Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 well i mean not soley on your own will. God wills all things we desire that are good,scripture says so, the hard thing is discerning whether or not what we desire is good for us. Sometimes what is good for us isn't so cut and dry, and if your thinking well the orthodox in me says well i must marry a virgin, prodigals and lost sheep have always played a part in the holy catholic church. And i'm not arguing that sex is better left untill after marriage for many reasons.
CatholicsAreKewl Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You might be right. :) I literally just took a class on canon law, and we spent a lot of time on marriage and annulment rules, and tricking someone into marriage by lying about something important is potential grounds for annulment, but it depends on what the lied-about thing is and what other factors are included in the case. I don't think something like virginity would be enough, because it doesn't have to do with the essential elements of marriage or the ability to consent (lying about wanting kids, lying about previous marriage, lying about mental illness, etc, are all grounds). But all the same, that's why I said "BEFORE" the wedding, instead of after. :) Just in case. I heard a rumor that one can annul a marriage if his/her partner is barren. Is that true?
arfink Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I heard a rumor that one can annul a marriage if his/her partner is barren. Is that true? Only sort of. If you have had your tubes tied or some such (which is normally an impediment to marriage) and conceal it, then yes. Otherwise, no.
Maggyie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Virginity issues aside, as a general note I find this statement to be very sad from a Catholic/Christian perspective. Jesus said something about where your heart is, there your treasure lies. It's very interesting to see where many Catholics' hearts are when seeking a spouse. The passage about "where your heart is, there your treasure will be," was the gospel we chose for our Nuptial Mass! I love it and my husband and I read it to each other all the time :) What I mean is that just because someone is a "good person" - kind, nice to babies and animals, striving for holiness - does not mean they would make a good spouse. I knew a lot of these types of guys in my unmarried days. Many of them in spite of being catechized Catholics had distorted ideas about sexuality that they would have brought into the marriage. While maybe it's mostly down to maturity issues... honestly, some of them needed secular therapy IMO. One of my few IRL Catholic friends married one of these gentlemen who has a lot of problems with guilt and shame and it has affected their marriage very badly. To the point that it was technically an unconsummated marriage for several months. That part has been solved, but now she is noticing how his attitude affects how he treats her and it's chipping away at her self esteem.
Jesus_lol Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 OP, some of the members here would meet your requirements i think. Norseman has been waiting decades for you, faithfully. And he likes long walks on the beach, and pina coladas.
Basilisa Marie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I heard a rumor that one can annul a marriage if his/her partner is barren. Is that true? No. Infertility is not an "impediment" to marriage. Impotence is an impediment to marriage (Inability to have vaginal intercourse - my professor went into clinical detail of what is required, but I'm going to spare you the details - PM me if you feel like you need to know). Like Arfink said, there are basically two ways infertility becomes grounds for a declaration of annulment. The first is if you know you are infertile and you conceal it from your spouse, because you weren't being honest with him or her about an important issue and therefore they were unable to make an informed decision about marrying you. Same thing would apply to serious mental illness, being in a previous marriage, not being baptized, etc. Basically it has to be something important that would have a serious effect on the marriage. Like I said earlier in the thread, I don't think virginity counts, but others might think differently. Now, if you don't know you're infertile and find out later, that's not grounds for an annulment. It's just part of the "for better or for worse." The second is if you are fertile at the time of marriage, but fully intend to get surgically sterilized after the wedding, and therefore you're not being open to life. The key is at the time of the wedding - so if I decided later on after the wedding that I wanted to get sterilized, but hadn't intended on it at the time I "consented" during the exchange of vows, I wouldn't have grounds for an annulment. Make sense? One more thing - an annulment is a declaration that a valid marriage never actually took place. It's different from a divorce (civil divorce) or dissolution of the bond, which is a special power the pope has for very special cases. You might already know that, but I just want to be clear for the lurkers. :)
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Please don't tell me that you wouldn't marry a girl who was raped. That is horrifying.
