I'm Sick Of Pretty People.

[Lisieux Flower]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1941143' date='Aug 5 2009, 11:05 AM']That book sounds interesting

Can I throw a question out there?
One the one hand we hear all this (I don't mean to sound dismissive if it comes across that way) about how everyone is beautiful, is loved by God, and so on. But on the other some really do need to [i]change[/i] - their bodies, attitude, whatever.

To me these are two opposing things. One says "As you are, you're beautiful, God loves you" and the other says "You have to change," implying that what you are now isn't good enough.

Am I being dense? How can we bring the two together?[/quote]

Yeah! I totally see what you're saying! I think that we have a lot of wounds that we definitely need to fix and heal from. Some try to hide their wounds, ignore them, and find comfort in food/smoking/bad attention from guys, but we definitely to recognize the bad relationships and hurt we've acquired and not only heal from them but grow stronger because of them. Recognizing the beauty within yourself doesn't mean that you are perfect as you are. No one is perfect, of course, but God. What matters though when we change and become better people are the standards that we use. I think that unfortunately many times we use society's standards of skinny, long hair, tan, white teeth, perfect clothes to try to better ourselves, instead of using God's standards. I don't want to be lame, but I really think those are the virtues, the moral excellences. We grow in those so we can better radiate God's beauty. Like look at Mother Teresa. Towards the end of her life she didn't look like a beauty queen or anything, but she was so virtuous and definitely [i]radiated [/i]God's beauty. We definitely should change and grow into better people, but I think we need to start by recognizing the beauty we already possess and stop chasing after these standards that don't actually matter.

It's SO hard. Our society, friends, family... everyone puts so much emphasis on this ridiculous standard of beauty. My whole life I have been trying to live up to it. We need to stop though and look at the beauty we already possess.

[she_who_is_not]

I think it is really indicative of our "culture of death" that the image of an ideal woman is that of a girl.

When I started graduate school, I was really distracted by the presence of thin. tan, perfectly coiffed women walking all over campus. I felt fat for the first time in my life. Then I realized that I can't compare myself to 18 year-old girls anymore.

I am a woman in the prime of my child-bearing years. My hips and breasts have grown fuller for a reason. I look awful if I don't get enough sleep for a reason. I go months between haircuts because between work and school it is virtually impossible to find the time. I'm blessed to get out of the house in anything clean. I know that my contemporaries who are bearing and raising children have even more difficulty living up to the ideal.

It is really troubling to see women who are at their most beautiful feeling discouraged about their bodies. Instead of embracing the beauty of our womanhood and celebrating our accomplishments we mourn a past that is impossible to replicate.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Lisieux Flower' post='1941175' date='Aug 5 2009, 05:40 PM']Yeah! I totally see what you're saying! I think that we have a lot of wounds that we definitely need to fix and heal from. Some try to hide their wounds, ignore them, and find comfort in food/smoking/bad attention from guys, but we definitely to recognize the bad relationships and hurt we've acquired and not only heal from them but grow stronger because of them. Recognizing the beauty within yourself doesn't mean that you are perfect as you are. No one is perfect, of course, but God. What matters though when we change and become better people are the standards that we use. I think that unfortunately many times we use society's standards of skinny, long hair, tan, white teeth, perfect clothes to try to better ourselves, instead of using God's standards. I don't want to be lame, but I really think those are the virtues, the moral excellences. We grow in those so we can better radiate God's beauty. Like look at Mother Teresa. Towards the end of her life she didn't look like a beauty queen or anything, but she was so virtuous and definitely [i]radiated [/i]God's beauty. We definitely should change and grow into better people, but I think we need to start by recognizing the beauty we already possess and stop chasing after these standards that don't actually matter.

It's SO hard. Our society, friends, family... everyone puts so much emphasis on this ridiculous standard of beauty. My whole life I have been trying to live up to it. We need to stop though and look at the beauty we already possess.[/quote]

Is it ok if I PM you?

[Lisieux Flower]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1941183' date='Aug 5 2009, 11:50 AM']Is it ok if I PM you? [/quote]

Absolutely!

