More On P0Rn

[MissyP89]

You wrote, DB, that if you hadn't said anything ... if you had just said "I haven't had sex in five years," we'd applaud you. And you're right. That's amesome.

But because God is always calling us to take that next step, to become a little more holy, we're going to call you out. If someone sins, we need to help them get right and find mercy.

I would expect you to do the same for me, or for any of us. Sexual sin messes up the entire person ... it wounds who you are. I've been there, and I don't ever want to see someone else in that place.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321589501' post='2337777']
Ok you're taking me wrong. I think maturbation is a grave sin anf wrong. We agree. All I'm saying let's be real about it. Guys masturbate. When I go confesss this sin and a priest says its not even a sin and I'm not culpable (sp) that's saying something. Yettt I agree with the churches teachings and I'm saying I think masturbatiion is wrong. But just because a guy does and struggles with it at a young age I don't think that necessarily means that he is unchaste if he isn't having sex and fornicating. I guarentee priest and religious guys in there 30's and younger struggle with this sin. Its hormones and stuff like that. There is A HUGE difference in going out and being sexually active and masturbating. A huge difference. Again just being real. Godbless.
[/quote]
Your confessor is letting you down big time and you should consider finding a better one.
Strictly speaking force of habit can and does diminish culpability, but for a priest to tell you that it's not even a sin, or worse yet (as you mentioned earlier in the thread) to suggest that you don't even need to confess it is gross irresponsibility.

[Jesus_lol]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1321596725' post='2337803']
Your confessor is letting you down big time and you should consider finding a better one.
Strictly speaking force of habit can and does diminish culpability, but for a priest to tell you that it's not even a sin, or worse yet (as you mentioned earlier in the thread) to suggest that you don't even need to confess it is gross irresponsibility.
[/quote]

from my limited understanding of catholicism, Nihil here is absolutely right.

[Guest]

This was a long time back when I was still in ohio. And he was gay not that it matters. lol

[dominicansoul]

[arfink]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1321522518' post='2337325']


really? I mean, really? I don't know. I'm not a male, but are you saying that NO males are chaste? I find that very sad. I'm not saying that they don't get tempted, but do they all give in? really?
[/quote]

Don't give up hope. It is true that the statistics show it's nearly impossible to find a man who has never at some point in his life committed such a sin (I have only met one man who admitted such, and I was at a seminary for 4 years), but there are a growing number of us who have fought against it and overcome it or are at least fighting valiantly to overcome it, despite frequent failure.

That being said- please PLEASE pray for the conversion and chastity of every man you know, especially any seminarians you know. Seriously. We all can use it. Especially seminarians and priests- the ones who God calls by name are the ones who get attacked the hardest.

For myself, I'm still struggling with this, and it's been years since I was first exposed to this stuff. I don't even remember how old I was- quite young, if I recall. So I probably can't offer a whole ton of useful advice, since I haven't made it yet. Except this: the best starting point you can possibly have is weekly confession. That absolutely has to come first, before anything else. If you can't admit it's sinful and seek God's forgiveness then you will never break out. I spent several years in that stage, fighting desperately to hang on to my unfounded belief that I wasn't doing anything wrong. It wasn't until the year before I joined the seminary that I finally changed my mind.

There are alot of little practical nuggets you can consider as well, at least as far as the pr0N is concerned. Limit your computer time and carefully consider the places you'll visit. If you are planning on just wasting time online, make sure you're doing it in a "safe place," places which you know will not have such content. Install any and all advertisement blockers you can. I suggest using Firefox with the NoScript and Disconnect plugins, but there are other ways to do it. Computers save everything and report it to ad agencies these days, and if you've visited a pr0N site it will track that and target more ads at you. This tracking can follow you to other computers or even to fresh operating system installs, since such tracking is often based off your usage (tied to your username) of other popular sites like Facebook and Youtube. These ad-blocking extensions can keep that from happening, since even innocent sites like Google can begin to bombard you with racy ads because they think you're vulnerable to them. Which you are. Unwanted advertisements are one thing, however. If you [i]want[/i] to see that kind of stuff, these plugins will not help you.

As adults it's not feasible to use blocking or filtering software- if you have to install it then you can uninstall it. Don't rely on that. You're an adult, and you'll just need to be more responsible that that. I wouldn't even suggest using such software for your children, or in situations where the users won't be administering their own computers. I was tasked with administering such software at the seminary (where many men chose not have their own computers) by the rector himself, at the request of concerned vocations directors, and I can tell you that everything we tried (and we tried dozens of applications) was very easily circumvented, even by novice users. Besides this, the filtering software will prove to be a massive hassle, often blocking completely unrelated and necessary sites.

