Dating/courtships And Physical Touch

[jeffpugh]

Actually, I take that question back. According to those definitions, my question has no bearing, and I don't think that's a form of "petting". Okay. I take it back. Sorry.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Vasilius Konstantinos' date='14 June 2009 - 09:25 PM' timestamp='1245043529' post='1891101']
Love is the time you held his/her hand when they were in more pain than they could bare. Love is when you carried your spouse to the toilet when they could no longer walk to it, and helped them with every duty needed. Love is when you can wake up after a horrible night in disagreement, still be in disagreement and still be able to tend to their needs and wants even in anger. Love is being able to wake up and admit you were wrong when you were. Love is being able to listen even if you heard it said 1000 times 1000. And finally love is being able to see them at their worst and accept them as they see you at your worst and accept them. This does not take place right away and in some marriages it can take place after fifty years of marriage. [b]but you are not in love until you can do all this and much more.[/b]

This is why marriage councilors roll their eyes when they hear "we're in love and want to get married"...
[/quote]

I have to highly highly disagree with the bolded line. Human love grows in perfection but is not itself perfect.

The descriptions you gave above can be reached during this life, but even then only with heroic virtue and grace. To say only those with heroic virtue can be in love is majorly false. It is [b]through love[/b] that we attain heroic virtue.

I love my fiancee, but I may not yet ungrudingly take her to the bathroom and clean her body and the bathroom from her bowel movements. I would still do it, but not ungrudingly or uncomplaintant in my heart. Will I reach a point where I could do such an action completely lovingly? I hope so, but just because I can't now doesn't mean I don't love her.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' date='04 December 2009 - 01:50 PM' timestamp='1259952641' post='2014431']
So, to rehash an old discussion, would there be okay grounds to do this? E.g. caressing a cheek?
[/quote]

Doing that in a loving way seems just fine. The manner in which it is done is what really matters. A sweet and gentle caress is different from a steamy stroke that looks to intentionally arouse someone.

[jeffpugh]

I agree with both of you.

[jeffpugh]

I just re-read this thread and conversed with Missionseeker about it. Wow! The puritanism! But yet, there is much wisdom in the pages. It's quite the help in finding an objective stance in our relationship.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' date='20 December 2009 - 01:52 AM' timestamp='1261291946' post='2023385']
I just re-read this thread and conversed with Missionseeker about it. Wow! The puritanism! But yet, there is much wisdom in the pages. It's quite the help in finding an objective stance in our relationship.
[/quote]

An objective stance, eh? That's what you're calling it now?

Kidding, of course...

[BG45]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' date='20 December 2009 - 02:52 AM' timestamp='1261291946' post='2023385']
I just re-read this thread and conversed with Missionseeker about it. Wow! The puritanism! But yet, there is much wisdom in the pages. It's quite the help in finding an objective stance in our relationship.
[/quote]

Indeed, but puritanism has a reason and a place in a God-based relationship.

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='MissyP89' date='20 December 2009 - 08:03 PM' timestamp='1261357426' post='2023773']
An objective stance, eh? That's what you're calling it now?

Kidding, of course...
[/quote]
Well then!

[quote name='BG45' date='20 December 2009 - 08:06 PM' timestamp='1261357568' post='2023774']
Indeed, but puritanism has a reason and a place in a God-based relationship.
[/quote]
I reckon that is a challenge! What is wrong with holding my girlfriend close? Especially when we're always far away?

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' date='21 December 2009 - 02:34 PM' timestamp='1261427649' post='2024104']


I reckon that is a challenge! What is wrong with holding my girlfriend close? Especially when we're always far away?
[/quote]
You'll get no argument from me.

[Moosey]

Im not sure what to say about this since I haven't had a boy friend or been kissed. I say it depends on the couple. I know that when I have a serious boy friend I'll try not to kiss for too long because I've seen how hard it is to stop. I don't think groping is appropriate for unmarried people. Im not even sure what petting means though Im an advocate for cuddling. Im sure I'll be a cuddle bug when my time comes. Basically, one needs to know their limits. Also understand, girls, that it's much harder for a guy to stop "macking" suddenly than it is for a girl. I'd want to refrain from going too far just for the sake of my guy.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' date='21 December 2009 - 12:34 PM' timestamp='1261427649' post='2024104']
Well then!


