That's All, Folks! Or So I Thought...

[Jennifer]

So sorry to learn this news........many prayers for you Marigold at this time.

[TheresaThoma]

Just thought I'd cross-post my request in the Prayer Room, for my own future reference...

​I'm sorry Marigold its hard to be let go from a position that you that was secure. I've been there and it is no fun. For me it wasn't easy but I knew that God would not take something away without having something better for me.

One time recently I had to leave a job and ended up moving a few states away. It was really scary but I am so grateful now that I was able to do so.

Prayers for you in this transition

[brandelynmarie]

 

 

[marigold]

Wishing everyone here a happy Easter! This week is Holy Week for us Orthodox, and we live in quite a Catholic area, so it was amusing (but also a bit jarring? ) to have all the dinging and donging and people coming out of churches as I was on my way to Palm Sunday Liturgy this weekend.

I've been feeling very 'spring-clean-y' and started clearing out my room. It's partly the season, and partly wanting to take control of something and be proactive since I'm back on the jobsearch, but also not so subtly wanting to be ready to head on down to a convent at a moment's notice. At least in my head  

The longer I'm out, the more I'm apt to be freaked out by how sublime monastic life is, but at the same time the desire only increases - and now a sense of urgency. Tonsure, should God grant it, is so far off that I can't even really conceive of it - I just want to be living the life. I've wasted so much time!

When I think of the elaborate planning and the great lengths I went to in order to ensure that everything was the way I wanted it when I entered the first time - all the right clothes for the climate, things I'd need for my assigned work, making sure I'd not only said goodbye to everyone but that I had all their contact details - I have to laugh! God is truly merciful, he let me do all that 'nesting' and have my way so that I would come to him. All those things, if I needed to do them again to facilitate entering I'd do them of course, but if I had to go without taking anything or seeing anyone, I'd do that too. As time goes on, I'm less and less able to do even the basic things and make do with tiny gestures. I used to think of life in Christ as jumping off a cliff; these days it's much more like scaling a mountain. Whether or not I make X particular choice is irrelevant, so long as I keep moving, even a tiny bit.

I've also been evaluating why I come here and particularly to VS, how much of it is edifying and encourages me to keep waiting patiently for the right monastery, and how much is idleness and even unhelpful; how far has my thinking actually been changed by spending so much time reading, talking about, and watching things to do with Roman Catholic monastic life? I don't know. We have very different monastic cultures - and that's not a value judgment on either one. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this if you have them...

[Nunsense]

Wishing everyone here a happy Easter! This week is Holy Week for us Orthodox, and we live in quite a Catholic area, so it was amusing (but also a bit jarring? ) to have all the dinging and donging and people coming out of churches as I was on my way to Palm Sunday Liturgy this weekend.

I've been feeling very 'spring-clean-y' and started clearing out my room. It's partly the season, and partly wanting to take control of something and be proactive since I'm back on the jobsearch, but also not so subtly wanting to be ready to head on down to a convent at a moment's notice. At least in my head  

The longer I'm out, the more I'm apt to be freaked out by how sublime monastic life is, but at the same time the desire only increases - and now a sense of urgency. Tonsure, should God grant it, is so far off that I can't even really conceive of it - I just want to be living the life. I've wasted so much time!

When I think of the elaborate planning and the great lengths I went to in order to ensure that everything was the way I wanted it when I entered the first time - all the right clothes for the climate, things I'd need for my assigned work, making sure I'd not only said goodbye to everyone but that I had all their contact details - I have to laugh! God is truly merciful, he let me do all that 'nesting' and have my way so that I would come to him. All those things, if I needed to do them again to facilitate entering I'd do them of course, but if I had to go without taking anything or seeing anyone, I'd do that too. As time goes on, I'm less and less able to do even the basic things and make do with tiny gestures. I used to think of life in Christ as jumping off a cliff; these days it's much more like scaling a mountain. Whether or not I make X particular choice is irrelevant, so long as I keep moving, even a tiny bit.

I've also been evaluating why I come here and particularly to VS, how much of it is edifying and encourages me to keep waiting patiently for the right monastery, and how much is idleness and even unhelpful; how far has my thinking actually been changed by spending so much time reading, talking about, and watching things to do with Roman Catholic monastic life? I don't know. We have very different monastic cultures - and that's not a value judgment on either one. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this if you have them...

​

Marigold, I know how you are feeling, the desire to be back inside the monastery and aching all the time you are out. I think that whether or not you post here depends on how much benefit you get from it, and how much you feel you are helping others by your observations. I, personally, enjoy reading about the Orthodox perspective since I have never really known anything about it. And since you are full of common sense, I enjoy reading your posts.

I do so hope that things work out for you and that you fulfill your heart's desire. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

[marigold]

​

Marigold, I know how you are feeling, the desire to be back inside the monastery and aching all the time you are out. I think that whether or not you post here depends on how much benefit you get from it, and how much you feel you are helping others by your observations. I, personally, enjoy reading about the Orthodox perspective since I have never really known anything about it. And since you are full of common sense, I enjoy reading your posts.