Instead, consider getting a trusted friend (or friends) to help you out. Keep your computer in a public or open place where others can see you when you use it. And always remember that accountability isn't about being punished; it's about being radically freed. Work together.

[MissyP89]

Bless you, arfink.

It's very difficult to believe a clean life is possible when you've been honestly, truly fighting for YEARS to break free. At some points, it can seem that the main issue is no longer the temptation or giving in, but despair -- "I can't do this."

Thank you for not giving up and holding onto that hope, and for your honesty here. For some people, it takes a long time. The key is to never stop trying.

Keep fighting. I am, too. We'll all get there.

[Guest]

The messed up thing is I was like 20 the first time I masturbated. lol True story. That is crazy to me. I don't know. Hopefully with the grace of God I can stop. I do acknowledge its really wrong. And it is degrading to the women I lust after there is no question about that.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest

[Guest]

Although if just lusting after women in a sports illustrated swimsuit edition or something like that it doesn't seem as bad. Because they know exactly what they are doing and their asking for it. I have a hard time feeling guilt there opposed to lusting after female friends or what not.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321646224' post='2337970']
Although if just lusting after women in a sports illustrated swimsuit edition or something like that it doesn't seem as bad. Because they know exactly what they are doing and their asking for it. I have a hard time feeling guilt there opposed to lusting after female friends or what not.
[/quote]
The only difference is that swimsuit and pornographic models are that much more broken and damaged than your female friends.
ETA: Often because they're so desensitized to being treated as objects of sexual gratification by men.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Nihil Obstat

[Guest]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1321646867' post='2337975']
The only difference is that swimsuit and pornographic models are that much more broken and damaged than your female friends.
ETA: Often because they're so desensitized to being treated as objects of sexual gratification by men.[/quote] I have a really hard time believing that about women who appear in sports illustrated swimsuit mags and similar stuff. I really do. Cause its higher class and I really feel they know exactly what they are doing and they just don't care.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321647029' post='2337977']
I have a really hard time believing that about women who appear in sports illustrated swimsuit mags and similar stuff. I really do. Cause its higher class and I really feel they know exactly what they are doing and they just don't care.
[/quote]
Perhaps they do. Even so, to say they deserve to be treated that way is still wrong. because they don't.

[Guest]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1321647323' post='2337979']
Perhaps they do. Even so, to say they deserve to be treated that way is still wrong. because they don't.[/quote] they are taking higher class lustfull pics. Guys are going to lust after them. They know this. They want the money. I'm not saying they deserve it but come on. It is what it is.

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321647029' post='2337977']
I have a really hard time believing that about women who appear in sports illustrated swimsuit mags and similar stuff. I really do. Cause its higher class and I really feel they know exactly what they are doing and they just don't care.
[/quote]
[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321647494' post='2337980']
they are taking higher class lustfull pics. Guys are going to lust after them. They know this. They want the money. I'm not saying they deserve it but come on. It is what it is.
[/quote]
That's exactly the problem. I'm surprised you don't see that. They're offering themselves up as an objectified sexual entity because they simply don't understand the nature of sexuality anymore. They've been so warped by their culture telling them that women are nothing more than objects for men's sexual pleasure that they've internalized that attitude, and they can't even see anything wrong with it anymore.
By supporting that industry, and by 'lusting after' those women, you're contributing to the society that has already destroyed the meaning of sexuality, and destroyed (quite possibly forever) their own understanding of their innate dignity as a human being.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321647494' post='2337980']
they are taking higher class lustfull pics. Guys are going to lust after them. They know this. They want the money. I'm not saying they deserve it but come on. It is what it is.
[/quote]

There is no such thing as classy pics taken to exploit the human person. Whether or not they "know what they are getting into" is inconsequential of the fact that THESE ARE WOMEN ARE PERSONS THAT GOD CREATED AND ENDOWED WITH DIGNITY, WHICH SHOULD BE RESPECTED, WHETHER THEY ARE RESPECTING THEMSELVES OR NOT. And who are you to judge to whether they know what they are doing or not? I would bet that most of them have been told all of their lives that the way to get respect is to be a sex object. Or that being pretty is all they've got going for them. Or that that will make them happy. I doubt that they have a correct understanding of human sexuality at all.

[Theresita Nerita]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321647494' post='2337980']
they are taking higher class lustfull pics. Guys are going to lust after them. They know this. They want the money. I'm not saying they deserve it but come on. It is what it is.
[/quote]

I think that it's best to be careful whenever one finds oneself thinking "welp its their own fault, they want this to happen" about anyone. I think one of the basic things I love about our faith is that it doesn't let you fool yourself into thinking you know what's going on in another person's head.

like the psalmist says, even to God himself:

That you may be justified when you give sentence
and be without reproach when you judge
O see, in guilt I was born
A sinner was I conceived.

