ! And now I begin the Postulancy ! Pretty neat. It is so much to absorb. It is all very surreal; I have gone through so much in life in general, and who hasn't. To ride out so many brutal tough times in life, and trying so hard to be an extroverted person to realizing that is not who I am and that it is okay, and not a bad thing. To starting to finally take my relationship with Christ seriously, and my prayer life seriously, and to see my prayers for others being answered, and yet so terrified to pray for myself..... To now realizing I need to start praying for something I never realized I needed until now which is to be able to feel joy again. Right now my emotions are in a big state of confusion and flux. My depression i think plays a part in not understand what real joy feels like, so it is a new feeling in a way, but i am starting to understand what peace and calm is, and it is such a real blessing for me. I have so much in place for the upcoming move so I don't crash and burn emotionally , and this is in thanks to a top notch Vocations Director, who really cares about me. My depression I am battling the best I can and my fears of detaching from home. Which is crazy, I have done it before, an I think again the depression an anxiety are the reasons for it being an issue an why it is harder to break away from home emotionally this time around; and nothing is written in stone I can leave the postulancy any time an be like thanks but no thanks, but I think deep down I know this is the real deal an thus the bitter sweet feelings I am having at the moment. what I found wild is that they have access to the internet in the library, something I never even thought about asking about while I was there. I only found out the day I left an was like pft for the better I didn't have that distraction, so I can keep everyone here updated as the months progress, and family. Here is the scary kicker, my novitiate ( pending my physical and psy exam are good, and I am confident after my postulancy to want to go forward that is I know there is a real calling and the brothers vote me in ) would begin this year and before my birthday . Yikes. I am so glad Christ knows what He is doing, because I really have no clue what I am doing other than trying my best to follow Him. Lead, Follow, or get out of the way, I have gotten out of the way so long in life, I have followed all the wrong people too many times, and I know I am far from being able to lead anyone or anything. Though now I am forcing my problems out of my way by following Christ through the rule and leadership of St. Benedict, and I know I can persevere , I did that in the Army, an one day I will be stronger than I was back then; mentally, physically and spiritually; to help so many people in unseen ways through my prayers and letting Christ shine through me. Lastly a note on the brothers, they are wonderful, I have been told to be careful an patient cause lots of personalities under one roof an I am like where are they ? I have visited 3 times and haven't seen it, so less everyone is putting on an act for me and I doubt it, then I think all is well. Plus I am learning to just keep my mouth shut for the time being till I am certain of everyone and it makes it easier for people to get along with me when I am not constantly yapping and I assess the situation at hand to see the moods of those around me and who looks like might enjoy some conversation. I have become friends rather fast with a few of the brothers and I find it wonderful to have real friends for a change who care about me. I couldn't find a better group of men anywhere, and I am certain that i can over come any problems with ease should they ever arise because i am understanding myself better.
marigold Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 That's amazing news, superblue! Congratulations! When do you move in?
orapronobis Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hidden Content Hidden Content Okay I hit the spoiler thing twice cause I didn't know what it was.... nor how to really use it. My third visit with this Benedictine order as a vocations guest, is finally over ! And now I begin the Postulancy ! Pretty neat. It is so much to absorb. It is all very surreal; I have gone through so much in life in general, and who hasn't. To ride out so many brutal tough times in life, and trying so hard to be an extroverted person to realizing that is not who I am and that it is okay, and not a bad thing. To starting to finally take my relationship with Christ seriously, and my prayer life seriously, and to see my prayers for others being answered, and yet so terrified to pray for myself..... To now realizing I need to start praying for something I never realized I needed until now which is to be able to feel joy again. Right now my emotions are in a big state of confusion and flux. My depression i think plays a part in not understand what real joy feels like, so it is a new feeling in a way, but i am starting to understand what peace and calm is, and it is such a real blessing for me. I have so much in place for the upcoming move so I don't crash and burn emotionally , and this is in thanks to a top notch Vocations Director, who really cares about me. My depression I am battling the best I can and my fears of detaching from home. Which is crazy, I have done it before, an I think again the depression an anxiety are the reasons for it being an issue an why it is harder to break away from home emotionally this time around; and nothing is written in stone I can leave the postulancy any time an be like thanks but no thanks, but I think deep down I know this is the real deal an thus the bitter sweet feelings I am having at the moment. what I found wild is that they have access to the internet in the library, something I never even thought about asking about while I was there. I only found out the day I left an was like pft for the better I didn't have that distraction, so I can keep everyone here updated as the months progress, and family. Here is the scary kicker, my novitiate ( pending my physical and psy exam are good, and I am confident after my postulancy to want to go forward that is I know there is a real calling and the brothers vote me in ) would begin this year and before my birthday . Yikes. I am so glad Christ knows what He is doing, because I really have no clue what I am doing other than trying my best to follow Him. Lead, Follow, or get out of the way, I have gotten out of the way so long in life, I have followed all the wrong people too many times, and I know I am far from being able to lead anyone or anything. Though now I am forcing my problems out of my way by following Christ through the rule and leadership of St. Benedict, and I know I can persevere , I did that in the Army, an one day I will be stronger than I was back then; mentally, physically and spiritually; to help so many people in unseen ways through my prayers and letting Christ shine through me. Lastly a note on the brothers, they are wonderful, I have been told to be careful an patient cause lots of personalities under one roof an I am like where are they ? I have visited 3 times and haven't seen it, so less everyone is putting on an act for me and I doubt it, then I think all is well. Plus I am learning to just keep my mouth shut for the time being till I am certain of everyone and it makes it easier for people to get along with me when I am not constantly yapping and I assess the situation at hand to see the moods of those around me and who looks like might enjoy some conversation. I have become friends rather fast with a few of the brothers and I find it wonderful to have real friends for a change who care about me. I couldn't find a better group of men anywhere, and I am certain that i can over come any problems with ease should they ever arise Oh my gosh congratulations!!