I reckon that is a challenge! What is wrong with holding my girlfriend close? Especially when we're always far away?
[/quote]

the fact that you're far away makes it all the more reason for you to not get really close for long periods of time.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder... distance also makes the hormones turn into raging barbaric fiends that will stop at near nothing before getting their way.


I haven't seen my fiancee in 5 months and she comes in 4 days... Our boundaries are set higher then ever before and we're more strict about them because of how much we miss physical touch.

[tinytherese]

I'd say that when a couple first begins seeing each other that they should discuss this topic of boundaries.

[Slappo]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='22 December 2009 - 02:00 PM' timestamp='1261519206' post='2024659']
I'd say that when a couple first begins seeing each other that they should discuss this topic of boundaries.
[/quote]

I agree

I discussed it with my fiancee before I let myself hold her hand and let the physical aspect of the relationship begin.

funny thing about the history of this post. I actually created this thread a few months before dating my current fiancee and it was in question as to what kind of boundaries should be set for us. I obviously took what I thought was prudent and wise from the thread and ditched the rest as this thread has opinions ranging atheist and puritan.

Edited December 22, 2009 by Slappo

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Moosey' date='22 December 2009 - 03:41 PM' timestamp='1261518105' post='2024645']
Im not sure what to say about this since I haven't had a boy friend or been kissed. I say it depends on the couple. I know that when I have a serious boy friend I'll try not to kiss for too long because I've seen how hard it is to stop. I don't think groping is appropriate for unmarried people. Im not even sure what petting means though Im an advocate for cuddling. Im sure I'll be a cuddle bug when my time comes. Basically, one needs to know their limits. Also understand, girls, that [b]it's much harder for a guy to stop "macking" suddenly than it is for a girl[/b]. I'd want to refrain from going too far just for the sake of my guy.
[/quote]
I know this is kind of 'common knowledge' and all that, but I'll be honest, I have my doubts. I'm not convinced guys are actually that different when it comes to something like that.

[Moosey]

Oh Im sure you're right Nihil. I have no experience so it was merely an assumption based on what I've been told. I know it'd be hard for me personally to stop. But, it has been my understanding that guys have more of a drive than girls do.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='22 December 2009 - 05:34 PM' timestamp='1261521256' post='2024680']
I know this is kind of 'common knowledge' and all that, but I'll be honest, I have my doubts. I'm not convinced guys are actually that different when it comes to something like that.
[/quote]

Definitely not. A major difference though is that our libidos are connected to how we're feeling emotionally. If we're not feeling happy and comfortable, we're probably not going to be in the mood. In general, though, we're all the same--I know some women who struggle with chastity more than a lot of men do.

[Moosey]

What I meant to say was "in most cases." I know that it can't be said for everyone. Like I said, it depends on the couple. I have more of a drive than some guys do, sorry if thats TMI

[dominicansoul]

i think a little peck on the cheek is nice...but as far as the heavy breathing, open mouthed passionate kisses and heavy petting and hands up each others shirts...no...

if a couple is meant to be together forever, it's nice to keep the mystery in the relationship before the wedding night...

if a couple is not meant to be together forever, than, it's a good thing you didn't give anything away while you dated...

there's so much intimacy between those in love without having to ever really physically touch...

Edited December 22, 2009 by dominicansoul

[Jesus_lol]

[quote name='MissyP89' date='22 December 2009 - 02:43 PM' timestamp='1261521819' post='2024690']
Definitely not. A major difference though is that our libidos are connected to how we're feeling emotionally. If we're not feeling happy and comfortable, we're probably not going to be in the mood. In general, though, we're all the same--I know some women who struggle with chastity more than a lot of men do.
[/quote]

i can see that. It is way easier for a woman to get laid if she wants to than it is for a man, so it would be like trying to quit smoking with a pack in your pocket.

that said, there are some physical reactions for guys that make it harder for guys to stop if it gets really far along.

pure biological imperative suggests to guys to spread their seed around, while women tend to need a secure environment, and good mate. (nature wise)


still, i was surprised to find reserves of restraint in myself that i didnt know previously existed.

[jeffpugh]

"macking"? Is that a spelling mistake?