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lisieux Flower' post='1941122' date='Aug 5 2009, 11:34 AM']Oh my goodness! This breaks my heart. We shouldn't be looking at these "beautiful" people and saying that at least they might hate their own looks or have bad personalities. We women should be recognizing the beauty within ourselves. It sounds cheesy but its so true! We are each SO beautiful.[/quote]


You missed my point, most " beautiful" women do not see themselves as beautiful, and being "beautiful" is no guarentee of happiness, good self-esteem or anything else. It is true that Beauty in and of it self means nothing, it is one's character that counts.
But it is also silly to assert we are all beautiful because we are not, most of us are simply average people and the product of our ancestors and environment. Its ok to be average.

[Ash Wednesday]

We all become wrinkled hags in the end anyway.

[rachael]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1941222' date='Aug 5 2009, 01:47 PM']We all become wrinkled hags in the end anyway. [/quote]
speaking from experience?

[Deus te Amat]

[i]Captivating[/i] changed my life. I'd reread now, but I gave it to my old roomie when she withdrew. It's one of those books you just want to give to every young girl you see.

[puellapaschalis]

This afternoon I read a load of reviews which said that it presented a really unbiblical view of women. Now I'm all confused whether to get it.

[Deus te Amat]

It's written by a protestant couple. There are obviously some slightly stretches, but from a Catholic perspective, it really portrays women in a unique and special light. I didn't read it specifically for spiritual development, I read it so I could help myself break free from the stereotypical chains of the world, to get over my struggle of letting go of my past,... and once free, I was able to accept myself and THEN focus on my spiritual walk with God. The book helped me focus on what is really important. Too often spiritual development is hindered because we cannot let go. The book helped me to let go part of me that hated myself, to instead learn to love myself.


I don't know if that makes sense.


Also, this might have more weight than what I just said, but the book comes highly recommended by a Deacon friend of mine and his wife. They are a really spiritual and blessed couple. He works a lot with vocations in my diocese.

[princessgianna]

Ok so you see these "pretty people" they walk and smile and buy alot of gorogus exspansive clothes. But think about what you don't see! They spend their enire life on their looks! They wake up in the morning and spend an hour on gettting dressed. It's insane. I got ths "beauty secrets" book and it is actaully quite fascinationing though by the same token -when do you stop and enjoy life. I know it is really tough Kitty! And I have the exact feelings!

I will admit that I sometimes try to strive for that "image of perfection " and for me it's a constant battle to being pretty and taking care of myself to stop obessing AND HAVE FUN! Life is short! This is your shot! I have to daily remind myself that it's ok if my hair isn't perfect! This also goes in line with what I eat. I like food but I don't want to be overweight but then again every once in a while eating a large extra veggie Imo's pizza with your siblings isn't gona kill you~! Or eating dessert!

Life is a balance. I have spent most of my life and will spend it- striving to find that balance. There is NOTHING wrong with taking care of your self though once you start hating yourself and feel like you have wear 5 pounds of make up just to buy a gallon of milk- I say there is an issue. If you can 't accept yourself how can you expect others to accept you.

Honestly it's nice to hear that other people have the same issue I do. Being with another person is always nice.




[quote name='jiyoung' post='1941042' date='Aug 5 2009, 02:09 AM']Yeah...me too. But life goes on, and looks aren't everything--cliche, perhaps, but still true.

You should probably be aware that a lot of these beautiful people--well, women anyway--still look in a mirror and hate themselves, and wish they could change this or that or the other thing. It's sort of all in our own perception.[/quote]
Which is so amazing. How many people look at you and think "wow she is so pretty!! Why am I not"? And you are looking at them and thinking the same thing!

[quote name='Deus_te_Amat' post='1941243' date='Aug 5 2009, 01:39 PM'][i]Captivating[/i] changed my life. I'd reread now, but I gave it to my old roomie when she withdrew. It's one of those books you just want to give to every young girl you see.[/quote]
I am going to have to read that book!

[Kaeldra]

Don't be so down on yourself or on pretty people. I'm a photographer, and I have to say, sometimes people who aren't the mainstream definition of 'pretty' are my favorite people to photograph. Beauty is so subjective, but EVERYONE has something beautiful about them, physically,mentally and spiritually. As for trying to be attractive, I know it's cliche, but confidence is sexy.

[Kaeldra]

ps Kitty I just saw your personal photo... and if that's you, I dont know why you're complaining, you're really pretty!!

[Arpy]

FWIW, I generally find holiness more attractive than looks. And like Kaeldra said, everyone has something beautiful about them.

[Deus te Amat]

I just want to add that the book plants thoughts and ideas that can really be thought about and mean 100 more fold when taken in account with Scripture.