apparent Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I wonder if raising my kids in the traditional way was worth all the grief. Of my four grown up offspring two (in college) have no appreciation of the way or in my opinion blessing they enjoyed growing up with there mom there 24/7. I admit working two jobs didn’t allow much time to be there for them, but my wife made up for that (I thought). Maybe I should have hired babysitters and let the wife work, we would have had a lot more luxuries, a college fund, and could have vacationed (Disneyland), and something we hardly ever did by the way. I really think our lifestyle choice was a mistake.
apparent Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 I wonder if raising my kids in the traditional way was worth all the grief. Of my four grown up offspring two (in college) have no appreciation of the way or in my opinion blessing they enjoyed growing up with there mom there 24/7. They are resentful and angry because of my (perceived) hardness. I admit working two jobs didn’t allow much time to be there for them, but my wife made up for that (I thought). Maybe I should have hired babysitters and let the wife work, we would have had a lot more luxuries, a college fund, and could have vacationed (Disneyland), and something we hardly ever did by the way. I really think our lifestyle choice was a mistake.
prose Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Nope. It wasn't. You just feel that way right now. I know that isn't much consolation, but I GUARANTEE you that your family is better because of your choices.
blovedwolfofgod Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 children are like chili. you complete the chili, and it tastes good. but if you let it sit in the refrigerator for two days, its tastes even better. so, my point is, maybe they will appreciate you more later. i didnt really appreciate family until about 3-4 years into college, when i barely spoke to them... ever, going months at a time without a word.
Jaime Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 My personal opinion is that the greatest achievement and contribution anyone can make to society is to produce children. After all it is the primary goal of any society to grow so you're adding to that. If you think the investment you've made (I would suggest investment over sacrifice but that's your call) did not yield the return you anticipated, that's up to you. But I think there's quite a few folks that wish they could stay at home with their children. And Catholic is spelled with an "o"
apparent Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 [quote name='blovedwolfofgod' post='1447551' date='Jan 18 2008, 06:49 PM']children are like chili. you complete the chili, and it tastes good. but if you let it sit in the refrigerator for two days, its tastes even better. so, my point is, maybe they will appreciate you more later. i didnt really appreciate family until about 3-4 years into college, when i barely spoke to them... ever, going months at a time without a word.[/quote] what changed your heart?
CatherineM Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 My mom was a stay at home mom, and I know that we would have had a lot more "things" if she had worked, but when I grew up, finally, I realized that I was given a rare gift. When I was raising my foster sons, I was grateful to be in a position to stay home with them. We also did without a lot of "wants" but they had all of their "needs" taken care of. I was the only mom home during the afternoon in our apartment complex that had at times as many as 30 latch key kids. I had to take care of a bunch of owies and kids who locked themselves out or were just scared by a storm. I never had one say that they wished their moms would spend more time at work. I have comforted kids at little league who cried that their dads could never come watch them play. There is going to come a time when your kids are older, and have to make these hard decisions for their own kids, and then they will understand and appreciate the decision you and your wife made. There comes a point in everyone's life when they realize that their parents did the best job that they were capable of under the circumstances. Mine are 22 and 19, and they are so busy with living their own lives that they don't have time to stop and think about anything but themselves. I don't expect that to change any time soon, but I know eventually it will. The first time they hear themselves tell their kids something that they hated hearing me tell them, and swore they would never say, that's when it happens.
Ash Wednesday Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) I was raised in the traditional way with a strict father. I resented the fact that on the weekends we had to do work and chores. We couldn't just hang out and watch television like most kids. My mother stayed home with us as well. A lot of that wasn't by choice, she couldn't get a job related to her particular field in our small town. My cousins felt sorry for us because "our dad was so mean." Growing up I wished things were different, I wished that I could have had more clothes or gone more places, but as I got older I realized I had money management skills and work ethic that my peers didn't have. You did what you thought was right, and if they can't appreciate that, then it's their problem. I think there comes a point where people need to stop blaming their parents and get over it. They will probably come to view things a LOT differently when they lose one or both parents, and become parents themselves. (May it be latter before the sooner!) Edited January 19, 2008 by Ash Wednesday
Adrestia Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Give them time. The fact that you are even worrying about this is an indication that you are probably a better dad than you think you were.