I mean, all of us fail in numerous ways. You could truly find a way to rationalize to yourself that anybody "deserves" anything that happens to them - "he deserved to get hit by a car - he was walking home drunk." But I always catch myself when I think things like that because I don't know the person's history, their psychology, their battles they're fighting.

And I think that in one sense, that's why for example no one can judge you for looking at sports illustrated - because no one on this board knows your heart, your battles, etc. No one can judge me, either. But in the same way, no one can judge SI girls and say that they want or deserve anything that happens to them, because even if they honestly [i]think [/i]they want to make money and get ogled, in one sense they do, in another sense I think it often torments them. And that's yet another battle for them that we can't understand.

my 2 cents.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Theresita Nerita

[Guest]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1321647780' post='2337981']

That's exactly the problem. I'm surprised you don't see that. They're offering themselves up as an objectified sexual entity because they simply don't understand the nature of sexuality anymore. They've been so warped by their culture telling them that women are nothing more than objects for men's sexual pleasure that they've internalized that attitude, and they can't even see anything wrong with it anymore.
By supporting that industry, and by 'lusting after' those women, you're contributing to the society that has already destroyed the meaning of sexuality, and destroyed (quite possibly forever) their own understanding of their innate dignity as a human being.[/quote]Godbless bro you're a very wise man and I respect everything you say. I agree with what you are saying here somewhat. I don't think all the women who appear in sports illustrated are all nieve and don't understand. I bet most of the women are pretty classy and not whores or anything like that. Its just I think they really don't care. They don't care if I have a problem with masturbation and I'm going to lust aftwr them. Lol they want their money and there beautiful. Its the same way when women dress in a lustfull manner. They don't care. They can have tons of respect for themselves and love God and all that. They just don't care that guys struggle with lust.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest

[Guest]

[quote name='missionseeker' timestamp='1321648096' post='2337982']

There is no such thing as classy pics taken to exploit the human person. Whether or not they "know what they are getting into" is inconsequential of the fact that THESE ARE WOMEN ARE PERSONS THAT GOD CREATED AND ENDOWED WITH DIGNITY, WHICH SHOULD BE RESPECTED, WHETHER THEY ARE RESPECTING THEMSELVES OR NOT. And who are you to judge to whether they know what they are doing or not? I would bet that most of them have been told all of their lives that the way to get respect is to be a sex object. Or that being pretty is all they've got going for them. Or that that will make them happy. I doubt that they have a correct understanding of human sexuality at all.[/quote] Well I for one don't think the sports illustrated swimsuit edition is that bad. These are all natural beautiful women. Although I think most guys are going to find it difficult not to lust after these beautiful women. And I think the women know that. I don't think that makes them bad though.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Delivery Boy' timestamp='1321648239' post='2337984']
Godbless bro you're a very wise man and I respect everything you say. I agree with what you are saying here somewhat. I don't think all the women who appear in sports illustrated are all nieve and don't understand. I bet most of the women are pretty classy and not whores or anything like that. Its just I think they really don't care. They don't care if I have a problem with masturbation and I'm going to lust aftwr them. Lol they want their money and there beautiful. Its the same way when women dress in a lustfull manner. They don't care. They can have tons of respect for themselves and love God and all that. They just don't care that guys struggle with lust.
[/quote]

If THEY don't care, YOU need to care.

If SHE doesn't value herself, YOU should.

You need to rise up and be the better person, always. That's Christianity at the core.

What if someone was saying this stuff about your sister? Is that how you would respond? "Well, she's asking for it."

Give me a break.

Edited November 18, 2011 by MissyP89

[Guest]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1321649700' post='2337992']

If THEY don't care, YOU need to care.

If SHE doesn't value herself, YOU should.

You need to rise up and be the better person, always. That's Christianity at the core.

What if someone was saying this stuff about your sister? Is that how you would respond? "Well, she's asking for it."

Give me a break.[/quote] I'm just talking about the sports illustrated swimsuit edition. These are beautiful natural women. No breast implants or stuff like that. The pics are not that bad either. A lot of them are tastefull. My point is these women know men are still going to find it difficult not to lust after some of these pictures. And I think it comes back to most people don't have a problem with masturbation and they think its normal and not some huge sin that's gonna have you burning in the depths of hell forever. But we know that isn't the case and it can send you to hell and that it is wrong and we shouldn't masturbate. So ya. And how this all started was I said I feel less guilty lusting after a girl in a magazine like a sports illustrated swimsuit edition. I shouldn't even said that though cause its all wrong. Alright I'll just stop. Lol but I do think I have some points but I agree you guys are right. Laters.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Guest