I do so hope that things work out for you and that you fulfill your heart's desire. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

​Thank you nunsense, I feel the same way about you and your posts here! As to benefit, I know that I signed up initially because there was nowhere like it on the internet for Orthodox monastic hopefuls, and talking to Catholics was a good substitute and a lot more fun than reading about nuns by myself in my room! I'm pretty certain I'm a terrible spokesperson for the Church and for our wonderful monastic life but enough people have messaged me to say things to the effect of that they had never spoken to an Orthodox person before, or hadn't known whether we were really even Christian let alone had nuns in habits, all the liturgical hours with the same names (Matins, Vespers etc.) that it's worth sticking around even if it's by means of sitting here eating Pringles with my hair up in a towel during Holy Week. (AHEM!) If reunion is going to happen it's going to happen from the grassroots I think

 

[Nunsense]

​Thank you nunsense, I feel the same way about you and your posts here! As to benefit, I know that I signed up initially because there was nowhere like it on the internet for Orthodox monastic hopefuls, and talking to Catholics was a good substitute and a lot more fun than reading about nuns by myself in my room! I'm pretty certain I'm a terrible spokesperson for the Church and for our wonderful monastic life but enough people have messaged me to say things to the effect of that they had never spoken to an Orthodox person before, or hadn't known whether we were really even Christian let alone had nuns in habits, all the liturgical hours with the same names (Matins, Vespers etc.) that it's worth sticking around even if it's by means of sitting here eating Pringles with my hair up in a towel during Holy Week. (AHEM!) If reunion is going to happen it's going to happen from the grassroots I think

 

​That's lovely. you are a good ambassador.  

[marigold]

Today is suspended upon the tree He who suspended the land upon waters.
A crown of thorns crowns Him who is the King of the angels.
He is wrapped about with the purple of mockery, who wrapped the heavens with clouds.
He received the smitings, He who freed Adam in the Jordan.
He is transfixed with nails, who is the Son of the Virgin.
We worship Thy passion, O Christ.
Show us also Thy glorious resurrection.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 10, 2015 by marigold
I clicked the spoiler button by accident and can't get rid of it now...

[marigold]

Some more of the sublime hymnography of Holy Week:

In a tomb they laid thee O Christ the Life

The angelic hosts were overcome with awe

and glorified thy condescension

 

O Life how canst thou die?

How canst thou dwell in a tomb?

But by thy death thou hast destroyed the reign of death

and raised all the dead from hell

 

We magnify thee

O Jesus our king

We worship thy passion and thy burial

For by them thou hast saved us from death

 

O word of God we praise thee

the Lord of the world

With thy Father and thy Holy Spirit

And we glorify thy burial

 

We bless you, O Virgin

Birthgiver of God

And with faithful hearts we praise the burial

Endured by your son and our God

 

In a tomb they laid thee O Christ the life

The angelic hosts were overcome with awe

And glorified thy condescension

 

 

 

 

 

 

[marigold]

I feel like I'm going crazy because I can't handle the new formatting!

[marigold]

Christ is risen! Truly he is risen!  

 

 

O Death, where is your sting? O Hell, where is your victory? Christ is risen, and you are overthrown. Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in the grave. For Christ, being risen from the dead, is become the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen

- from the Paschal Homily of John Chrysostom, read in every Orthodox church during the Paschal Liturgy

 

[marigold]

Please lovely VSers pray for me during the coming days! Tomorrow (Saturday) I'm flying out for a week's live-in with a community that I am really interested to get to know. I have a good feeling about it, and have corresponded with a couple of the sisters enough to know that the basic set-up might be a really good fit. But you never know until you get there, and I'm starting to get nervous because it'll be the first time I'm back in a monastery since I left my former community.

Thanks!

[BarbTherese]

God's Blessings, Marigold!

[1054]

Please lovely VSers pray for me during the coming days! Tomorrow (Saturday) I'm flying out for a week's live-in with a community that I am really interested to get to know. I have a good feeling about it, and have corresponded with a couple of the sisters enough to know that the basic set-up might be a really good fit. But you never know until you get there, and I'm starting to get nervous because it'll be the first time I'm back in a monastery since I left my former community.

Thanks!

​Correction: It'll be the second time you've visited a monastery, or do day trips not count? 
With love in Christ,

Your resident Smart-A.

[marigold]

Well, I'm back and I had a really very good time! It was a bit of a shock to be back on monastery grounds, but I adjusted after a couple of days and then didn't want to leave. The sisters are an unbelievably kind and giving community - they are all totally different but I liked them all. Everything was clean, tidy and neat. I was allowed to help with dishes every day, as well as ironing, gardening and painting. The abbess talked with me for several long sessions. She is very sociable and joyful! I was shown the sisters' quarters too. The church was lovely, with a strong atmosphere of prayer, and the services were nice and unhurried, very still and quiet. God was there. Just as I felt I was getting into the swing of things, it was time to leave! I was feeling a bit down about having to leave so soon, in a kind of general blah way, and then, unexpectedly, the sisters sang this for me at the end of the night service - and the floodgates opened and I bawled in front of all of them! 

 

The whole experience of trying to find a monastery, the second time round, has been characterised by trying to not give my heart away. (It's what I do best.) I have to exercise soooo much restraint in, first of all, not jumping into the first community I go to out of my own generous allowances for what I think I can live with, and second of all, not making any earthly community into paradise. My first community was paradise to me and - well, great was its fall. So I'm trying  anything final or even decisive, other than that I liked it and I want to visit again  

[BarbTherese]

Magnificent version of the Kyrie in the video - no wonder you cried, Marigold.

May The Lord continue to guide you in your discerning.  Prayers.

[marigold]

Magnificent version of the Kyrie in the video - no wonder you cried, Marigold.

May The Lord continue to guide you in your discerning.  Prayers.

​Thanks Barb!

[marigold]

Three years to the day since I entered my former community.

Edited May 11, 2015 by marigold
because I can't type

[marigold]

This hymn is amesome!

 

[marigold]

Cross-posting for my own reference...