superblue Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Ty, looks like some time early April at the moment, waiting on my application packet, and i'll have to move a bit fast ,this week with out waiting I can getting copies of school transcripts an my baptismal record, the autobio I am keeping simple I can probably get started on that too.. the medical exam is going to be a pain cause I have to find a clinic set an appointment. lots of good stuff ahead, my VD is being ordained in April an he would like me there to witness that , so I think we were talking around the third week in April. Something neat I also found while I was there, being Italian , well the area I am in is predominately Sicilian , so the celebrate St.Josephs' Altar , I never heard of it till now, what the kicker is, turns out I am a 4th generation Sicilian , and my mother knew of the tradition ! an I was like how come I am finding all this out now and why have we never celebrated it, we love to eat ! she just laughed, oh well. now I know. an the only word I know in Italian is estupido ( probably misspelt ) but my grandmother taught me that one by mistake as a kid. any how I shall keep posting updates here, no telling how this will go in the postulancy, I expect it will be fine, but not having a crystal ball I guess technically something could change things ( which is something I find odd, God calls us to a vocation, but candidates for seminary and even postulants sometimes end up discerning out, is that the person acting on their own free will to not follow a calling, or simply God / Christ calling the person else where, using that time to prepare the person for something else ) Thanks again to those who have prayed for me and I shall be around. Peace.
superblue Posted March 30, 2015 Author Posted March 30, 2015 Ty Theresa, I still have a lot of paper work to do in a short amount of time, so I am hustling and hope things will go well, they want to see my paper work before giving me a entrance date so that kind of makes me wonder what gives, but I am trying to remain calm and not let fear set in. It is weird seeing the difference between there an home, when I am at home I fall into the same poor habits, but when I am there I am active , and feel good, I enjoy praying with the brothers , I think my poor mother is stressing more about my entrance than I am to tell ya the truth, mainly because I have told so many people already that the abbot accepted me for the postulancy to then hear that they want to review my paper work first, but I think my faith in Christ is in the right place and that at the very least I will be in the postulancy this year. IF for some reason I miss their cut off date, I will have to wait till next year. I wouldn't enjoy that wait but I could handle it. anyhow I hope to keep everyone posted, and who knows what might happen, might even see a religious tag under my name some day.
Nunsense Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Ty Theresa, I still have a lot of paper work to do in a short amount of time, so I am hustling and hope things will go well, they want to see my paper work before giving me a entrance date so that kind of makes me wonder what gives, but I am trying to remain calm and not let fear set in. It is weird seeing the difference between there an home, when I am at home I fall into the same poor habits, but when I am there I am active , and feel good, I enjoy praying with the brothers , I think my poor mother is stressing more about my entrance than I am to tell ya the truth, mainly because I have told so many people already that the abbot accepted me for the postulancy to then hear that they want to review my paper work first, but I think my faith in Christ is in the right place and that at the very least I will be in the postulancy this year. IF for some reason I miss their cut off date, I will have to wait till next year. I wouldn't enjoy that wait but I could handle it. anyhow I hope to keep everyone posted, and who knows what might happen, might even see a religious tag under my name some day. We look forward to seeing the religious tag under your name too!
