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That's All, Folks! Or So I Thought...


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MarysLittleFlower

I know it might be easier said than done, but try to not think like you've had your chance and didn't take it. I mean, people do often discern with different monasteries. One monastery might not work, but another might work....each one is so different! :) If you feel drawn to religious life, I think it's a great idea to keep open to this idea! :)

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Hi everyone! I just popped in to see how everyone is, and thought I'd let you know that I decided to stay at the community and am officially a novice. Unfortunately that means paperwork, so I'm out of

By your prayers, I have a paperwork interview on Christmas Eve, and 1-2 weeks after that, I should be free to go home to the monastery.

Just wanted to say thanks to you guys on VS for being such a great ongoing part of my life. I'm logging out at the end of this weekend, and going back to the monastery during the coming week, and hope

Things are going well. Yesterday I visited Sr. Faith and had a long and very good talk with her. My monastery's (now ex-) intern has moved over to us in London and she is wonderful to have around. I love her so much!

 

I also got the job I mentioned on 15th March, a good nannying job about 20 minutes' walk from home. I'll probably start this coming Monday.

 

So God is quite clearly looking after me, and my family and friends as well. I realised that even in the worst times, I still want to want to follow him, even when I don't want to. If that makes sense... And that is a pretty major blessing. So thank you PMers - as we say, "By your prayers..."

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just a few thoughts after having got my internet back... This Lent has been a disaster on a practical level, but even in the midst of feeling completely unprepared for Holy Week (next week for us) there is a recognition that this is probably what I needed - to feel totally at sea, and have my heart broken. So often I've had those moments of seeing your life from the outside, and thinking in horror, how did this become my life? How has this happened to me?

 

But over the past few weeks, thanks in good part to visiting Sr. Faith and thinking and talking through things with a mentor, I was given the gift of compassion for my sisters and for the whole situation, and that had been completely absent before. So it was truly a gift.

 

Every day there are feelings of hopelessness and shock, mixed in with happiness in the moment and feeling open to a future without a monastery. But even typing that feels horrible. Even though I can adjust to being in the world and all that brings with it, I temper it with the thought that it's not going to last forever... But on the other hand, no matter how much I struggle against the present situation, I realise that I'm so all over the place that I'm not ready to be in a monastery yet.

 

Sigh. I'm going to have a cup of tea.

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Just a few thoughts after having got my internet back... This Lent has been a disaster on a practical level, but even in the midst of feeling completely unprepared for Holy Week (next week for us) there is a recognition that this is probably what I needed - to feel totally at sea, and have my heart broken. So often I've had those moments of seeing your life from the outside, and thinking in horror, how did this become my life? How has this happened to me?

 

But over the past few weeks, thanks in good part to visiting Sr. Faith and thinking and talking through things with a mentor, I was given the gift of compassion for my sisters and for the whole situation, and that had been completely absent before. So it was truly a gift.

 

Every day there are feelings of hopelessness and shock, mixed in with happiness in the moment and feeling open to a future without a monastery. But even typing that feels horrible. Even though I can adjust to being in the world and all that brings with it, I temper it with the thought that it's not going to last forever... But on the other hand, no matter how much I struggle against the present situation, I realise that I'm so all over the place that I'm not ready to be in a monastery yet.

 

Sigh. I'm going to have a cup of tea.

 

Having been where you are, I can relate completely. Know that we are all praying for you, here on phatmass and also in Carmel. If you make it up Midlands way, stop in to Wolverhampton Carmel for a parlour visit. Our extern would make anyone laugh with her tales of vocation struggle! :) The important thing is not to fight the pain, but be open to healing humour as well. Much love in Christ Jesus. Sr Annie

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Just a few thoughts after having got my internet back... This Lent has been a disaster on a practical level, but even in the midst of feeling completely unprepared for Holy Week (next week for us) there is a recognition that this is probably what I needed - to feel totally at sea, and have my heart broken. So often I've had those moments of seeing your life from the outside, and thinking in horror, how did this become my life? How has this happened to me?

 

But over the past few weeks, thanks in good part to visiting Sr. Faith and thinking and talking through things with a mentor, I was given the gift of compassion for my sisters and for the whole situation, and that had been completely absent before. So it was truly a gift.

 

Every day there are feelings of hopelessness and shock, mixed in with happiness in the moment and feeling open to a future without a monastery. But even typing that feels horrible. Even though I can adjust to being in the world and all that brings with it, I temper it with the thought that it's not going to last forever... But on the other hand, no matter how much I struggle against the present situation, I realise that I'm so all over the place that I'm not ready to be in a monastery yet.

 

Sigh. I'm going to have a cup of tea.

 

All is still very close to you yet, and the living pain passes with time and writing will not be so difficult once hindsight is simply reflecting back from a place which is Peace and Joy, happiness just to be you.  You will be there!

 

But a cuppa with some thankfulness in one's heart for gifts received along the journey helps the healing process.  And humour relieves stress and tension and is indeed another factor in the healing process.  Many gifts along the Via Dolorosa.

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Guest Allie

Praying for you.  I'm grateful for your willingness to share. Also, please remember the impact of the fast  as you approach Great week.  Pascha comes.  ( Close Orthodox Friends.)

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Holding you in prayer, Marigold.  

 

I liked what you said about connecting the spiritual desolation/loss feelings with those of Christ's Passion.  There must have been moments when Jesus felt much the same as he ended the end of his life and about the seeming failure of His Mission.   Except.... He knew He was doing his Father's will, that the Holy Spirit was over all, and that Pascha comes!!  And He had an ability to trust in the Father's love that we struggle to access... it's just harder for us to remember that truth.

 

Everyone I know who has had to leave a community, or re-discern a community, or transitioned between communities had had exactly the same mix of feelings.  The closer you can get to a place of indifference and openness to whatever God wants the more you will be able to hear his gentle, loving Call.  

 

Sometimes I think it is at those times when humanly we feel all is a wreck that God is in the thick of it, preparing the soil, digging in the manure, and then sowing the seeds of something new and glorious to spring forth.

 

Prayers, and love, always.....

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  • 6 months later...

Marigold its good to hear from you. Its sounds like you have been going through a rough patch but have come out the better for keeping going. 

 

BTW a good Jesuit friend when talking about vocations said that we are crazy, crazy in love with Jesus!

So enjoy the craziness!

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:bounce: So happy to see you again! Thank you for your transparency & sharing with us...I cannot imagine what you have been through, but I know many on here have had similar experiences...yes, I think it's a kind of holy madness to want to keep trying to overcome obstacles within ourselves & obstacles without in order to live so radically for love of Him. Trying to follow His will & our response to His graces will show us where He wants us next. If we give them to Him, He even takes our misteps & mistakes & brings something beautiful out of it..."All things happen for the good of those who love God." (I will admit some days it is easier to believe that than others ;) .)

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