Sojourner Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 OK, so I have met several people in real life that I initially met online. Sometimes it has turned out better than others, but I think I have learned a few things over the years about how to do it in a smart way, even though I have not always been as smart as I should be with it. I figured, though, with so much young love in the air on PM these days, that it might be timely for those of us who have successfully met people through digital means to share our experiences and wisdom with others. People are not always what they seem, and it is only smart to put precautions in place so that you are not left without resources if things do not go the way you think they might. Here are my basic rules of thumb: 1) Always let someone responsible know who you are meeting, what time you are meeting, and where you are meeting. If you're under the age of 18, this definitely should be a parent. Otherwise, a trusted friend or three, a parent, a pastor, a professor, etc. On my first date with my husband, my best girlfriends knew when and where we were meeting, and they had all the information on him that I had. And, we'd arranged ahead of time to call an hour into the date so that I could tell them whether he was a crazy stalker. 2) Arrange to meet in a public place or with other people around. Restaurants, churches, museums, etc., are all good places to meet for the first time. 3) Have your own transportation or easy access to transportation. 4) Have your cell phone with you, fully charged. 5) Be careful about the personal information you share. I think it is reasonable to give out phone numbers, and may be reasonable to give out home address. My husband gave me all his pertinent info and asked that I not give mine. He wanted me to be able to check him out, but still be protected. I found that incredibly respectful and thoughtful. 6) Carry extra cash in case you need it. I think that pretty much covers it. When you meet someone and talk to them online or on the phone, it can be easy to let down your inhibitions and feel like you "know" someone. And you might. But until you meet in person and spend extended time together, you can't really "know" someone. Taking precautions like this, whether in meeting new friends in real life or in meeting a new romantic interest, doesn't reflect poorly on you or on what you think of the person you're meeting. Instead, it reflects that you're mature enough to recognize that the world is not all filled with fairies and unicorns, and that your well-being is important to people other than yourself. Any other thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus te Amat Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Great advice. I agree on all counts. Meeting people that you met online is certainly an interesting experience. NazFarmer and I talked online for 2-3 years before we met in person (we go to the same university), and we were just as crazy in real life as we were when we talked online. Still are, actually. When we hang out 1) no homework gets done, and 2) we like to count the number of strange looks people give us. But when we met, I wanted to make sure he wasn't a creeper, and so we found each other amidst a hundred other freshman. My best friend and I first met on facebook (through our class group) and talked on there for a month before starting school. We hit it off amazingly in person, but some of the other people we talked to online turned out to be stranger than their online personas showed. Meeting people can be a sketchy thing. Whenever I've met someone in person that I've met online, I've always made sure there are people around, and I have a backup plan, or two, to fall back on. One of the most interesting experiences I've had was when I met one of the sisters that posts in the Vocation Station. She mentioned that she was going to be at WYD, and I jokingly said that I'd look for her there. When we met outside of Mass one day, and I introduced myself, she about fell over. It made for an interesting story when she came to visit my campus this fall. Again, don't give out too much information. Especially if you're a girl, don't give your last name or address unless you have been talking for a long while and haven't had any negative clues. If you're underage, always check with your parents first, make sure they know what you're up to on the internet. Cyberspace can be a scary place. Oh, and make sure you get enough sleep before hand. FQI can attest to how being groggy can make meeting an interesting experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 +J.M.J.+ every phatmasser i've met has been at national conferences. at the phatmass booth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 +J.M.J.+ oh, if you're underage, make sure your parents are okay with making plans and meeting someone from online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) [quote name='Lil Red' post='1919520' date='Jul 14 2009, 11:51 AM']+J.M.J.+ every phatmasser i've met has been at national conferences. at the phatmass booth. [/quote] I think that's a great example of places you can meet people safely. [quote name='Lil Red' post='1919521' date='Jul 14 2009, 11:53 AM']+J.M.J.+ oh, if you're underage, make sure your parents are okay with making plans and meeting someone from online.[/quote] I think it's the only respectful way to handle it. In fact, I might go so far as to say that not getting your parents' approval in such a situation could well be a violation of the Fourth Commandment. Edited July 14, 2009 by Terra Firma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 [quote name='Terra Firma' post='1919540' date='Jul 14 2009, 10:04 AM']I think it's the only respectful way to handle it. In fact, I might go so far as to say that not getting your parents' approval in such a situation could well be a violation of the Fourth Commandment.[/quote] +J.M.J.+ agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Ditto. I always brought my husband when I've met Phatmassers or others we met online. We don't do it anymore though, because my kids are now of the age that I would rather be consistant with the "no meeting people you meet online" rule. In this case, I would rather just NOT meet people rather than explain that they should do as I say, not as I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proud2BCatholic139 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I have watched too many lifetime movies. I'm so glad I did!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I met my husband on line. I did a whole criminal back ground check on him before going to visit. He did the same to me. I also made sure I had a safe place to stay during my visit, a widow from his church who owned a Catholic book store. I guess the bus depot was a public enough place, and I could have hopped back on the bus if I needed to, but after being on buses for 5 straight days to get there, I probably would have left with Ted Bundy rather than get right back on the thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1919609' date='Jul 14 2009, 01:08 PM']I met my husband on line. I did a whole criminal back ground check on him before going to visit. He did the same to me. I also made sure I had a safe place to stay during my visit, a widow from his church who owned a Catholic book store. I guess the bus depot was a public enough place, and I could have hopped back on the bus if I needed to, but after being on buses for 5 straight days to get there, I probably would have left with Ted Bundy rather than get right back on the thing.[/quote] I totally understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 5 days on a Greyhound will cure anyone of their fear of flying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I pretty much always meet online friends at big group gatherings. If nothing else, it's less pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resurrexi Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 (edited) Everyone whom I've ever intentionally met from online I met at an EF Mass. I have unknowingly ran into a Phatmasser at someplace other than the EF before, though. Edited July 14, 2009 by Resurrexi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1919694' date='Jul 14 2009, 01:48 PM']5 days on a Greyhound will cure anyone of their fear of flying.[/quote] Before I met him, HSdad and a college buddy of his took the bus from Wisconsin to Acapulco for spring break. It was Greyhound on the US side and something else on the Mexican side. I think by the time they got back on Greyhound, it was looking preeeeeetty spiffy. [quote name='Resurrexi' post='1919706' date='Jul 14 2009, 01:57 PM']Everyone whom I've ever intentionally met from online I met at an EF Mass. I have unknowingly ran into a Phatmasser at someplace other than the EF before, though.[/quote] Resists. urge. Don't. do. it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VoTeckam Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 [quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1919725' date='Jul 14 2009, 03:29 PM']Resists. urge. Don't. do. it.[/quote] [ To be chanted like a frat boy] Do it. Do it. Do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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