IgnatiusofLoyola Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How could anybody be rude and mean with a beautiful serene foggy river background? Cam would probably find something wrong with the background. BTW--I think the new background is lovely. Thank-you! One Cam story that really sums him up for me was when he went to spend Easter with his parents and went to an NO Good Friday service with them at their parish. Cam made a post where he listed in great detail (he must have been taking notes during the service) everything the priest did wrong during the service and he was going to write to his bishop about all the abuses. (Cam seemed to write a lot of letters to his bishop.) There were at least 10-15 mistakes Cam mentioned. @dominicansoul gave what was to me the perfect response to Cam's post. DS replied something along the lines of, "I can't remember anything my priest did during the Good Friday service because I was concentrating on the crucifixion and death of our Lord." I'm NOT saying that priests shouldn't follow proper form during Mass (OBVIOUSLY they should), only that Cam had concentrated so much on the form that he completely missed the point of what is arguably one of the most moving services in the Christian calendar. I can only hope that the following year, Cam didn't attend the Good Friday service at his parents' church, but attended his own church. You don't know what you say. He was a small part that reinforced jasJis to reject Catholicism and Christianity. A rigid ideologue. If I had not decided to take a hiatus because of Cam, I might have done the same thing as you did. As it was, it took me awhile to regain the respect I had previously had for the Catholic Church and for Catholics in general. "Rigid ideologue" is the perfect description. People like Cam are not just harmless eccentrics. He was judgemental and put other people down, making them feel bad about themselves and their Catholic faith. I had PMs from strong Catholics on Phatmass who told me that Cam made them feel judged, but they were too afraid to post publicly. This is the opposite of how Jesus taught us to treat others. Jesus never compromised his faith, beliefs, and behavior, yet at the same time made those who were sinners and condemned by society, such as prostitutes and tax collectors, feel loved and cared about. I realized that nothing I ever said or did could ever change Cam and how he was hurting people, so for my own well-being, I had to "wipe the dust off my sandals" and leave Phatmass until Cam was banned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritasluxmea Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How long ago was this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 People can change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How long ago was this? It was several years ago I dont remember exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 It was several years ago I dont remember exactly I think about 2011 or so, that's the year I joined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 As hard as it was with him on here, I think we should give him a chance... at the same time, I doubt he returns...iono, something tells me he wiped the phatmass dust off his feet and will probably never ever return... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well now I am guessing he will not be showing up. He was already not sure he would be welcome. I suppose we will see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well now I am guessing he will not be showing up. He was already not sure he would be welcome. I suppose we will see. Well, if he hasn't changed much, I suppose he'd just get banned again. It will be exciting though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) People can change. Yes, they can. However, Cam is in his 40's and as people get older they become less likely to change their basic personality traits. Note: I'm not saying people can't "grow" as they get older--obviously they can. But, it's harder to change basic personality traits. Plus, to change, most of the time people have to WANT to change. I never had the feeling that Cam thought there was anything wrong with his behavior or was bothered about the harm his words were causing others. In theory, an ideologue could change into an non-judgemental, accepting person, who was aware of how his behavior affected others. But, something big would probably have to happen to bring on such a radical personality change. Actually I'm the exception that proves the rule--I have changed a LOT in the last 10 years or so. But, in my case, God/life took away pretty much everything I was smug and judgemental about, and forced me to learn humility. Over the course of that time, my husband left me totally unexpectedly and I got sick to the point of having to quit my job and go on disability. My illness meant a huge drop in income, not to mention having to give up several activities that I loved, including volunteering at the zoo and traveling. However, in the midst of all this, I came to the sudden realization of what a smug, "know-it-all" I had been, and I had to painfully learn humility. I still haven't learned the necessary skill of asking others for help. I now face the future alone, with limited income, and no set purpose for my life. This is very humbling because it is NOTHING like what I had imagined for my future. I'm embarrassed to meet people from my past because I am a failure in most worldly ways, such as job success and having financial security. However, I AM a better person (although I backslide sometimes, particularly with my immediate family). Was the price worth it to be a better person? Yes. But, the price is that I am very scared and very lonely, and desperately trying to figure out what to do next. Obviously I need to pray a lot and trust God. I pray a lot--trusting God is harder. And, right now, God is still teaching me patience and saying "Not yet. Trust me." But, trusting is very hard for me. (I've been abandoned by a number of very important people in my life, including my ex-husband and my immediate family, as well as friends I used to have.) So yes, major change IS possible but it's really rough. which is why it's unusual. Not to mention that I haven't COMPLETELY changed, only in certain important ways. Well now I am guessing he will not be showing up. He was already not sure he would be welcome. I suppose we will see. I hope Cam doesn't show up. I have so much stress in my life that I need Phatmass for support. I don't want to have to take a "hiatus" to protect my emotional health. Edited October 22, 2015 by IgnatiusofLoyola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Iggy, I