Norseman82 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Norseman has been waiting decades for you, faithfully. And he likes long walks on the beach, and pina coladas. As my late aunt would say,"Ja cie chlasnie". :smile3: Now, if OP were a Polskaserce, I have an extra Shoei, jacket, and gloves for her to use on the back of the bike (that is, if she doesn't have her one of her own, like the Górala who broke up with me to enter the religious community), Edited July 21, 2013 by Norseman82
arfink Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 That's a pretty rude thing to call a lady, even if she did break up with you.
ContemporaryCaflicCrusader Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 No worries, we can all have confidence that our future spouse as God intended was aborted or wasted in a conjagal act strictly used for unitive purposes. Just trying to give a positive outlook on things. :thumbsup: (It's usually that is the mentality you have you do find him/her, known multiple cases of that, but then again, we lost a third of our generation; that's a !@#$ load of future spouses.)
Norseman82 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 That's a pretty rude thing to call a lady, even if she did break up with you. I said "Górala", not "gorilla". "Górala" is the feminine form of "Góral", which refers to Polish Highlanders from the southern mountain part of Poland.
Norseman82 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 No worries, we can all have confidence that our future spouse as God intended was aborted or wasted in a conjagal act strictly used for unitive purposes. Just trying to give a positive outlook on things. :thumbsup: (It's usually that is the mentality you have you do find him/her, known multiple cases of that, but then again, we lost a third of our generation; That's actually a very good observation...
Noel's angel Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Wait...I'm confused...did someone actually say they wouldn't marry a girl who had lost her virginity through rape?
BG45 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Things I have learned in this thread: BG45 is a dude. Not sure how I should take this... :P Wait...I'm confused...did someone actually say they wouldn't marry a girl who had lost her virginity through rape? I don't think anyone said that, I think it's just that things became hard to track when Hitler entered the equation.
havok579257 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Wait...I'm confused...did someone actually say they wouldn't marry a girl who had lost her virginity through rape? the op said he would not marry a women who was vaginally raped. he said if she was molested but not vaginally raped then he would consider marrying her but any vaginal rape and he would not even consider it. Apparently its the women's fault she would not be his version of a virgin when they married. So simple solution, women just need to stop getting raped. Easy enough.
Anastasia13 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Not sure how I should take this... :P It's ok. Some people thought I was a dude. Who knows... maybe some still do/will again. Either way, I still look good in a dress.
Basilisa Marie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) No worries, we can all have confidence that our future spouse as God intended was aborted or wasted in a conjagal act strictly used for unitive purposes. Just trying to give a positive outlook on things. :thumbsup: (It's usually that is the mentality you have you do find him/her, known multiple cases of that, but then again, we lost a third of our generation; that's a !@#$ load of future spouses.) False. God doesn't pick out our spouses; there's no such thing as a "one true love soul mate destined and set aside for me by God." :) There are multiple people with whom you can have a holy marriage, which underscores the idea that marriage is about consent, about choice, and working to live up to that choice and making the marriage work. It's fine to talk about "my future spouse" or "my future wife is out there somewhere," but not in the sense that there's only one person "meant" for you and if you don't find him or her you're out of luck forever. Karl Keating had to tell his apologists to stop spreading that idea around. :) Edit: WAIT. You're probably being sarcastic. Derp. Nevermind then. This is what happens when I phatmass before my morning coffee. :P Edited July 21, 2013 by Basilisa Marie
Lil Red Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 False. God doesn't pick out our spouses; there's no such thing as a "one true love soul mate destined and set aside for me by God." :) There are multiple people with whom you can have a holy marriage, which underscores the idea that marriage is about consent, about choice, and working to live up to that choice and making the marriage work. It's fine to talk about "my future spouse" or "my future wife is out there somewhere," but not in the sense that there's only one person "meant" for you and if you don't find him or her you're out of luck forever. Karl Keating had to tell his apologists to stop spreading that idea around. :) Edit: WAIT. You're probably being sarcastic. Derp. Nevermind then. This is what happens when I phatmass before my morning coffee. :P rofl. i love everything about this post. :)
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