FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 VSers love their drama too. I have seen those threads that get locked. Y'all are wack. :| Lol, that was my point. I left VS months ago. The drama was one of the many reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augusta Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 There are two sides to the coin. What I think the virgins seeking virgins are saying is. "I don't want to invest my time in someone who has been romantically, emotinally and sexually attached to another becuase I want for us to give this gift to eachother" What I think many people express is: Why hold my mistake, or others mistakes against me/them What I believe is that in marriage two people sholder eachother's burdans. In essance someone's past and sins become your own. Lets say that there was a woman who was in her late 40's, dating a man who was in his late 40's when the possiblity of children was very small. The man had 3 disabled adult nieces who were the children of his much older brother who he was expected to care for. The woman would be within her right to say, I do not think that my ability to handle things extends to your 3 disabled nieces. No one would blame her for this judgment...some would find her callous, but expecting her to take on the burdan is not reasonable. Hopefully, the man will find a woman who is willing, but why should the woman be told she is "bad" for not wanting to take on the burdans? This addresses partially what my friend feels. Her religious education (including the "chastity talks") have left a certain perspective with her. The term "temporal consequences" comes to mind. What I find interesting (and notable) is that the sensitivity non-virgins have to being rejected (or just the discussion of it) immediately reflects "temporal consequences" in my friend's mind. I think there is also some aspect that is emotionally painful to her; I cannot see why someone should marry another who's past actions cause them emotional pain. It seems imprudent and really quite nonsensical. -AK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Augusta, you have not introduced yourself to us yet. :) Tell us all about yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augusta Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 If it makes you feel any better, these threads usually Ho downhill so fast that the get closed, so you probably won't have to endure it for long. I was a virgin, my husband wasn't. I didn't expect him to be either. It would have been cool if he had been, but he wasn't. It didn't make him defective, or non-marry able. He also has Schizophrenia. That also wasn't a deal-breaker. Now if he had been a smoker, forget about it. Is someone allowed to reject a person because of a mental illness? What are they allowed to reject people on? What criteria do you think are appropriate, and which are not? (In your opinion, that is.) -AK To be fair to Augusta, I think the assumption here is that he is arguing like Norseman, and I am not sure that is entirely fair. I am finding him slightly disagreeable, but I think he is here essentially with good intentions. ETA: I also think he is overreacting somewhat to critiques. :) I'm a women. And I'm here for someone else. -AK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Augusta, thanks for your reply. I think I understand more of the situation now. It's sad that your friends are treating your other friend like that. It's not fair or Christian. I want to make one point that I think is crucial here, though. There is a BIG difference between saying "I would like to marry a virgin." and "If they're not a virgin, I won't even consider it." One is a preference, and the other is shutting the door on good people who have made mistakes. At the very least, it's my belief that everyone deserves a fair chance. I think Jesus loved that way. To pass over someone without getting to know them on the sole basis of their sexual status seems presumptive. Again, that's just my feeling. It's as if the thought is, "Oh, you're not a virgin? I'm sorry. You don't qualify to be with me anymore." Note: I am NOT trying to be mean here and my intentions are pure. I am just explaining what that feels like from the position of the person who has sinned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I'm a women. And I'm here for someone else. -AK Neat. Tell us more. :bounce: Debates are more fun when you know the person with whom you are debating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augusta Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Neat. Tell us more. :bounce: Debates are more fun when you know the person with whom you are debating. I'm not debating. I'm also stopping for a bit. I need people to read my replies before responding or posting something. Many have completely ignored everything I've said and simply posted what appears to be a "standard response." Also, I've explained a bit about myself in the original post. It seems everyone has pretended not to have read it... @Hasan: Several of your comments are really quite crude. They border on hateful. Are you mocking or trolling? -AK Edited January 29, 2013 by Augusta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I'm not debating. I'm also stopping for a bit. I need people to read my replies before responding or posting something. Many have completely ignored everything I've said and simply posted what appears to be a "standard response." @Hasan: Several of your comments are really quite crude. They border on hateful. Are you mocking or trolling? -AK Ok, pretend I said "discussing" instead. :smile3: Hasan is a troll, but he is a pretty friendly one, so ignore him. Then if you mock him mercilessly sometime later on you will earn his respect. Trial by fire and all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Not everyone here believes the same thing. Try to take things with a grain of salt on here. p.s. A little kindness and charity goes a long, long way, even if they don't return the favor. Defensiveness breeds defensiveness. Edited January 29, 2013 by MissyP89 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 @Hasan: Several of your comments are really quite crude. They border on hateful. Are you mocking or trolling? -AK I find this comment borderline hateful. I have reported you to the mods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Augusta, thanks for your reply. I think I understand more of the situation now. It's sad that your friends are treating your other friend like that. It's not fair or Christian. I want to make one point that I think is crucial here, though. There is a BIG difference between saying "I would like to marry a virgin." and "If they're not a virgin, I won't even consider it." One is a preference, and the other is shutting the door on good people who have made mistakes. At the very least, it's my belief that everyone deserves a fair chance. I think Jesus loved that way. To pass over someone without getting to know them on the sole basis of their sexual status seems presumptive. Again, that's just my feeling. It's as if the thought is, "Oh, you're not a virgin? I'm sorry. You don't qualify to be with me anymore." Note: I am NOT trying to be mean here and my intentions are pure. I am just explaining what that feels like from the position of the person who has sinned. out of props, but i'm totally propping this. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I find this comment borderline hateful. I have reported you to the mods. I find this comment borderline butthurt. I have reported you to the Babby Brigade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 out of props, but i'm totally propping this. :) I love you too, babe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I find this comment borderline butthurt. I have reported you to the Babby Brigade. :pinch: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 So Augusta... what I am getting out of this is that there is some reason that your friend only wants a virgin, but it is a totally great Christian reason...but what is it?? And I agree that it is TERRIBLE that people would pray that she never finds someone, even if they question her motives, they are judging someone for perceived judging???? That's just silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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