hear ya, and I understand you and where you are coming from in regards to Cam's abrasive personality... at the same time, you can always put him on "Ignore" right? You won't even see any of the things he's posting and this way he can't bother you... Well, if he hasn't changed much, I suppose he'd just get banned again. It will be exciting though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightofChrist Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yes, they can. However, Cam is in his 40's and as people get older they become less likely to change their basic personality traits. Note: I'm not saying people can't "grow" as they get older--obviously they can. But, it's harder to change basic personality traits. Plus, to change, most of the time people have to WANT to change. I never had the feeling that Cam thought there was anything wrong with his behavior or was bothered about the harm his words were causing others. In theory, an ideologue could change into an non-judgemental, accepting person, who was aware of how his behavior affected others. But, something big would probably have to happen to bring on such a radical personality change. Actually I'm the exception that proves the rule--I have changed a LOT in the last 10 years or so. But, in my case, God/life took away pretty much everything I was smug and judgemental about, and forced me to learn humility. Over the course of that time, my husband left me totally unexpectedly and I got sick to the point of having to quit my job and go on disability. My illness meant a huge drop in income, not to mention having to give up several activities that I loved, including volunteering at the zoo and traveling. However, in the midst of all this, I came to the sudden realization of what a smug, "know-it-all" I had been, and I had to painfully learn humility. I still haven't learned the necessary skill of asking others for help. I now face the future alone, with limited income, and no set purpose for my life. This is very humbling because it is NOTHING like what I had imagined for my future. I'm embarrassed to meet people from my past because I am a failure in most worldly ways, such as job success and having financial security. However, I AM a better person (although I backslide sometimes, particularly with my immediate family). Was the price worth it to be a better person? Yes. But, the price is that I am very scared and very lonely, and desperately trying to figure out what to do next. Obviously I need to pray a lot and trust God. I pray a lot--trusting God is harder. And, right now, God is still teaching me patience and saying "Not yet. Trust me." But, trusting is very hard for me. (I've been abandoned by a number of very important people in my life, including my ex-husband and my immediate family, as well as friends I used to have.) So yes, major change IS possible but it's really rough. which is why it's unusual. Not to mention that I haven't COMPLETELY changed, only in certain important ways. I hope Cam doesn't show up. I have so much stress in my life that I need Phatmass for support. I don't want to have to take a "hiatus" to protect my emotional health. I'm sorry you still feel so strongly negative about Cam. But it has been years, that's way too long to hold on to negative feelings about someone whom you don't really know, for the good of your soul I think you should pray and forgive Cam and let your history with him go whether or not he returns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Iggy, I hear ya, and I understand you and where you are coming from in regards to Cam's abrasive personality... at the same time, you can always put him on "Ignore" right? You won't even see any of the things he's posting and this way he can't bother you... Cam is still on "Ignore" from when he was here before. However, as you know, the "ignore" function is limited. You can still see people's posts when they are quoted in other people's replies. The only option is to complete ignore certain threads or whole phorums. If Cam sticks to Debate and Transmundane, I'm okay. But, I like Open Mic. If I remember though, he didn't post much in Vocation Station--that can be my refuge. Plus, dUSt mentioned the possibility of taking away the "Ignore" function. I hope he changes his mind on that for the sake of my mental health. Also, dUSt is prone to saying, "smell of elderberries it up" or "Offer it up." Both of those are good advice except when the person (namely me) is in a very tenuous mental and physical state a lot of the time, and "Sucking it up" isn't an option. You don't say "smell of elderberries it up" to a person who is seriously losing their ability to cope. I'm sorry you still feel so strongly negative about Cam. But it has been years, that's way too long to hold on to negative feelings about someone whom you don't really know, for the good of your soul I think you should pray and forgive Cam and let your history with him go whether or not he returns. It's not a question of forgiveness--it's a question of self-protection. I felt bad for Cam, because I don't think he was a happy person. Also, the things that Cam said (and sometimes others agreed with) negatively affected my perception of the Catholic Church. It didn't go so far as to make me an atheist or agnostic, but I didn't necessarily want to hang around Catholics, either. You can forgive someone, but that doesn't mean allowing them to be in a position to cause you psychological harm--or just wreck your Phatmass experience which is supposed to be positive. If you don't care about whether I post on Phatmass or not, there's no problem. And, frankly, I think there are probably only a handful of people who care whether I post on Phatmass anyway. So if Cam comes back, which causes me to leave out of self-protection, I doubt the majority of Phatmassers will give a hoot. I'm under no illusion that I'm particularly important to most people on Phatmass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How would he find out that he is unbanned anyway? Its doubtful that he would come back here enough to find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IgnatiusofLoyola Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 How would he find out that he is unbanned anyway? Its doubtful that he would come back here enough to find out. Nihil said earler that he contacted Cam and told him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Nihil said earler that he contacted Cam and told him. Cool cool! Well maybe Ill get to meet him if he returns Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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