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That's All, Folks! Or So I Thought...


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MarysLittleFlower

Welcome back Marigold! :) I was wondering how you are doing... thanks for updating. I believe that God can use anything that happens to draw us closer to Himself, where we have to rely on Him more... you are in my prayers!

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Hi everyone! I just popped in to see how everyone is, and thought I'd let you know that I decided to stay at the community and am officially a novice. Unfortunately that means paperwork, so I'm out of

By your prayers, I have a paperwork interview on Christmas Eve, and 1-2 weeks after that, I should be free to go home to the monastery.

Just wanted to say thanks to you guys on VS for being such a great ongoing part of my life. I'm logging out at the end of this weekend, and going back to the monastery during the coming week, and hope

You are certainly not a failure Marigold. Many prayers for you as you  plan your fuuture.

 

Thanks Jennirom :cold:

My dad and I watched the new pope's first blessing live on TV last night, which was fun. Dad is a lapsed Roman Catholic who loves the Spanish language, so he was excitedly translating along with the news translator... and then at some point he realised Francis had lapsed into Italian (or was it the other way round)... "Speaks good Italian, doesn't he?" Yeah, how long did it take you to realise, pops... To be honest I just enjoyed the Latin!

 

I've been applying for a lot of jobs over the past couple of days. Family and friends are a blessing.

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You were fortunate to have your personal translater at hand for Pope Francis' first blessing on TV

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 Good luck with the job hunting................I hope that you'll be successful.

 

God Bless.

 

Thank you! Old Francesco does come across well.

 

I can't really express how good it is to have this 'base' to come to and read about other people's experiences and just chat silliness about nuns as well. Many of you go out of your way on my behalf and it doesn't get forgotten.

 

I've been to two interviews today, one at an agency and another informally this evening, on the phone. The second wants to meet in person tomorrow morning - at Starbucks :) It's a a good nannying position, part-time but better paid than my last nanny job, and I have a good feeling about it. Please pray!

 

Other than that, just getting through each day as it comes. Sometimes I feel positive and confident, and the struggles of the past months feel in perspective and I can see past the human woundedness that caused the problems at the monastery and feel happy to have known those sisters and been part of their life for a while. Other days - like today - it feels overwhelmingly difficult to even understand, let alone put behind me. I can get to feeling very resentful towards sisters whom I considered to have been in responsible positions, and feeling angry at myself for making the (occasionally quite spectacular) mistakes I did.

 

One thing I'm finding hard is re-learning how to 'put on my armour' when I'm out and about. Being at the monastery even for such a short time really took down my defences, and I think that's because I went into it with 100% body and soul. Which is maybe why coming back has been such a shock - because on some level I truly wasn't expecting to, and had let go of a lot of the things we use to survive out in the 'jungle' even before I left. I can see now what a massive privilege it was to have had a job where I didn't have to protect myself, where I was in a secure, devout family and my work was conducive to prayer.

 

What haunts me is the thought that this was my chance, and I've blown it. I know in my head that it was an unliveable situation and I wouldn't have survived even if I'd stayed (if that makes sense). But I wonder what'll happen if I'm not accepted into another monastery. It's not that I can't see myself living in the world - I just don't want it.

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I'm realising that a lot of interior stress comes from the difference between what life is, and what one thinks life should be. It's when I start to think in ifs and whens that things go sour. My life as it is, is actually very good. Precious glimpses of being happy in the present moment! God is not there, he is here. With me.

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I'm realising that a lot of interior stress comes from the difference between what life is, and what one thinks life should be. It's when I start to think in ifs and whens that things go sour. My life as it is, is actually very good. Precious glimpses of being happy in the present moment! God is not there, he is here. With me.

 

That is a very important insight.

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Marigold, i wrote you a pm some days ago, maybe you forget to check (I sometimes have pms in my inbox for weeks without realising it, also because I am not so much online...), because it is still marked as "not yet read" ;) :)

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Marigold, i wrote you a pm some days ago, maybe you forget to check (I sometimes have pms in my inbox for weeks without realising it, also because I am not so much online...), because it is still marked as "not yet read" ;) :)

 

Oops! Going to check now...

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