TheresaThoma Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Probably with the wait with the paperwork is making sure you can get it all in before your entrance date. From my experience in a communal setting inviting a new member to come and setting a date but then having to push off that date is hard on the community. Better to make sure everything is in order and then set a date.
TheresaThoma Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 It may also be like when one gets a job offer but pending reference and background checks. Try not to stress too much and enjoy this wonderful season of Triduum and into Easter.
superblue Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 UGH okay so I got a chunk of paper work done, and I finally got the results back from my psych exam so I can send that off tomorrow, I know most candidates do not get to view their results, but since this was on my dime I did, an it wasn't anything I don't already know... I just didn't like having to rehash the memories and really hope that this will not be a monkey wrench in the machine. So personally I think my chances of getting in this month ( April ) are not going to happen which is fine cause I have personal things to take care of, I just have to mail this off tomorrow, let my V.D mull it over an talk with the community/ abbot, and hopefully be given an entrance date for next month ( possibly this month but again I doubt it ) or next January ( which is fine too cause I mean what is the rush, they ain't going anywhere, and neither am I. ) I will be so surprised if I actually get to literally pack my bags and enter as a postulant, an if I do I have no doubt that I will actually be on the right path in life for once and be headed for solemn vows.
John Paul Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 GREAT NEWS! I have 2 questions: Willl you still be posting on here as a monk ? Do you like to pray the divine office ? I think its the best prayer in the world.
superblue Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 GREAT NEWS! I have 2 questions: Willl you still be posting on here as a monk ? Do you like to pray the divine office ? I think its the best prayer in the world. The Abbey does have internet access so I guess I would be able to ,others in the community use email / there is just less " free time " to actually be on the internet once in a community and I didn't miss the internet at all during my visits. The L.O.H / Divine Office is different from the version that the diocesan priesthood prays but I do enjoy praying it mainly because I am praying with the brothers in church for vigils,lauds,etc.. an there is the organ that is played so that enhances the moment and sometimes lay people in the community will stop by to participate or listen which is great too. For me I am still learning and picking up on the meaning of the psalms we pray an so I find myself pondering some of the prayers if not all of it while I am praying them. I really enjoy my personal time to pray on the monastery grounds, I found myself able to pray the rosary daily mainly because of the silence in the area and the privacy ( I get easily distracted so I appreciate having places from the chapels in the church to anywhere on the grounds to move around ) . I am looking forward to the postulancy because if I actually get in I will have more freedom to find spots in cloistered areas that was off limits to me before as a visitor so I wont have to always return to my room for lecto divina ( which is another form of prayer I need to practice because I find myself wanting to read an entire chapter instead of just focusing on one paragraph or text ) Peace
John Paul Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Divine Office and actually have the Benedictine Breviary for the LOTH.It is the original one St.Benedict aranged for the Psalms the 1962 Brevarium.Are you a marian guy or do you not really have a devotion to Mary.
superblue Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 well you are one step ahead of me if you have a Benedictine Breviary, an I actually completed the 33 Days to Morning Glory, so yes I guess I do have a devotion to Mary, I find myself praying small prayers throughout the week to the Blessed Mother , Christ, my patron saint, guardian angle, St.Michael, pretty much anyone in heaven who will give me the time of day. I need all the help I can get in life.
TheresaThoma Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Superblue a thought on the lexio. Maybe try just focusing on the readings for the day. Get a missal so you only have the readings there and not the whole chapter. I have found that helpful for my own lexio, I also found it helped me to stay focused in Mass because I had already spent time with the readings beforehand.
superblue Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 well, the Abbey now has all the required paper work as of today, and my V.D stated in an email that he will review with the Abbot, and I will be notified when they come up with something. I really wanted to include a statement with my psych exam an be like hey this was from two years ago, I have changed a entire bunch and for the better. so it is a relief that , this part is over, if they give me the go ahead then I just whip up a auto bio an bobs my uncle . I really do hope I hear back by some time Monday cause any later an I am going to start getting ants in my pantaloons.
marigold Posted April 12, 2015 Posted April 12, 2015 well, the Abbey now has all the required paper work as of today, and my V.D stated in an email that he will review with the Abbot, and I will be notified when they come up with something. I really wanted to include a statement with my psych exam an be like hey this was from two years ago, I have changed a entire bunch and for the better. so it is a relief that , this part is over, if they give me the go ahead then I just whip up a auto bio an bobs my uncle . I really do hope I hear back by some time Monday cause any later an I am going to start getting ants in my pantaloons. I hope you get an opportunity to talk about that, whether just informally or if you get to review your app together, before any decisions are set in stone. They seem pretty open-handed from what you've said so far. Fingers crossed for you
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