HeavenlyCalling Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) My mom is a stay at home mom who homeschools me. I could never have asked for anything better than to have her here with me. By the way, what does your wife think of this? Edited January 19, 2008 by HeavenlyCalling
apparent Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 [quote name='HeavenlyCalling' post='1447576' date='Jan 18 2008, 09:13 PM']My mom is a stay at home mom who homeschools me. I could never have asked for anything better than to have her here with me. By the way, what does your wife think of this?[/quote] not good, awful, devastated, heartbroken, depressed, and no fun at Christmas time (like it use to be)
Didacus Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I never appreciated my mother until I started a family of my own. Now that I know what it means to give your life to your children, I know my mother is saint.
Deb Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 My mom was a stay at home mom with five kids, one handicapped. I loved coming home after school and mom would have fresh made donuts that she made after she baked bread. Family meals every night. My family was not exactly harmonious and we are all a tad dysfunctional but, I can't even imagine what we would be like if we hadn't had a parent home with us. My relationship with my parents did not get tight until I was probably in my thirties so, give your kids some time.
fides quarens intellectum Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 between this one and the treat-marriage-as-a-vocation thread, i'd just like to give a shout-out to all the good Catholic parents out there, and say thanks.
Brigid Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 my mom did her best to stay at home the whole time my brothers and I were growing up. when money was tight, she picked up a job in the evening that started after my dad got home from work. right now she's working at my brother's grade school, so she has breaks the same time we do. I am so grateful that she's worked so hard to stay with us! I love having her around and talking to her and being close to her.
Archaeology cat Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 [quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1447571' date='Jan 19 2008, 12:44 AM']I realized I had money management skills and work ethic that my peers didn't have.[/quote] Yep. We always had to do the chores on the weekend as well. While I didn't appreciate that at the time, I did once I started working and going to college and everything. I think those skills have served me well as I've started a family of my own. My mother stayed at home until I was 8 (I'm the youngest), and I definitely appreciated having her home when I got home from school, and in the summers. I love that I'm able to work on my PhD from home so that I don't have to miss any time with Kieran. I can only hope that I'll be able to work from home throughout, as I want to be a stay at home mom.
Ash Wednesday Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 apparent I am lifting your family up in my rosary today.
Dismas Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 My mom was stay-at-home. Sure, I bellyached about not having the things that the other kids had, but I always had enough. Someone once told me that children don't awaken their sense of responsibility until they are at least 25. Then they find out what their parents really gave them. That's about the time I started really appreciating my parents.
apparent Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 [quote name='Dismas' post='1447728' date='Jan 19 2008, 10:01 AM']My mom was stay-at-home. Sure, I bellyached about not having the things that the other kids had, but I always had enough. Someone once told me that children don't awaken their sense of responsibility until they are at least 25. Then they find out what their parents really gave them. That's about the time I started really appreciating my parents.[/quote] Be it ever so humble there is no place like home Family is everything, that’s why I lament. P.S.: Thanks for the payers, Ash Wednesday
cmotherofpirl Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 [quote name='apparent' post='1447741' date='Jan 19 2008, 11:06 AM']Be it ever so humble there is no place like home Family is everything, that’s why I lament. P.S.: Thanks for the payers, Ash Wednesday[/quote] THey won't appreciate it until the start their own families. Be happy they are involved in their own lives and are functional adults in the making. Our job as parents are to give them wings and teach them how to use them. Appreciation appears much much later in the scheme of things, so if you are looking for gratitude you got a long way to go. Be happy that they are happy, and work on your own interests awhile. Once marriage and grandbabies arrive you will get more than enough gratitude for your efforts than you can imagine now. To everything there is a season and a time and purpose under heaven. This is the time to watch them learn to fly. cmom mum to a 25, 22, 20 extra mum to a 26, 24, 22, 21, 12
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