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That's All, Folks! Or So I Thought...


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Hello everybody!


I've been lurking, but decided to take the plunge and let you know I'm back (and the desire to butt in on conversations got the better of any residual shyness...). It's so good to read what people have been up to.


I returned from the monastery having spent most of last year there (the build-up is recorded here). I had wonderful letters from VSers and former VSers waiting for me when I arrived, and wasn't able to reply to them at the time, but know that they were happily cherished! The experience was definitely one I'm glad I've been through, although it was very difficult at times. Basically the community is very dysfunctional, and while I love each of the sisters, it soon became unliveable. So, for the time being, I'm back. I got a job very quickly, thanks be to God, and life has returned to somewhat pre-monastery normal. Who knows where things will go from here?





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Well hello!


You've been missed!  


I think we all had hoped that you had found the monastery where God wanted you, but sometimes one only discovers things by actually entering.   Sounds like that is what happened with you.  


I know that God will reward your generosity, and lead you closer to Him. 


There have been many times when we would have loved to pick your brain about various things... and now you are here again.  That is at least one good thing to come out of this!


We wish you a holy Lent and a glorious Pascha at the end of it!



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Hello everybody!



The experience was definitely one I'm glad I've been through, although it was very difficult at times. Basically the community is very dysfunctional, and while I love each of the sisters, it soon became unliveable. So, for the time being, I'm back.



(I'm trying to be slient during Lent on PM ... but am lurking -- this one is worth responding to)


Marigold!  I will pray for you during this time of transition.


-- Cma.

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You know, Marigold... a lot of the people you knew from before are no longer coming to Vocation Station for various reasons. 


  • Some have entered... 
  • A  few have entered, returned and let us know they left their communities but aren't posting...
  • And quite a number of people who used to frequent Vocation Station aren't doing so at this time because they have discerned God isn't calling them to religious life or the priesthood... or at least not at this time.

So... you might want to consider a thread on Open Mic or on Lame Board just so people know you are back....   


Lots of us have been where you are now... and we are definitely glad to have you back... and praying for you! 


Please pray for us, too!!!



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Prayers, Marigold!


I wrote you once for Christmas, I am not sure if you were still there to receive it or not.


I am glad to hear that your re-adaption with getting a job, etc. has worked well so far! And yes, that is why it is called discerning.... Discerning the spirits, also of the community. And I can definetly imagine situations when it is better to leave. Not the community I am in, but for example a community I volunteered with for a year.


I am praying for you and all the other phatmassers having left a community; i will be in a 10 day retreat in preparation for my entrance to the novitiate starting tomorrow, so I have all day to pray ;) :)

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I'm so grateful for the welcome! I'd wondered if I really wanted to explain myself to yet *more* people, but silly me, I underestimated the loveliness of people on VS. It does mean a lot, guys. Please keep saying your bestest and strongest prayers! The 'hashing things out' with the abbess seems to have begun - via email - and so far it's just difficult and upsetting. So keep 'em coming.


AnneLine, I don't know if I'm brave enough to peep outside this safe haven. I've been out there in Open Mic, and it's a JUNGLE! Very interested to know what people are up to, though - anybody want to give me a quick run-down? :hehe2:


juchu, I did receive your Christmas letter: thank you very much, it was lovely to hear from you! Best wishes and lots of prayers for your retreat and entrance to the novitiate. Good to hear that you're doing well.


EmilyAnn and the171, I'm catching up on both your blogs!


Gah, I can't reply to everyone in one message... :paperbag:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Please do keep up the prayers. I quit my job last week because it was too much stress and being pushed around for too little payoff. At the time it felt like taking a stand and making positive changes against the stress and being pushed around that happened in the monastery. But now it's Monday morning and I'm faced with an empty bank account. I know I did the right thing in leaving, in both cases, but still feel like a failure and can't avoid the thought that I've blown every good gift that has come to me.


Over the weekend I had long conversations with two good mentors, and they are helping me figure out what happened and where to go from here. I am so grateful for them, and for the friends who have welcomed me back with no questions asked. But it's not enough, and it's horrible feeling that way about all the goodness that has come my way since I left. However mental the monastery was, it was a monastery, and it did show me that there isn't anything else that is going to be enough.


You know what is funny, though? I asked to die to the world in order to live for God, and broke and jobless, I am living for him like I never have.

Edited by marigold
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The world and it's ways can bring us unexpected and unlooked for blessings, just as the monastery can occasionally be a source of pain........


I know that sense of failure, and it's hard to know what to say except that it does pass, especially as He reveals what is next on the journey.


Prayers for you Marigold, and big virtual hugs.

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